Torn Apart
by Soap1
Summary: When Sirius Black was taken to Azkaban, he left someone behind. After his escape, he and the woman he loved struggle to put their lives back together, with many complications along the way. See the events from GoF to HBP from another point of view. Sirius/Emmeline Vance. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

November 1, 1981

When Emmeline Vance went to bed on Halloween night, she didn't think anything unusual about it. Sure, it was early to be crawling into bed on Halloween, but she was alone and had no real reason to stay awake. She hadn't seen Sirius in a few days, and James and Lily had been in hiding for ages. Emmeline hadn't even been told where their home was, but Lily had promised in a letter that she would know as soon as the danger had passed. She might have stayed up late with Remus on that night, but Halloween had very unfortunately coincided with the full moon, and he was indisposed.

She was a tall young woman, thin and regal in appearance. She had grown up around money, and it occasionally showed. She was extremely close to her friends, but had no real use for small talk with strangers. As such, she had been called a bitch more than once by those who didn't know her well. It didn't bother her. She had her friends: James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. And though she had gone to bed alone on Halloween night, she didn't feel lonely.

She woke up the following morning up to fry some bacon for breakfast, completely unaware that, in one single night, everything had changed.

The door to her flat slammed open, making her jump in fright and drop the pan of hot bacon grease right onto the kitchen floor.

"ARGH!" she screamed, drops of hot oil burning her legs.

"Emmeline!" cried a voice.

Remus Lupin rushed into the kitchen. His face was haggard and exhausted, prematurely lined. She hadn't seen him in a few weeks; Sirius had been a bit cold toward Remus lately for some reason that he'd never chosen to share with her. Remus's wand was at the ready when he entered, as though he had thought a Dark wizard was in Emmeline's kitchen, but upon looking around at the scene, he cast a quick Vanishing spell to get rid of the grease on the floor and dropped to his knees beside her. Emmeline had tears stinging her eyes at the pain from the sizzling oil. The bacon was lying on the tile floor.

"I'm rubbish at these spells," murmured Remus as he cast something at her burned legs.

The feeling of relief was immediate, though her shins were still red and inflamed. Emmeline found herself glaring at Remus.

"What is so important that you had to barge in here and ruin my morning?" she said with a half-hearted scowl.

Remus straightened and looked at her, his face ashen. It was then that Emmeline's heart plummeted into her stomach.

There was a very real war going on. News of someone's death came once a week at least. The news almost didn't affect her anymore. It was like she was numb to death. Sometimes Emmeline wondered if something was wrong with her.

But _this_ look. The look on Remus's face at _this_ moment. It didn't mean that a nameless Auror had been killed, or even that a new recruit for the Order had died a senseless death. This look was haunted, pained. Someone they _knew_ had died, and Emmeline couldn't help but gasp and cover her mouth with her hand. She fought the urge to squeeze her eyes shut and beg him not to tell her. But Remus shook his head and stepped toward her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Emmeline," he said slowly. "It's over."

"It's over? What's over?" said Emmeline, confused, the hand at her mouth dropping to her side. For a terrifying moment, she thought he meant the resistance was over: that the Order of the Phoenix had crumbled and You-Know-Who had won.

"The war," croaked Remus. "The war is over. Voldemort is gone."

Emmeline staggered backward, leaning against the counter for support. A thousand thoughts flew through her head as the full impact of Remus's words hit her.

"But there's more . . ." Remus said, choking on the end of his sentence. His gaze dropped to his shoes.

"Oh, _Merlin_, Remus, what happened?" said Emmeline, her heart pounding heavily in her chest.

Remus closed his eyes as though he were steeling himself for the words he was about to speak. After one measured breath, he told her.

"James and Lily are dead," said Remus.

She felt as though someone had punched her in the stomach. Dear _Merlin_, not Lily and James. Lily, who'd been her best friend in the world since their first year at Hogwarts. And James, the arrogant, lovable bastard. The last thing she'd said to him was that his new haircut looked like shite.

The last thing she would _ever_ say to James Potter was that his new haircut looked like shite.

Her jaw quivered and she bit her lip, fighting back the tears. Her eyes were burning and there was a sizeable lump in her throat. She swallowed thickly and took a hitched breath.

"Harry?" she whispered, unable to force sound from her throat.

"He's . . . he's alive, Emmeline. I don't really know what happened," said Remus. "Somehow it's because of Harry that Voldemort is gone . . ."

"How do you mean?" asked Emmeline, her voice gaining strength now that she had something to dwell on besides James and Lily's deaths.

"I don't know," said Remus, shaking his head and collapsing into a chair in the kitchen, burying his face in his hands. "I don't know."

Emmeline stared at Remus, who was ever the calm and collected one, as he struggled to maintain control. She wished she could just go back a bit. Just go back to this morning, before she knew that everything was different. Go back to last night, stay up a bit later, send Lily an owl saying that she loved her and that James's haircut really wasn't so bad. But then, no one even knew where James and Lily were living-

"Remus," said Emmeline cautiously, her eyes brimming with tears again.

Remus looked up at her.

"Remus," she continued, her voice wavering, "Sirius was their Secret Keeper."

He nodded solemnly.

"Is he . . . is he . . ." she whispered, unable to utter the words as tears spilled from her eyes. She had visions of Sirius tormented to death or insanity by Death Eaters in their search for the Potters. Losing James and Lily was devastating enough, but to find that in one night, nearly everyone she loved had been taken from her. . .

At that moment, a loud pounding on her front door rang through the flat. She looked at Remus, who shrugged, looking stunned. Emmeline went to the front door and pulled it open only to find three burly looking wizards with wands at the ready.

"Emmeline Vance?" said one gruff voice.

She nodded.

"You're wanted for questioning," he continued, waving his wand so that a badge identifying him as an Auror appeared in the air next to him.

"Questioning?" demanded Remus. "On what charge?"

"There's no charge," said the Auror. "We're questioning all known associates of Sirius Black."

The Auror narrowed his eyes at Remus for a moment.

"Are you Remus Lupin?" he asked.

"Yes," said Remus defiantly.

"We'll need you to come as well," said the Auror.

The Auror grabbed Emmeline's upper arm, and a second Auror went to Remus's side. Remus spun out of his reach, furious.

"What's all this about? Why are you questioning us about Sirius?" said Remus.

The Auror looked at Remus for a moment with a very serious expression, as though he were trying to figure out whether Remus actually didn't know or whether he was bluffing.

"Sirius Black has been arrested and is currently in custody at the Ministry of Magic," said the Auror.

"Arrested?" cried Remus, his face hard and the wrinkles etched deep in his furrowed brow. "For what?"

"For the murder of a young man named Peter Pettigrew, along with twelve Muggles at the scene," said the Auror, and Emmeline gasped. "We think he's been passing information to You-Know-Who for months."

Emmeline and Remus were staring with open mouths. She was shaking her head, willing it not to be true, but the Auror continued.

"He's the reason that James and Lily Potter are dead."

–

The questioning didn't take long. She and Remus were shoved into separate rooms, and an Auror flew into the room. He asked about three questions in total.

"I just don't think Sirius could do something like-"

"We've got witnesses," said the Auror.

"But I'm a character witness," said Emmeline, grasping at the last straws of hope. "Have you considered that-"

He waved her off and zipped out of the room. The trial was scheduled for first thing in the afternoon. Somehow this had to be some sort of mistake. She and Remus talked in circles, trying to imagine some way that Sirius was innocent. They asked to speak to his solicitor. Sirius hadn't been allowed one.

Emmeline knew she had to say something at the trial. _Something_. There had to be some other explanation. Sitting next to Remus, she steeled herself, her heart hammering nervously in her chest as she mentally prepared a speech.

Nothing could have prepared her for the sight of Sirius Black being dragged into the chamber and strapped into the interrogation chair with thick, leather straps. His expression was blank with only a slight tension in his jaw to reveal his inner state of mind. His face had no emotion: no fear, no indignation, no remorse.

"And so begins the trial for Sirius Black, who was witnessed murdering Peter Pettigrew and twelve Muggles in broad daylight this morning at 7:00am," began Barty Crouch.

Emmeline cleared her throat, preparing to raise her hand when he called for comments and witnesses, but Crouch barreled on.

"Black is sentenced to life in Azkaban without possibility of parole," said Crouch with a tone of finality.


	2. Chapter 2

June 1994

She had stayed close to Remus over the years. There was really no reason why she wouldn't. They were all that was left of the group of friends. Even though they had both moved on with their lives, gotten jobs (hers were always better than his), made new friends, they'd always managed to keep in touch. Frequently, Remus would appear on her doorstep, one battered suitcase in his hand after losing yet another job due to his condition, and crash at her place for weeks or even months at a time. Quite regularly, they would get together and spend an evening drinking wine and reminiscing about the old days, happily joking about James's obsession with his hair and poor Peter's ill-fated attempt to make it into NEWT level Charms.

That was before _his _posters started showing up all over the place.

She had tried to ignore them for a long time, the images of Sirius Black screaming in madness from behind the bars of a dark, dank cell. She had pretended not to hear the dire warnings of the escaped Azkaban prisoner. She had blocked him out of her mind a long time ago. But when Remus came to her one night with a report that Sirius Black had tried to enter Hogwarts, where Harry Potter lived, she was forced to face the truth. Sirius was very much alive and very much trying to finish the job he'd started almost thirteen years ago.

Remus was teaching at Hogwarts, the best job he'd had in a decade, but even though he lived up at the school and spent most of his time there, he still came over often to talk about Harry, and about James and Lily.

"You know there are Dementors at the school, right?" he said.

She shuddered and nodded.

"Harry told me what he hears when they get close," said Remus, gulping softly. "He hears Lily's screams just before she died."

"Oh, _Merlin_," said Emmeline, horrified.

Remus had his eyes closed and looked pained, devastated.

"Did you love her?" she asked.

"No!" said Remus, a bit too quickly as his eyes popped open.

He looked sheepish and gave her a small grin.

"I mean, who didn't love Lily?" he added.

"Sirius," she responded with a smile, but she sucked in a breath after she'd spoken.

The name hung in the air, bringing with in memories that stung. Sirius _hadn't_ loved Lily. He'd loved _her_. Emmeline shook her head, trying to rid her mind of those thoughts.

A while later Remus had come over with a piece of parchment, holding it out to Emmeline with a sly smile.

"Recognize this?" he asked.

"Is this the-" she exclaimed. She reached for her wand immediately and tapped the parchment, saying, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

It came to life immediately, and Emmeline's eyes scanned the map until she found Harry Potter's dot, very close to Ron Weasley of course.

"Who had it?" asked Emmeline, smiling broadly.

"Harry!" he said.

"Harry?! Did he know-"

"No," said Remus, and his face dropped into a serious expression. "I'm a bit worried, though. If Sirius got a hold of this . . ."

Again, the room felt a bit colder as that name lingered in the space between them.

Remus agonized over what to tell Albus Dumbledore. How many of the secrets from his Hogwarts days should he reveal? Could he tell Dumbledore that he'd been abusing his trust for all those years? Letting his schoolmates sneak out of the school to run around the grounds with him in werewolf form? She'd listened patiently to him as he debated with himself, but in the end, he couldn't bring himself to tell. He had to convince himself that there must be some other way that Black was getting into the castle.

So imagine her surprise when she received a frantic Patronus from Remus in the very early hours of the morning, as summer was just beginning to creep its way into the southern part of England where she lived. Just a few rushed words:

"_Sirius was innocent all along. He's on the run."_

Emmeline didn't have any idea what to make of it.

When she heard a heavy knock on the door at the crack of dawn, she rushed to answer it, assuming she'd find Remus on her doorstep ready to explain the cryptic message. When she opened the door, however, she was greeted by none other than Sirius Black himself.

"Sirius," she gasped.

Hair matted and snarled, eyes sunken, a full beard and tattered clothes, Sirius said nothing. He just stared at her. They stood there on either side of the threshold for a full minute, neither moving or speaking, just staring. She hardly recognized the man before her; he was nothing like the young, arrogant, handsome man that she'd known at school. The man who was her first . . . her first everything. And yet, something in the deep recesses of those grey eyes . . .

"Come in," she whispered uncertainly, biting her lip.

He shuffled into the room, gazing around at the walls and furnishings but still not speaking. Emmeline was breathing hard, her heart racing and her body on edge. She watched him stand in the middle of her living room, his bony shoulders sagging. He seemed without life. Without purpose.

Finally, gulping a deep breath, she approached him. Touched him lightly on the shoulder. He froze, she could see his breathing stop, but he didn't flinch or move away. Gaining more courage, she ran her hand down his gaunt arm. She wanted to believe Remus's message so badly it hurt, but she was afraid to let herself believe it was true. Emmeline had one thousand questions to ask him. This man had so much explaining to do. And yet, when she met Sirius's eyes, she saw the pain there. These were not the eyes of a murderer, a traitor. It would take hours for her to understand that defeated expression she saw in his face. But suddenly, as she gazed at him, she decided it could wait.

"You're a mess," she said.

Sirius looked at her curiously, as though he hadn't heard anyone speak any proper words to him in a decade, which probably was the truth when it came down to it. He looked truly awful.

"I just got a Patronus from Remus," she said, taking his hand and pulling him along behind her as she chatted nervously. "He's been so worked up about this whole . . . situation. This is a bit difficult to take in, you know."

Sirius didn't answer but followed her compliantly into the bathroom where she began to draw water for a bath. He just stood silently in the bathroom, the look in his eyes still vacant. Emmeline reached the pull the ragged clothing off his body, her hands shaking nervously. She hadn't seen him in thirteen years. She unbuttoned the flimsy shirt and pulled it over his shoulders. His chest was pale and bony, so different from the muscular, tanned body she remembered. He had a string of numbers tattooed messily across his back: a brand, she supposed, from Azkaban. When her hands reached down to undo the drawstring of his thin, dirty pants, she paused. She took a deep breath and looked up at his face. He was staring catatonically at her, no hint of emotion in his expression.

This man was broken.

Emmeline untied the drawstring and let his pants fall down off his bony hips. She averted her eyes as she helped him into the steaming bathtub, feeling nervous around his naked body despite how familiar she had been with it thirteen years earlier.

She heard a hissed breath escape him as he sunk into the bath. His eyes were closed, the ends of his matted hair fanning out in the water.

Emmeline's fingers trembled as she lathered shampoo between them. How could the man she knew so well be so utterly destroyed? She'd spent the last thirteen years of her life trying to pretend he'd never happened, and now she found all the repressed emotions spilling out of the recesses of her memories. Tears pricked her eyes.

With a gulp and a deep breath, she began to work soap into the filthy bunches of black hair. Dirt and caked-in mud turned the bathwater a dull brown, so she cast a cleaning spell with her wand now and then to clear the water up. The methodical nature of this task helped her focus, helped her keep her mind off of all the thoughts bubbling right underneath the surface. She washed his hair, scrubbed his fingernails, and cleaned his face, leaving the soapy water to do its job on the rest of him. She still couldn't quite bring herself to look at all of him, turning her head embarrassedly every time her eyes strayed below his chest.

Emptying the water and guiding him out, Emmeline wrapped a large, fluffy towel around him and sat him in the chair next to the vanity.

"The only razor I have is bright pink," she offered nervously.

Sirius didn't respond.

Wand at the ready in case she had any slips of the hand, she rubbed his face with shaving cream, watching his eyes close tiredly. She carefully shaved the thick stubble on his cheeks, wiping away the remnants of shaving cream as she went. She shaved his chin, finding herself staring at his lips, memories of sweet words that had once spilled out of them and the gentle press of his kisses rushing unbidden to the forefront of her mind.

"Emma," he croaked.

Emmeline started, dropping both the razor and the towel, shaking her head to rid herself of unwanted and confusing thoughts. His lonely grey eyes were staring into hers now.

"Sirius," she whispered quietly.

Through her gentle ministrations and the calm touch of her fingers on his skin, Emmeline had felt him relax, and in that moment when she stood, her face inches from his, she felt that she could almost see some long-dormant part of him wriggle awake deep inside. She held her breath. Cleaning him and shaving him was one thing, and the mundane nature of those tasks had kept her mind off the fact that Sirius Black, convicted murderer and escaped Azkaban convict, was sitting in the chair in front of her. Wrapped in nothing but a towel.

"EMMA!" came a shout from the living room.

Remus's voice was like a bucket of cold water. Sirius's expression looked momentarily irked and his brow furrowed before she watched him slip back into catatonia.

She was still poised inches from his face when Remus burst into the bathroom. Remus looked between them.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked, his tone oddly annoyed.

Emmeline rolled her eyes and shook her head, reaching for the towel and wiping the last of the shaving cream from Sirius's blank face.

"Did you bring any clothes for him?" she asked.

Remus's expression looked startled, as though the idea of bringing fresh clothes for the wanted convict had not even momentarily crossed his mind. Emmeline sighed and went to the very back of her closet. There was one ancient t-shirt that had belonged to Sirius. She pulled it off the hanger and gazed at the faded Puddlemere United logo on the front. Then, she grabbed a pair of her own Muggle workout shorts and waved her wand at them, transfiguring them into something Sirius could wear.

Emmeline pulled the towel off of Sirius's form, noticing Remus turn away to face the wall as she did so. Sirius vacantly allowed her to pull his arms through the sleeves of the shirt and place his feet in the legs of the shorts. He obeyed when she gestured for him to stand as she pulled them up over his hips, averting her eyes once more from what was between his legs. The shirt hung loosely off his shrunken shoulders, but he was clean and dressed at least.

"Come on, then," she said quietly.

She guided Sirius into her bedroom, Remus shuffling along behind her, and gently coaxed him into the bed. After covering him with a blanket, she paused. His eyes were already closed. On an impulse, she smoothed back the black hair from his face, stroking his hair gently and resting her hand on his cheek for a moment. She stared at him again, shaking her head in disbelief, before she went out into the sitting room with Remus.

Emmeline collapsed into an armchair.

"What _happened_?" she asked.

Remus dropped his face into his hands.

"I don't even know where to begin," he said.

She waited patiently. Remus always needed time to collect his thoughts before he spoke. He took a few measured breaths, and she could practically watch the story coming together in his mind.

"Peter is alive," he began.

"Alive?!" Emmeline said, standing from her chair. "He's all right? Where is he?"

Remus shook his head dejectedly.

"No," he said. "_Peter_ was the traitor."

She sank back down again, brow furrowed in confusion.

"_Peter_ betrayed James and Lily," Remus elaborated.

"But Remus-" she began, trying to piece together the story in her mind. "_Sirius_ was their Secret Keeper. . ."

"I thought he had been!" Remus said, throwing his arms up. "We all did. Emma, they switched it at the last moment. James and Lily made _Peter_ their Secret Keeper."

"Why didn't they tell you?" asked Emmeline.

Remus's face was in his hands again.

"Sirius thought I was the traitor. We all knew someone was feeding information to Voldemort. Sirius and James thought I was the spy," said Remus, and then he added softly, "I am a Dark Creature after all."

"Stop it," she hissed. "Why didn't Dumbledore know? Why didn't anyone know? Why didn't _I _know?"

"He didn't want you to know," said Remus sheepishly.

Her eyes flashed and her heart leapt with indignation that Sirius had not even trusted _her_ of all people-

"It wasn't that he didn't trust you, Emma," added Remus, reading her expression. "He just . . . he didn't want you to be a target. He didn't want to involve you because he was afraid that they'd come after you to get to him."

Remus paused for a moment, as if he were still working out the details of that fateful moment so many years ago.

"I suppose he didn't want to involve you because he was afraid I'd send you bound and gagged to Voldemort," Remus added thoughtfully.

"Remus," said Emmeline. "Sirius loved you."

"He didn't trust me," said Remus. "No one trusted anyone in those days. You remember what it was like."

She shivered. She certainly did remember.

"So, Sirius convinced James and Lily to use Peter as their Secret Keeper, and he told no one about the change. He was desperate to make sure nobody knew how to get to them, lest the secret get back to Voldemort," continued Remus.

"And then Peter gave their location to You-Know-Who straight away," she finished for him, her tone full of bitterness. All the evenings they'd spent fondly remembering Peter and his antics. If they'd only known.

It was agonizing to imagine how much would have been different if Sirius had just confided in her! So many years of pain could have been avoided . . .

"I still don't understand why Sirius was trying to get to Hogwarts. What other reason than to kill Harry? And where has Peter been all this time?" she asked.

"Ah," said Remus, his voice suddenly sounding very professor-like. "Harry's best friend had a pet rat, you know."

Emmeline's jaw dropped in realization.

"No!"

"Yes," said Remus grimly, and he went on to explain the full story, from Peter's faking his own death to his evasion of capture the night before.

"What happened? How did he get away?"

Remus turned grey and his expression shifted to guilt.

"Full moon," said Remus.

Emmeline gasped, a hand over her mouth.

"I could have bitten or killed any of those kids last night. Even Harry himself," said Remus. "It terrifies me to think of what would have happened without Sirius there to stop me."

She moved to sit next to Remus, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I'm going to have to quit teaching," he added. "I'm just too dangerous."

"You aren't," scolded Emmeline.

"I am," he said.

Emmeline rested her head on his shoulder.

"So what do we do now?" she asked.

"I've been up all night, Emma," said Remus, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. "Do you mind if I just . . . sleep?"

She smiled and nodded, heading to the linen closet to pull out two blankets. Remus leaned back in his armchair and Emmeline stretched out on the couch. She and Remus talked quietly for a while more before they both fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Emmeline was fast asleep, curled in a tiny ball on the couch as Remus dozed in the armchair, when she felt a feathery touch of fingertips on her eyelashes. She peeked her eyes open and saw his face, thin and exhausted but alive and alert.

"Sirius," she whispered.

"Hey," he said softly.

She sat up, wrapping her arms around her chest.

"I dreamed you got caught again, and the Dementors gave you the Kiss," said Emmeline.

"Last night is the first night in a year that I _haven't_ dreamed that," he replied, and paused for a moment. "Last night . . . I'm sorry. I know I wasn't exactly good company. It's just . . . it's been a long year."

Emmeline felt a sympathetic smile creep across her lips just as Remus jolted awake in the chair, snorting a bit as he sat up.

"Sirius!" said Remus.

"Hello," Sirius said, sinking down onto the couch next to Emmeline.

The three sat in silence for a while, unsure of what to say.

"Did you tell her . . .?" Sirius began.

"Everything, yes," said Remus.

There was silence again.

"Oh, Sirius!" cried Emma suddenly, wrapping her arms around him.

Her throat was tight as she gripped him, feeling dozens of emotions passing over her from confusion to relief.

"Merlin, Emma," he whispered into her hair. "I've missed you."

She was sobbing into his shoulder now, and he encircled her tightly in his arms. She could feel his hand stroking her back, his fingers trembling slightly.

"It's all right," Sirius whispered with a choked voice. "I'm here."

Emma's cries began to subside until she was hiccuping against him. She pulled back, and he was reluctant to let her go. She was wiping her eyes, which were now red, and her regal face was splotchy.

"I'll make breakfast," she said, standing quickly and disappearing from view.

She felt Sirius's eyes staring after her, though she couldn't turn back for fear that she would break into sobs again. She hated to cry, though it happened far too often in her life. She hated the feeling of losing control of her emotions. Some mistook her for cold and unfeeling, but truly, she just preferred to experience things on her own terms.

"She hasn't changed," she heard Remus say.

Sirius didn't respond.

"Where's the Hippogriff?" asked Remus.

"Buckbeak?" said Sirius. "He's waiting for me by the coast."

"Where will you go?" he asked.

Emmeline rushed to wave her wand at a few breakfast foods to warm them up. Emmeline appeared in the room with a plate full of eggs, toast, and sausages in time to see Sirius frown, gazing around the room.

"You can't stay here," repeated Remus.

"Of course he can!" Emmeline spluttered. "Where else will he go? Look at him!"

Sirius looked down at himself curiously.

"He's skin and bones! He needs rest!" protested Emmeline.

"You'll be caught," Remus answered calmly, still looking at Sirius.

"Only if you tell someone," she spat.

"Emma, the Ministry knows about you and Sirius. They know you dated at Hogwarts. Where do you think they'll look for him?" he said.

"He's in no shape to go anywhere," said Emma, slamming the plate down angrily.

"If the Ministry finds you here, you'll be sent straight back to Azkaban," replied Remus grimly, looking at Sirius. "And what do you think they'll do to her?"

Emma was opening her mouth to protest when Sirius cut her off.

"He's right," he said firmly. "I can't stay here."

"Sirius, you're a mess. You're exhausted and unhealthy. After all you've been through-"

She watched the threat of catatonia creep on him again as the memories slammed into him, his eyes glazing over. She reached out to touch him, but he shook his head and took a deep breath.

"I have to go," he said. "Soon."

Emmeline bit her lip against another protest. The three of them stared at each other for a bit before she pushed the plate toward Sirius.

"Eat at least," she said dejectedly.

Sirius grabbed a fork and ate heartily, savoring each bite. Remus stood from the sofa.

"I'll be off to Hogwarts now. Got to pack my things," he said, turning to Emmeline. "Is it all right if I crash here for a while?"

"Of course it's all right, Remus," said Emma, nodding. "As always."

Emmeline wrapped her arms around herself, feeling a bit lost, though the knowledge that Remus would be with her brought a familiar comfort. She found herself looking up at Sirius, who was glancing between her and Remus, his face impassive. Remus's voice broke the silence.

"Sirius," said Remus, holding out a hand. "I . . ."

He paused, looking as if he were planning his words in his mind before speaking, as he always did.

"It's been lonely without you," continued Remus honestly. "I've missed you. I'm glad you're back."

The cool expression on Sirius's face washed away as his eyes sparked back to life. Sirius stood and clasped Remus's hand firmly, wrapping his other arm around the old werewolf's back in a tight embrace.

"Thank you," said Sirius.

When he pulled away, Emmeline placed her hand over her mouth, holding back tears and fighting to control herself. Remus coughed a bit.

"I'll see you later, Emma," said Remus.

"Yes," said Emma, brushing away her emotions. "I'll cook something tonight."

Remus nodded and left. Now, Emmeline and Sirius were gazing at each other from across the room. She didn't know what to say without it sounding trite, contrived. She wondered how it felt for him. Was their time together a distant memory? Something he might never be able to recreate? Or was it as though only an instant had passed since their last night together? Perhaps for him, those twelve years in Azkaban were a mere pause in his life and he could pick up where he left off. But Emmeline had lived those twelve years. She had worked and played and eaten and slept and moved on with her life. She had never forgotten Sirius. He had always been branded across her heart; she was his. But could she erase the last twelve years and love him again? It was far too early to even consider the possibility.

"I've missed you so much," she whispered hoarsely, stepping toward him.

He folded her in his arms, and she rested her head against his.

"I can't even begin to tell you how much I've missed you," he croaked.

She pulled away from him and looked at his face. They froze. It was as though Sirius wanted to kiss her but didn't know how. Perhaps after all he'd seen and done and experienced, he didn't know how to return to a world where you could just kiss the person you loved. She watched the demons inside him battle as he seemed to try to will himself to lean down and press his lips to hers. His breath hitched and he turned away. He just couldn't do it. Not yet.

Truth be told, she wasn't ready either.

"I've got to go," he said quietly, and she wished more than anything that he could stay.

Emmeline nodded, saying nothing but giving his hand a squeeze, feeling emotion threaten to consume her again.

"I'll contact you whenever I can," he added. "I don't know what's going to happen to me-"

"Let's make this quick, all right? Let's just say, 'See you soon,' and you can go, okay?" she said, choking on her words.

Sirius nodded. He leaned forward until his forehead was touching hers.

"See you soon," he whispered.

She nodded.

"See you soon."

With that, Sirius turned and walked out the door.

Remus returned later that evening and dumped his trunk unceremoniously in her entryway, kicking off his shoes and sinking down next to her on the sofa, his eyes looking a bit unfocused and his clothes smelling of cigarette smoke.

"Let me guess," said Emmeline. "Stopped at the Leaky Cauldron on the way home?"

Remus rolled his head to look at her.

"The Hog's Head," he said, his voice dejected.

She ran a casual hand through his short sandy hair, a gesture that was commonplace between them, but the thought of Sirius gave her pause, her fingers stopping halfway through his tresses and returning to her lap.

"I got take-away," said Emmeline. "I was going to cook but . . ."

"It's been a long day," said Remus tiredly.

Emma nodded. She and Remus stared at each other for a long moment. Her entire world had turned upside down in a single night, a feeling she hadn't had since that fateful Halloween so many years ago. She didn't know what to do or say. The weight of the past thirteen years seemed to be pressing down on them as they sat on the couch, too many things unsaid and questions unanswered. There was pain in Remus's eyes, and not just, she thought, because of his lost job. She sighed.

"I'll pour wine," said Emmeline.

The warm, humid evening called for a cold white wine, a glass of which she thrust unceremoniously into Remus's hand. She sat next to him again, letting herself rest against him as his arm absently fell around her shoulders. Open containers of chicken curry and fried prawns sat untouched in the kitchen as Remus and Emmeline satisfied themselves with wine and reminiscing.

"Do you remember the night Harry was born?" asked Remus.

"Ha!" laughed Emmeline. "I try not to!"

"I've never seen James so flustered," added Remus.

"Or Sirius for that matter," she replied. "There Lily was, doubled over in labour, saying, 'Calm down, Sirius. It's going to be all right. Just breathe.' They were a disaster!"

Remus chuckled.

"And you were brilliant," said Remus. "I think you were the only one who managed to stay awake with Lily the whole night. You never left."

Emma smiled.

"Even when she threw up in my hair," she said fondly.

"I should tell Harry about that," said Remus, a proud, fatherly sort of grin on his face.

Emmeline murmured an assent and snuggled in closer to Remus. A few glasses of wine made it easier to forget to think about Sirius, though an unspoken tension lingered in the room. For Emmeline and Remus had not only been friends over the years, but quite often, when loneliness became too much to bear, they'd been lovers as well. And it brought her to this strange moment: if Sirius hadn't come back to her, this would have easily been one of those occasions where they fell into bed together, letting their bodies erase the pain in their minds. As it was, she contented herself with the comfort of his familiar arms and soon felt herself drifting off to sleep.

When she woke the next morning, Remus had already gone, though his trunk was lying open in the entryway. She found it comforting to know he would be staying. She needed him. Emmeline splashed water on her face, changed clothes, and headed to work.

Emmeline had been at the same job for several years. She worked at a firm that managed the estates of many of the wealthiest pureblood families in the Wizarding world. After all, Gringott's was an excellent place to store mountains of gold (and to be sure, most of the treasures of the wealthy were kept underneath Gringott's marbled floors), but if a family sought to expand their fortunes, they needed someone to find ways to invest and diversify their assets, which sometimes meant a discreet investment in a Muggle venture. While most witches and wizards of modern times were amenable to this suggestion, she had a meeting with a wizard today who most decidedly was not.

"Mister Malfoy," said Emmeline, thankful that she'd spent a few extra moments on her appearance, for Lucius Malfoy was, as always, impeccably dressed.

He looked extremely perturbed.

"A _werewolf_?" he spat. "A werewolf near my son and heir and you said _nothing_ to me?"

"Pardon me?" she said without thinking, although as soon as the words left her mouth she knew exactly to what her client was referring. _Remus._

"You've known that filthy half-breed for two decades, so don't even bother pretending you weren't aware of his taint," said Lucius. "It was enough just knowing that companion of yours was within one hundred yards of my son, and now . . ."

Lucius gargled a sound that one might make upon discovering dog shit on one's shoes.

"I think I'd like to remove all my holdings from the care of your firm," he said forcefully.

"Mister Malfoy, I understand your concern," said Emmeline, completely unintimidated. After all, she had grown up in an extremely wealthy family herself and had known the eldest Malfoy since childhood. "What happens to your son at Hogwarts is irrelevant to my work and, frankly, none of my concern."

Lucius bristled at her statement.

"But I'll begin the withdrawal of your accounts and you can find someone else to manage your estate," said Emmeline, pulling out a quill and a few forms and knowing perfectly well there was no one he trusted to manage his finances better than she.

His grey eyes were hard as he stared at her, her face patient. She knew Malfoy too well for his blustering to work on her. Finally, the corners of his cool eyes began to crinkle in amusement, the harsh line of his mouth slipping into a familiar smirk.

"Don't talk to me about Muggle nonsense today," he drawled, with a humorous expression that said plainly he knew he'd been beaten. Malfoy was not a terrible man. At least, not _always_.

"That Muggle Nonsense has tripled the Crouch's fortune in two years," said Emmeline. "You'd do well to consider it."

"No," said Malfoy sternly, the humor disappearing from his countenance as his cool grey eyes hardened again.

They spent the better part of an hour discussing investment strategies and getting authorizations to move income from one account to another. Malfoy was sharp and intelligent with excellent instincts, always willing to take many a calculated risk to increase his fortune. He was Slytherin to the core: not evil, perhaps, but certainly ambitious and power-hungry.

"I'm glad to finally know the truth about your poverty-stricken, useless friend. He's a pitiful waste of Wizarding blood," said Lucius as he stood, and she bit back a rude reply.

He paused as though considering some calculation in his mind.

"At least you didn't _breed_ with the filthy creature," said Lucius dispassionately. "That would have been catastrophic. I suppose you knew better and at least used some form of contraception."

Lucius gave a shudder as though the image of her with Remus were horribly distasteful. She felt blood rushing to her face as her heart pounded angrily.

"Good day, Mister Malfoy," she spat.

Lucius smirked cruelly. He had won that round.

Emmeline was relieved to see Remus on her sofa when she entered her flat. The entire day had been ruined by her meeting with Malfoy. She sat down next to Remus and buried her face in his chest. She felt his arms around her, much more tentative and unsure than usual. Sirius's return changed everything.

"Any word from him?" she asked, muffled by his chest.

"No," said Remus cautiously. "But it's only been one day."

"Any luck on a job?" she asked, removing herself from his embrace and sitting next to him.

"None," said Remus with a sigh. "Word's gotten out about what I am."

"Yea," said Emmeline bitterly, remembering Malfoy's rudeness. "It has."


	4. Chapter 4

And so it went for the rest of the summer. Remus was hard pressed to find a place to work where they hadn't heard about his affliction, so he stayed with Emmeline, heading out on job interviews every day and talking with her about Sirius every night over cool white wine.

"Where do you think he is?" she would ask each night.

"If he'd been caught, we'd have heard something, I expect," he would always answer.

Their relationship was a bit different now. For thirteen years, it had been the two of them, and now, even though Sirius was miles away, there were three. Emmeline's mind often drifted to Sirius, and though she knew Remus was thrilled and relieved to have his old friend back, she couldn't help but think that he sometimes missed when it was just Emma and Remus. He'd always said he felt like a third wheel with them at Hogwarts. And she couldn't lie. A small part of her missed it, too.

Without Sirius around, it was easier than she'd have liked to admit to forget about Sirius and everything happening outside their mundane lives. The summer remained uneventful until one morning near the end of August when Emmeline found herself being shaken roughly awake.

"Emma!" said Remus frantically.

She abruptly up in bed and saw his wide-eyed expression,

"I just got this morning's paper along with an owl from Arthur Weasley," said Remus quickly as Emmeline rubbed sleep from her eyes. "They were at the Quidditch World Cup. Someone set off the Dark Mark."

"The Dark Mark?" she gasped.

"Yes," said Remus. "They don't know who did it. Arthur says the Ministry is a mess."

"Is everyone all right? Was Harry-"

"Harry was there, but he's fine. So are all the Weasley children," said Remus immediately. "No one was permanently harmed, although the Muggle family that owned the land . . ."

He trailed off and Emmeline felt panic wash over her, a sinking feeling that brought her back to the days during the first war against You-Know-Who, when the Dark Mark and aggression against Muggles were commonplace.

"It's starting again, isn't it?" she said quietly.

Remus nodded grimly.

"So, what happens now?" she asked.

Remus shrugged, running a hand through his sandy hair in frustration.

"Harry goes back to Hogwarts. Then we wait for someone to attack him there," he said resignedly.

"Attack him at Hogwarts?" asked Emmeline.

Remus turned his head to look at her.

"I'm not supposed to say anything," he sighed. "But word's gotten out pretty well now. They're hosting the Triwizard Tournament this year."

"The Triwiz- What?! They're doing a Triwizard Tournament?" she asked, shaking her head in confusion. "And with all this Death Eater nonsense going on?"

Remus just shrugged again. He collapsed onto her bed, looking more aged than ever, and she leaned against him out of habit.

"You'd think that with Sirius back, I'd feel _less_ responsible for Harry. He's got a godfather to look after him now, you know?" said Remus, reaching out to graze her hand but stopping himself awkwardly. "But I'm actually feeling even more like I should be _doing_ something. Show Sirius that I've been handling it all right in his absence."

Emmeline smiled and let her head rest against his.

"I didn't even meet Harry properly until he was thirteen. Thirteen!" said Remus, being far too hard on himself as usual. "What kind of temporary substitute godfather was I?"

"You weren't a substitute godfather, Remus. You were his Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. And you were a damned good one," she said. "And I don't want to hear another word about it."

The truth was, she was a feeling a bit guilty about her own role in Harry's life, or lack thereof . She'd been Lily's best friend for years, and yet Emmeline had disappeared from Harry's life after Lily's death. She just hadn't known how to breach the gap, how to form a relationship with him while she simultaneously struggled with oppressive grief for James, Lily, Peter, and Sirius. Of course she'd have been willing to take the boy in, but when Dumbledore told Emmeline that Harry was living with his aunt and uncle, she had essentially washed her hands of the responsibility and tried to move on with her life.

She _still_ hadn't had a chance to meet Harry properly, and the longer she waited, the more difficult it was becoming to imagine trying to explain who she was and why he'd never met her before.

"Do you think he's back?" said Emmeline. "You-Know-Who?"

"Voldemort," said Remus, and Emmeline felt some pride that she didn't flinch at the name, "is not back. Not yet at least. But Death Eaters marching is a bad sign, Emma."

He rubbed his temples.

"A very bad sign indeed," he added.

They ate breakfast in an uncomfortable silence, each lost in frightening thoughts about the return of the Death Eaters. Emmeline couldn't help but worry incessantly about Sirius. Peter had escaped, after all, and he was one of Voldemort's most loyal servants. Would Sirius be in danger? Would the Death Eaters seek him out? Were the Death Eaters after Harry? What was her role in protecting him? How could she protect any of them? She drank cup after cup of strong tea, mulling over this terrifying new threat until her nerves were completely shot.

Arthur Weasley barged in right before dinner, out of breath and haggard.

"Sorry to burst in like this," said Arthur. "The Ministry has been a disaster all day. Everyone's in an uproar about the Dark Mark. Half the Ministry is blaming it on Sirius Black-"

Emmeline scoffed.

"I _know_ it had nothing to do with him, but I can't very well tell them _how_ I would know such a thing," said Arthur placatingly.

"Do they have any idea who was behind it?" asked Remus.

"You're only about the eight thousandth person to ask that today," said Arthur, exhausted. "We've absolutely no leads. The robed figures caused a lot of trouble and then disappeared as soon as one of them set off the Mark. We have no idea what happened. So far, Barty Crouch has blamed his house elf, but no one is truly buying that story."

"Do you think the Death Eaters were after Harry?" asked Emmeline.

"I don't think so," answered Arthur. "I'm a bit ashamed to admit it, but if they'd wanted Harry it would not have been terribly difficult to get to him. I wasn't exactly on high guard. No one was expecting an attack. The security at the Cup was infallible."

"Well, not completely infallible . . ."

"No, you're right. Not infallible at all," said Arthur, shaking his head dejectedly.

Arthur grabbed a mug and poured tea into it, draining the last of the pot as he sank down into a chair at the table.

"What can we do to help?" asked Remus.

"What we really need is leads. We need to know who might be involved," said Arthur. "I was actually hoping that Remus-"

Arthur broke off and fumbled a bit as Emma and Remus both gazed at him, impatient for him to finish.

"Remus what?" said Emmeline.

"Well," said Arthur, "Remus being in contact with some of the more . . . some of the more unsavory types . . ."

"What's that supposed to mean?" spat Emmeline, her frayed nerves finally snapping.

"It's all right, Emma," said Remus.

"No it isn't! You're saying that since Remus is a werewolf, he might be in contact with Death Eaters? All Dark Creatures are, aren't they?" she said furiously.

"That's not at all what I meant -" Arthur stammered.

"You didn't even know he was a werewolf when you sent your kids off to Hogwarts, did you?" she continued. "You wouldn't have sent them if you did."

"I didn't know, no, but-"

"And what about me? You know Lucius Malfoy is one of my best clients, and if there are Death Eaters around, he's going to know about it," snapped Emmeline. "And yet you don't ask me. You ask _Remus_ because he's a _filthy half-breed!_"

"Emma," said Remus, laying a hand on her shoulder.

Emmeline was breathing heavily. Arthur was aghast at her outburst, and Remus's kind face was patient. Emma buried her face in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," she said, embarrassed. "It's just been a rough summer."

Arthur cleared his throat.

"It's quite all right," he said, smoothing his robes. "You're absolutely right about your connections, Emmeline. If you hear anything, please let us know."

"I will," she said.

"And I'll let you know if I hear anything from the unsavory types," said Remus with a quirked smile.

Emmeline rolled her eyes and elbowed him good-naturedly. Arthur, who still seemed a bit nervous and jumpy, just nodded and gave a half-hearted chuckle before letting himself out. She heard the _crack_ of his Apparition before turning back to Remus.

"Merlin, I'm sorry," said Emmeline. "I don't even know where all that came from. I'm just tired of hearing everyone speak to you like you're some . . . some diseased, cursed thing. I wish they'd treat you like a human."

"I'm not a human," said Remus. "I'm a werewolf."

"Stop it," she said.

Remus brought her close and rested his head on top of hers. She felt comfortable and safe in the intimate circle of his arms and found herself pressing close to him, every inch of her body aligned with his. It was a lover's embrace, and she soon felt the familiar press of his lips against the side of her face.

Remus pulled away at once.

"I . . . I'm sorry," he said, refusing to meet her eyes.

She felt cold and abandoned, standing with her arms extended around the empty space that had moments ago held Remus. Confused and remorseful, she met his amber gaze.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

Emmeline sighed.

"This is all pretty fucked up," she said honestly, wrapping her arms around her chest, and Remus chuckled.

Remus walked over to the couch, pulling her by one hand so that she sat next to him.

"You know I never stopped feeling guilty," Remus said.

She narrowed her eyes curiously at him as she waited for him to continue.

"Every time we . . . every time we . . ." he stumbled over the word, and she couldn't help but think that here Sirius would use a crude vulgarity without apology. "Every time we were together, I always felt like it was wrong. Like you were his girl. It didn't feel right."

She felt the corners of her mouth lift, and she thought about teasing him that by the way he'd always groaned her name it certainly_ seemed _like it felt right, but she decided now wasn't the time. She cleared her throat.

"Let's open a bottle of wine?" she asked sheepishly.

"Yes, let's," he said.

With a flick of his wand, the bottle they'd been saving for a special occasion appeared, and with a few more waves, there were two glasses sitting on Molly Weasley's knitted coasters in front of them. The wine helped Emmeline relax, helped her forget the frightening revelations the day had brought and the uncomfortable tension lingering in the air between her and Remus. A part of her longed to lean in and feel the softness of his lips against hers, the rough tickle of his stubbled beard, for this sort of harrowing day was precisely the kind of thing that would have sent her straight into his bed prior to . . .

_Sirius._

It was late when they finished the wine, and while she kept a respectful distance, more than once she found herself a bit too close to Remus for a mere friendship. She couldn't help but take some comfort in the familiar feel of his skin beneath her fingertips. Remus gave her a doleful smile and took her hand, kissing it sweetly before rising from the sofa.

"I'm going to take a shower," he said, his back turned. "I'll see you in the morning."

"See you in the morning," she replied glumly, and she walked back to her room and fell into bed, asleep within moments.


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn't two weeks later that Sirius showed up on her doorstep.

"What are you doing here?!" she hissed, ushering him inside and glancing around to make sure no one had seen him at her door.

He raced inside. Everything about him was completely different than the last time she saw him. His expression was animated rather than vacant, his body was healthy rather than skeletal. She was about to ask him where he'd been when he started talking again.

"I just had to get back," he said quickly. "I heard about the business at the World Cup-"

She opened her mouth to say something, but he barreled on.

"And Harry said his scar's been hurting, and I got wind of a rumour that they're doing a Triwizard Tournament this year and Durmstrang's been invited, and you know Karkaroff was a Death Eater back in the day, don't you?" he said in a rush.

Emmeline opened and shut her mouth a few times, unsure of what to say or which thing she should comment on first.

"I'm back in Britain for now," said Sirius. "Dumbledore's told me about a cave near Hogwarts where I could stay. In dog form, mostly."

Emmeline wrinkled up her nose.

"You could just stay with-"

"I couldn't," he said with a tone of finality, and Emma knew he was right.

Sirius took a deep breath and gazed around, his eyes landing on the open suitcase with a stack of men's clothing threatening to topple out.

"Remus staying here?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

"Where is he?"

"I'm not sure," she answered. "Probably out looking for a job. That's what he's been doing most every day since you left, but there's this new Anti-Werewolf legislation. Passed by some bitch at the Ministry. Dorothy Umbridge."

There was a pause.

"No, Dolores," she amended. "Dolores Umbridge. It's made it almost impossible for him to get a job."

"Hm," said Sirius absently.

Emmeline felt like a tornado had just ripped through her flat. She took a deep breath, blowing out the air with a puff of her cheeks, and looked back at Sirius. He looked amazing. He looked like _her_ Sirius. She vaguely wondered what had brought this man back from the depths of despair she saw in his eyes not two months earlier.

"I just feel like I need to be close," said Sirius. "For Harry."

Ah, Harry. Of course. Emmeline felt a smile creep across her lips. Sirius had always been the most loyal friend of the group, the one who'd stand by his friends even when they were being complete dolts. It was why the news of his betrayal and imprisonment had been so unbelievable, so heart-wrenching. She never knew him to be the sort of man who would even consider betraying his friends.

And now, that loyalty to James had translated into his fierce desire to protect Harry. This _was_ the Sirius she remembered. She gazed at Sirius's face. Though it was still thin, it was no longer pale and gaunt. She let her eyes travel to his shoulders, which were now broadening back into the build she remembered from thirteen years earlier, and down to his legs, which were beginning to show the musculature he had in his youth. When her eyes wandered up his body back to his face, she noticed him smirking at her.

Smirking!

"Stop looking at me like that," said Emmeline, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks.

"Were you checking me out?" he asked with a sly grin.

She fought to keep the corners of her lips from twitching up as his eyes narrowed into a very familiar predatory gaze.

"I said stop looking at me like that!" she said, suppressing a smile. "I'm serious!"

"_I'm_ Sirius," he said, grinning and appearing quite proud of himself for the old and over-used joke.

She harrumphed but couldn't stop herself from grinning, but when he stepped toward her, she felt her breath catch in her chest. Her heart thumped wildly as one of his hands reached out and grazed her waist with a faint touch that she wouldn't have even felt if her all her thoughts hadn't been honed in on every movement he made. Her blood was racing with excitement and nerves. His grey eyes were smoldering.

He seemed cautious, as though he wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to go about all this. She was cautious as well. The touch on her waist became firmer, a bit more confident, as his second hand lifted up to her face. It paused a moment there before continuing on to cup her cheek, bringing her face slowly toward his. She was breathing hard, feeling her fingers begin to shake as a thousand emotions spilled through her mind, each more confusing than the last. Just as he leaned in to kiss her, an image of Sirius flashed through her mind: the one of him laughing maniacally in the wake of Peter Pettigrew's disappearance, the picture that had been plastered all over the Daily Prophet the day he'd been carted off the Azkaban.

Sirius pulled back, his face startled.

"You're trembling," he said, grasping her hands which were now shaking in earnest.

His hands moved from one part of her body to the next, as if trying to stop her shivers with their touch, and when she still couldn't stop shaking, he enveloped her in his arms, his hands trying to reassure her.

"I just don't think I can-" she began, but trailed off as a second image raced through her mind, one of Remus's kind face, close enough to hers that she could see the flecks of brown in his amber eyes.

"It's all right," he said casually, but she could tell from his tone of voice that the rejection had stung him.

She pulled back, still in his arms as her body finally relaxed and no longer trembling, and he was looking at her solemnly. He took a breath and closed his eyes.

"Is there someone else?" he asked, his voice strained.

"No!" she said immediately, guilt rising hot in her cheeks, and his eyes opened, the tension around his face relaxing. "No, Sirius, there's no one else. It's only ever been you."

He nodded, still holding her waist.

"You know the memories of you were the first ones the Dementors took," he said. "My happiest ones."

Her heart knifed painfully in her chest. The things this man had been through . . .

Emmeline pulled closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I want to do this," she whispered. "But it's just . . ."

"Confusing," he said, and she nodded. "I'm confused, too. Sometimes I can't remember things. Sometimes I wonder if the Dementors managed to take some memories away from me forever."

"I've spent thirteen years trying to forget," she replied honestly.

They stood, embracing each other, for a long moment. She closed her eyes and relished the feeling of his strong arms holding her close. She took a deep breath.

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"I have to pee."

He chuckled and released her. She grinned shyly and disappeared to her bedroom, glancing over her shoulder at him and seeing some of the worn tiredness that had never been there when he was a young man.

When she sat down on the toilet, she let out a huge sigh and dropped her face into her hands. This was all so unreal. She'd just nearly been kissed by Sirius Black. She'd nearly been kissed by the man she'd loved for more than a _decade_ and she'd _rejected_ him. Her mind was racing. She was confused, torn, giddy, melancholy. And what of Remus?

Her head shot up, shocked to find that thought darting through her brain. What _of_ Remus? Now that Sirius was back, there was no Emma and Remus. Was there?

She didn't know what to think. She and Remus had never really been in love, not the way she had loved Sirius at least, but he had been there for her and she loved him dearly. She took a deep breath, realizing that if she stayed in the bathroom much longer Sirius would think she was having stomach problems, and headed back out into her living room.

There she saw Sirius standing in front of her bookshelf staring with blank, cold eyes at a picture of her and Remus, one in which they were embracing, not as lovers perhaps, but a bit more cosy than friends. Emmeline stepped forward, bumping her toe against a chair in the process, and the sound startled Sirius into action. Suddenly, he had whirled on her, his eyes crazed and wild, his wand brandished in her face, his teeth bared as a menacing growl-like sound emanated from his throat.

"Sirius, it's me! It's me! It's me!" she cried frantically.

Sirius was breathing heavily, his eyes wide as he stared at her. She watched the light of recognition flicker again and he dropped his wand. It clattered to the ground as he stepped back, his eyes darting around the room. He swallowed thickly and rubbed his hand across his face, shaking his head a bit as if to empty it of the horrors there. He finally met her gaze. She didn't know what to say.

Was this even the same Sirius she had loved?

"I'm so sorry," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. "Sometimes I forget . . . sometimes it's like I'm back there. . ."

She didn't respond, her arms folded in front of her chest as she fought the flood of emotion and confusion threatening to wash over her.

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm broken forever," he said, putting his face in his hand.

Emmeline sighed, unwilling to admit that she was wondering the same thing. She stepped toward him, cautiously reaching out a hand to touch his arm. He looked at her with sad grey eyes. She leaned up, unable to stop herself from noticing that he wasn't quite as tall as Remus, and placed a very soft, gentle kiss on his scruffy cheek. He looked at her once again and the ghost of a smile crossed his face, the corners of his lips turning up ever so slightly, grey eyes twinkling.

That look could make her go weak in the knees.

"I'll make tea," she whispered.

Sirius stayed with her that afternoon and they were drinking tea on the sofa when Remus walked in. Remus did a double-take when he saw Sirius in the room and frantically slammed the door behind him, as though the Ministry were right outside looking for the escaped convict.

"What the hell are you doing here?" demanded Remus. "Do you have any idea the danger you put Emmeline in when you come here? Much less the danger to yourself? You could both end up in Azkaban!"

"Good to see you too," said Sirius, annoyed.

"Sirius is moving into a cave outside of Hogwarts," said Emmeline cautiously. "Dumbledore's idea."

"Dumbledore approved of this?!" asked Remus incredulously.

"Well, I didn't give him much of a choice," said Sirius. "I wasn't about to let Harry face this year by himself!"

"He wouldn't be by himself!" said Remus indignantly.

"He needs me!" said Sirius.

"Boys!" interrupted Emmeline.

They both turned to her with petulant expressions.

"Remus, have some tea," she said.

Awkward wasn't entirely the correct word for her relationship with Remus since the night he'd kissed her, but it wasn't completely inaccurate either. Remus's job search had been fruitless, but Emmeline had a feeling that if he'd found a job, he'd have moved out as soon as possible. Sirius's return had changed everything, and now Sirius was here, sitting on her sofa.

Remus sat down abruptly in the armchair and summoned a cup of tea, his demeanor betraying his feelings, which Emmeline believed had far more about to do with the way he felt about her than the way he felt about Sirius's ill-advised decision to return.

Perhaps she was simply being narcissistic to imagine that all he thought about was her.

"So, did you two have a chance to . . . reconnect?" asked Remus coolly.

Perhaps not.

"What's with the attitude, Moony?" Sirius responded.

Remus took a breath and sat his cup down on its saucer.

"You're right, Sirius. I'm sorry. This new Anti-Werewolf legislation has made finding a job impossible," he said contritely. "I'm just a bit stressed."

"Hey, it's all right, mate," said Sirius, leaning over and clapping his friend on the shoulder.

Emmeline and Remus met each other's eyes briefly, knowing what each other thought without speaking. Sirius was, thankfully, oblivious. Emma sighed. Remus sat stoically. Sirius fidgeted.

"I should probably go," said Sirius, gazing out the window forlornly.

"Absolutely not. You're at least having one hot meal before you head off to live in a _cave_," she said, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

Sirius smiled at her, and she felt her heart skip a beat. Afraid that her emotions were plastered across her face, she stood abruptly and headed to the kitchen to get a hot meal started. All summer it had been Emma and Remus eating dinner and drinking wine in the evenings. Now Sirius was here. While she did not enjoy the complications that his return brought to her life, her heart still leapt at the sight of him. But while the thought of him brought a pleasant swooping sensation to her stomach, she could not forget the dangerous man he had become. Emmeline unconsciously felt for the reassuring presence of her wand at her side, remembering the deranged look in his eye as he'd whirled on her that very afternoon, his wand pointed menacingly at her face. What would Remus think of that?

She didn't plan on telling him.

Her mind continued to wander, remembering some of the most pleasant times she'd had with Sirius so long ago. For more than a decade, she'd tried to block out those memories. Now, she found herself letting the feelings wash over her again: vividly picturing the first time he'd held her, the first time she'd kissed him, the first time he'd bravely allowed his hand to drift between her thighs . . .

"Is something burning?" called Remus's voice from the sitting room.

"Shit," she muttered.

With a wave of her wand, chicken flew from the skillet onto a plate next to a pile of potatoes. She pulled a butter knife from a drawer a scraped off the burned bits before returning to Sirius and Remus, blushing a bit as she avoided Sirius's gaze. The tension in the room between the two men had abated, and they were laughing like old friends.

"No, _that_ was James' idea," said Sirius with a laugh.

"It was horribly unfair and not at all funny," said Remus with a grumpy expression, though the corners of his mouth were twitching.

"It was _hilarious!_" laughed Sirius.

"What was?" asked Emmeline as she sat a platter of chicken and potatoes on the coffee table.

"When Sirius told Elizabeth Pilkington that I was mad about her," pouted Remus, and Sirius barked a laugh.

Emmeline couldn't help but laugh as well.

"I'm telling you, it was James!" said Sirius. "We had to get you laid somehow. Couldn't have you entering your _twenties_ as a _virgin_."

Sirius gave an involuntary shudder at the horrifying thought. Emmeline narrowed her eyes at Remus, face quirked into a smile.

"I never heard that story," she said, a teasing glance in Remus's direction.

"Oh, you wouldn't have," said Sirius. "But I do think they stayed holed up in the bedroom for about a week after James shoved them in there."

Remus rolled his eyes and turned a bit pink.

"Elizabeth Pilkington," remembered Sirius. "Whatever happened to her?"

Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat and sighed.

"She, uh . . ." he began. "She died."

Sirius's eyes widened, looking stunned.

"Merlin," he said.

"Yea," answered Remus. "An accident at the Ministry, about ten, twelve years ago, I think."

Sirius shook his head in disbelief.

"I always kind of thought you'd end up with her," said Sirius, shaking his head. "So you never married, Moony?"

Remus and Emmeline shared a brief look, one that she hoped went unnoticed by Sirius. Remus shifted again and shook his head with a grim smile.

"Never did," said Remus.

Sirius nodded absently and dug into the food on the platter Emmeline had brought. She found herself lost in thought again. Would Remus have married if James and Lily hadn't died and Sirius hadn't been carted off to Azkaban thirteen years earlier? Remus had never really dated anyone since Sirius's imprisonment. Well, besides Emma, of course. Marriage to Remus had never even been a possibility. Lovers though they might have been, she could count on one hand the number of times she'd told him she loved him. Sirius would always been the man she was in love with, and she'd never really bothered to consider the effect she'd had on Remus's love life. If Sirius hadn't gone to Azkaban, Remus would have never ended up in Emmeline's bed, and perhaps he would have found someone else, someone to love, to marry, to give him children. Emma suddenly felt guilt-ridden to imagine that she'd kept him from that life.

Sirius, upon finishing the chicken in front of him, leaned back on the sofa, stretching his arm behind her shoulders and pulling her close, resting his head against hers.

"I've missed this," he said quietly into her hair.

Emmeline snuggled closer to him, thinking that she'd very much missed this as well but, feeling a pair of amber eyes on her, she said nothing. They all sat in silence for a long while until a knock jolted them all to awareness. They all three leaped to their feet, Remus racing to the door to ensure that no one entered without permission.

"Go back to the bedroom!" hissed Emmeline. "Get in my closet!"

Sirius escaped the room in three long strides, slamming the bedroom door behind him. Emma's heart was pounding as she waited for Remus to open the door. Remus took a steely breath and pulled the handle.

"Professor Dumbledore!" cried Emmeline, shrieking in relief.

"I think we've grown a bit beyond 'Professor Dumbledore' by this point in our acquaintance, Miss Vance," said the Headmaster with a serene smile.

Emma staggered backward, clutching her chest dramatically. Remus was leaning against the wall, still breathing heavily. Albus Dumbledore looked patiently between the two of them.

"By your reactions, I'll venture a guess that you've very recently taken in a stray," he said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Yes," said Emma, waving her hand nonchalantly and still catching her breath. "Come on out Sirius!"

Her voice carried to the bedroom of her small flat, and Sirius cautiously opened the bedroom door to see Dumbledore standing in the entryway.

"Ah," said Sirius, walking into the living room and standing next to Emmeline. "Albus. Good to see you."

"I'm not entirely surprised to see you here," began Dumbledore, "though I do want to once again reiterate the risk you take when you visit your old friends, and the danger you put them in."

Emma's brows knitted together as she opened to mouth to spit out a fierce retort about how she could very well take care of herself and Sirius, too, when Sirius cut her off.

"You're right, Albus," he said, looking sufficiently humbled. "It won't happen again."

Emmeline wasn't exactly pleased with that pronouncement, but merely folded her arms in front of herself and said nothing.

"Well, I was actually here to see Mr. Lupin, but perhaps it's proper that you're here too, Mr. Black," continued Dumbledore. "I trust we all know that Harry may be in a bit of danger this year."

She felt Sirius stiffen beside her, standing to attention much like a dog that has spotted a squirrel.

"The Tri-Wizard Tournament," said Remus, nodding.

"We've got Alastor Moody on staff this year," said Dumbledore. "He's your replacement, Remus. Good to have an Auror nearby, but with two other schools coming to Hogwarts and the tournament to organize I'm simply afraid I won't have the time to keep an eye on Harry."

"That's why I'm here," said Sirius.

"Yes, and despite my better judgment, I'm glad of it," acknowledged Dumbledore. "More help is better than less, so Remus, I'm going to ask you to keep your eyes and ears open-"

"What makes you think _Remus_ would be in contact-"

"Miss Vance," interrupted Dumbledore. "I have been told about your altercation with Arthur Weasley not two weeks past. And being that I hired a man I knew to be a werewolf as a professor at my school, you can hardly accuse me of prejudice."

Dumbledore's tone wasn't angry, his voice hadn't risen, but Emmeline felt admonished nonetheless.

"Mr. Lupin, you can listen and learn in a way that our escaped convict cannot, so while Sirius is nearby to be Harry's confidante, you _and Miss Vance,_" said Dumbledore, continuing before Emmeline could voice another protest, "can be our sources outside Hogwarts, for as much as I know about what goes on within the walls of my school, I'm often woefully unaware of happenings beyond it."

"I'll be on the lookout," said Remus solemnly. "Nothing better to do anyway."

Emmeline put a comforting hand on Remus's shoulder. Albus nodded and turned to Sirius.

"I can take you to the cave if you like," said Albus, his tone insistent.

Sirius took the hint. He stepped closer to Emmeline. Albus took a polite step away, suddenly taking a keen interest in the dying potted plant on her shelf. Remus was looking at the pair stoically. But her surroundings melted away when she felt Sirius's arms around her waist, pulling her hips against his.

"I won't be back," he said. "Not for a long time."

"I know," she said, feeling a lump in her throat rise unbidden as tears stung her eyes.

She gazed into his grey eyes, so expressive. Windows to his soul. She'd seen them carefree and young, broken and catatonic, dangerous and wild. Now a faint spark of the man he was before Azkaban seemed to be shining through, though the crinkling at the corners of those grey eyes betrayed their years apart. Sirius took a breath, looking as though he'd just decided something, and then without further warning, he bent his head and kissed her.

Electricity jolted through her, sending waves all the way down to her toes, as she opened her mouth to make room for his tongue. Her breath seemed stolen away from her as she felt his hands at the small of her back and his mouth insistent against hers. _Merlin_ she'd missed kissing him. She pulled him close, feeling tears on her lashes as she kissed him, trying to beg him to stay without words, although she knew he couldn't. He pulled away and she could feel his hands trembling against her body. Wiping tears from her lashes, she kissed him once more, gently, on his scruffy cheek.

"See you soon," she whispered.

He nodded and stepped out of her arms before following Albus Dumbledore out the door and disappearing with a loud _crack_.

Emmeline collapsed onto the couch, feeling like she'd just been forced through an emotional wringer. She was simultaneously giddy with excitement and biting back tears. She closed her eyes, picturing the kiss over and over in her mind and trying to force away the painful thought of Sirius's darker side. When she opened them, she saw that Remus still hadn't moved from his place against the wall and was looking seriously at her.

"I . . ." he began, clearing his throat. "I'll find another place to stay."

Emmeline shook her head, furrowing her brows in confusion and still feeling a bit dazed from Sirius's kiss.

"What?"

Remus was running a frustrated hand through his blonde hair.

"I have a friend," he said, "A werewolf. He'll let me stay with him. I'll pack my things."

"Remus, don't be ridiculous," said Emmeline, her euphoria crashing down into reality. "Why would you even say such a thing?"

"You and . . ."

He paused, considering his words as always and refusing to meet her gaze.

"Emma," he began softly. "I'm just not sure it's right for me to stay here with you. Not anymore."

"Why would you even say such a thing?" she said. "You've always been welcome here."

"Things are different," said Remus, his tone growing impatient as he reached for his trunk.

"That's utter nonsense," she snapped back, standing from the sofa and walking straight over to him, grabbing his hand away from the trunk on the floor. "You've always stayed here. I'm not letting you march off to some werewolf's den-"

"Werewolf's den?" spat Remus coldly. "Is that how you think my kind live?"

"No!" she said. "No, Remus, I'm sorry. Of course not. I just don't see why you can't-"

"I don't think it's a good idea to stay here anymore," said Remus, his amber eyes narrowed at her in something resembling anger.

Emmeline's mouth hung open as she looked at his expression. When was the last time he was _angry_ with her? She grasped both his hands firmly.

"Remus," she said softly.

He didn't answer. He just continued to stare at her, his eyes hard and fierce.

"Remus, please!" she insisted.

His expression softened slightly. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and her heart sank when he stiffened, not even lifting his hands to return the embrace.

"Remus, I don't want you to leave," said Emmeline against his shoulder. "I need you here. I can't do this by myself."

He sighed and relaxed in her grip.

"Oh, Emma," he said resignedly and put his arms cautiously around her waist. They sat like that for a long moment, and when she pulled away, she saw him gazing at her with a long-suffering expression.

"Don't go," she pleaded.

"I won't," he sighed.

And so he stayed.


	6. Chapter 6

Remus abandoned his job search (it was fruitless anyway) in favor of learning all he could that might affect Harry while at Hogwarts. Of a certainty, as word began to leak of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, he discovered more than one of the "unsavory types" scheming on varying nefarious plots, the most serious of which seemed to be a scandal intended to rig the betting on the Champions and then bribe the Tournament officials into fixing their scores. Remus reported all of these activities directly to the Headmaster. More sinister plans, however, were not surfacing. Emmeline tended to believe this meant there was no Death Eater plot underfoot, no conspiracy against Harry in his fourth year at Hogwarts. Remus disagreed entirely, believing with a surety that the plot against the young Potter had simply yet to surface.

And when she saw in the Daily Prophet that Harry himself had been named a Hogwarts Tri-Wizard Champion, she had to agree with him.

She received a frantic letter from Sirius via barn owl begging use of her fireplace on November 22nd in the middle of the night. Fingers shaking on her quill, she penned the reply. _Yes, of course you may. Please be careful._

Remus opened the front door moments after she'd sent the owl on his way, pulling off his coat to hang on the hook in the entryway.

"Sirius is coming to use the Floo on November 22nd," she said, in what she hoped was a casual manner.

Remus stiffened noticeably, his coat missing the hook and falling onto the floor as he entered the sitting room, his jaw set.

"What would make him risk your safety like that?" asked Remus.

Emmeline sighed heavily.

"It's Harry," she said, knowing that Harry was the only thing that would ever prompt Sirius to risk her safety. "Hogwarts Champion, everyone at the school despises him, he's just feeling lost and needs some fatherly advice."

"I could write to him," snapped Remus.

"You could," said Emmeline, and she stood and placed a calming hand on Remus's arm. "You could, Remus, but I'm sure Harry thinks of you like a professor. Sirius . . . well, I'm imagining Sirius is some wonderful mix of father, brother, and uncle to Harry. He needs Sirius."

Remus nodded reluctantly and sat down on the sofa, with Emmeline falling next to him. It hadn't been easy, living with Remus for the past several weeks. She understood why he'd wanted to leave. He had fulfilled all the roles a good friend should fill: consoling her when he was worried, laughing with her when she was happy, talking into the late hours when she needed reassurance. He was ever protective of her; ever since the Death Eater attack he had been cautioning her about working with those who were known former Death Eaters, Malfoy included. Now that tensions were rising around the Tri-Wizard Tournament, she often found him shadowing her office, keeping an ever-watchful eye on her. But the wine flowed a bit less freely than it had, and the lines around Remus's eyes betrayed a perpetual sadness that made her insides twist into a knot.

What would they be doing, she wondered, if Sirius hadn't come back? Remus might have stepped into the father figure role for Harry. Without the complication of Sirius, she might have plucked up the courage to visit Harry at the Burrow over the summer. And with the terrifying return of the Death Eaters, she would likely have Remus sleeping in her bed at night rather than on the sofa. An unwelcome wave of pleasure washed over her as memories of his skilled and gentle lovemaking returned to the front of her mind. She hadn't forgotten.

But Sirius _had_ returned, and Emmeline wanted very much to find a way to rekindle something of her life with him from so many years ago. She was confused, he was broken, and yet somehow, she felt they could reconnect, could get back that fiery passion that characterised their lives for years. Was that passion in him anymore? Was it in her?

She didn't know. And so, she absently rested against Remus on the sofa, letting her thoughts drift over her. Remus was her best friend, her one-time lover, the one constant in her life since childhood. She cared for him deeply. But love? Love she had always saved for Sirius.

"I'll go," said Remus against her.

"Go?" she said confusedly. "Go where?"

"The night Sirius comes," he said, looking down at her against his shoulder. "I'll find another place to be."

Emmeline didn't respond. She had no idea how to feel about any of it. So, she just relaxed next to her friend and closed her eyes. The sun was beginning to sink down toward the horizon. Remus shifted in his seat.

"Probably time," he said uncertainly.

Emma stretched and stood from the couch, heading into the kitchen where a large vial waited on the countertop. She handed it to Remus, who downed it in one long gulp and made a face. Shaking his head a bit, he looked down at her, his amber eyes looking at bit more feral than usual.

"Well, off to the closet I suppose," he said resignedly.

She gave him a comforting smile and walked with him to the storage closet in the back of her flat. He stepped inside it and turned around, waiting expectantly for her to close him in. She paused, looking at his worn face, and without thinking too much on it, drew him in for a tight hug, kissing his cheek quickly. As she pulled away, she saw ghost of a smile on his lips.

"See you in the morning," he said softly.

"See you," she whispered before closing the door and turning the key in the lock.

Emmeline traipsed back to her bedroom and peeled off her clothes, pulling a nightshirt over her head before climbing into bed and snuggling under the covers. It wasn't even late, the sun was still lingering in the sky, but she felt absolutely exhausted. She grabbed a book from her night table and tried to read, but she found she couldn't focus on the words. Having these two men in her life, Remus and Sirius, was proving more complicated than she could imagine. She thought of Sirius often, missed him, wondered how he was surviving in a cave as a dog. She grinned to think of his shaggy wagging tail. She remembered the way his laugh sounded like a bark even in human form. Yet, Remus was here, and the look in his eyes when he gazed at her said that maybe a very small part of himself (one he would never admit to having) wished Sirius hadn't returned. Remus, perhaps, loved her?

She fought to pay attention to the words on the page, but couldn't, and before the sun had even fallen below the horizon, she had fallen asleep.

It was late when she woke up, later than usual. Light was streaming bright through the windows. She bounded out of bed, wondering how long poor Remus had been sitting in the locked closet waiting for her to release him. Cursing, she sprinted to the closet door and turned the key in the lock.

Remus was sitting against the wall, knees against his chest.

"Remus, I'm so sorry! I overslept!"

He glanced up at her with empty eyes. She belatedly remembered that she was dressed only in her panties and a flimsy shirt, but ignored it for the moment. It wasn't as though he hadn't seen it all before. Bending down, she took his arm and helped him to his feet. Wolfsbane made the transformations tolerable, but she knew how his bones ached the morning after the full moon, and how he struggled to reconcile his mind with the ever-present threat of the wolf. She wrapped an arm around him and guided him to a seat at the kitchen table.

With a wave of her wand, a tea kettle was boiling and she was pressing a teacup into Remus's trembling hands. He always needed to be reassured the morning after a transformation, reminded that he was still human. Each month brought the same painful journey, those few hours after the sun rose in which he wasn't fully human yet and desperately needed to remember that people cared about him, furry little problem and all. His fear of abandonment ran close to the surface.

"You weren't there this morning," he said in a shaky voice. "I thought you'd left."

"I'd never leave," she said soothingly.

"I was . . . afraid," said Remus.

Emmeline climbed into his lap, snuggling against his shoulder as he buried his face in her hair. His hands journeyed to the bare skin on her back, always seeking human contact in these early hours.

_Who will do this for him when Sirius comes back?_ she wondered. _Who will bring him back to himself?_

For though the movement of his hands on her skin was asexual in nature, she wasn't sure that Sirius would approve. Finally, Remus's breathing evened and his trembling ceased, so Emmeline lifted her head from his chest to look at him. His amber eyes had lost the feral quality they had after a full moon; she could see Remus shining through them again. He glanced down at her, realizing that she was hardly dressed and his fingers were underneath her nightshirt. Remus turned pink and lifted her bodily from his lap.

"Sorry," he grunted, dropping his elbows on the table with a thump and burying his face in his hands.

Emmeline let a sympathetic smile creep across her lips, patting his shoulder. She needed him to stay, this was true, but it seemed that perhaps he needed her too.


	7. Chapter 7

A little more than a week later, Remus purposefully didn't return to the flat at 5pm as usual. Emmeline was nervously straightening the house and fluffing the pillows on the sofa for the three-hundredth time. Sirius was coming. She didn't know when or how, but he would be in this very room sometime before midnight. Emma grabbed the book she'd be trying to finish for weeks, but once again, she found her mind wandering as she gazed at the front door, waiting for the knock.

Impatience was killing her, and at about 9 o' clock, after hours of listening to the ticking of the clock in an otherwise silent room, she could no longer stand it. She decided to grab one of Remus's beers. He had them stowed in the pantry under a cooling spell, and Emma hoped he wouldn't mind if she took one. She had just popped the cap off the bottle and taken a long sip, resigned to a long night of waiting, when a loud scratch at the door startled her. She dropped the full bottle on the ground, cursing and casting a haphazard spell to clean up the mess, and racing to the front door.

When she opened the door, she saw a large black dog sitting on its haunches on her doormat, tail wagging merrily. An enormous grin stretched across her face as she ushered the shaggy animal into her flat.

After shutting and locking the door, Emmeline watched the black dog transform into the handsome man she had known for years. She couldn't help but leap at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He lifted her in the air and spun her around before setting her on her feet, his hands then coming up to her face to brush her dark hair from her eyes.

"I've missed you," he said with a smile.

"You shouldn't be here, you know," she replied, grinning mischievously.

He put a finger to her lips.

"Best not tell, then," said Sirius.

Emmeline led him into her small kitchen where the floor was still a bit sticky from spilled beer. Cleaning spells had never really been her forte. Smiling, she pulled out two more bottles from the pantry. Sirius took the beer from her and stared at it as she twisted off the cap of her own.

"I haven't had a beer in more than thirteen years," said Sirius quietly, his eyes haunted and his fingers shaking.

Her eyes widened, stopping with the bottle halfway to her lips. It was too easy to forget how much this man had been through. After all, he appeared healthy, he smiled and hugged her. How close beneath the contented exterior did the horrors lie? She remembered painfully the day he'd turned his wand on his in this very apartment. Simply handing him a beer had brought uneasiness back to his countenance. She found herself feeling frightened to move, to speak, afraid he would forget himself again as the memories washed over him.

Sirius stared at the beer, eyes clouded, and Emmeline waited, holding her breath, scared to make the quietest sound. After a long moment, he lifted his hand mechanically, twisted off the bottlecap, and took a swig. His eyes closed. A grin crept across his face. He smacked his lips.

"If I ever have to go to Azkaban again," he said smiling, eyes still closed, "promise me you'll sneak beer in through the bars."

Emmeline grinned.

"Promise," she said.

He opened his eyes, familiar grey with a spark of laughter in them, and clinked his bottle to hers. She took a long drink as he did, glad to see that he was capable of pulling himself out of the darkness. They walked back into the sitting room together, lowering themselves onto the couch, just near enough for comfort but not touching.

"I'm to Floo Harry at 1am," said Sirius.

"Does he know where you are?" she asked.

"Not really," he said with a shrug. "I've had him using different owls to make sure no one sees a pattern. Hedwig is his owl, and she's quite recognizable. If someone noticed her going into the same cave-"

"No, I mean does he know you'll be using the Floo at my flat?" she said.

"Oh," said Sirius. "No, I don't suppose so. I guess I'm not sure what to tell him about you."

Emmeline bit her lip. She wasn't sure either.

"Maybe nothing," she said sheepishly. "Not yet at least?"

Sirius nodded.

"So tell me about yourself," said Sirius, sipping his beer.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Really," he prodded. "I feel like I don't know anything about you. What do you do?"

She tilted her head to one side. It was true, she supposed. He didn't know anything about who she was now. He only knew the 20 year old Emmeline Vance, not the 34 year old one. And if she were honest with herself, she knew very little about 34 year old Sirius Black. Well, it was as good a time as any to get to know one another again.

"I work at a firm that manages wealthy wizards' estates," she said. "Including your cousin's, actually."

"Bellatrix?"

"Narcissa," responded Emmeline. "I like it. Keeps my busy."

"How long have you done that?"

"Oh, three years I think," said Emmeline. "Almost four, actually."

"What did you do before that?" asked Sirius, eyes shining with curiosity.

"Before that, Remus and I worked at a book store together," she answered. "I loved that job, but when they found out about his condition, they fired him, so I quit."

Sirius nodded approvingly.

"Where is Remus?" he asked.

"Tonight?" she said. "Out, I guess."

He gave her a very familiar suggestive smile, and she felt her cheeks color.

"So what else?" he continued.

"What do you want to know?" said Emmeline.

"Everything," he said with a smile.

She returned his smile warmly.

"Um, right after you . . . er . . . left, I went to work as a personal accountant. I worked for the Prewetts. The rich Prewetts, not the ones Molly Weasley came from," she said, and then paused, her face heating. "Oh, Merlin, that sounded awful. I didn't mean it like that."

"I knew what you meant," said Sirius, smiling for her to go on.

She gave an embarrassed chuckle and plowed ahead with her story.

"That continued on until Dominicus Prewett tried to marry me off to one of his hideous sons," she said with a shudder.

Sirius barked a laugh at that.

"Which one?" he said.

"Viator," she said, rolling her eyes.

Sirius laughed heavily, yelping out things like, "three-hundred forty pounds" and "beady eyes" in between gales of laughter. She smiled broadly despite feeling a bit perturbed that he was having such a raucous laugh at her expense. His laughter died down and he took another swig of beer, smiling brilliantly at her.

"So, never married, then?" he asked, his carefree tone betrayed by tension in the corners of his eyes.

"Never married."

"Did you . . . date much?" he asked cautiously.

She looked over at him, feeling extremely uncomfortable and having absolutely no idea how to answer such a question. Sirius noticed the look on her face.

"It doesn't matter," he said, shaking his head. "Forget I asked."

She grinned sheepishly at him and decided to scoot closer to him. She shifted once, twice, as he stared at her with uncertain eyes, until she was flush against him, resting her head tentatively on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm behind her, pulling her closer and burying his face in her hair.

"Emma?"

"Hm?"

And in a voice that was so quiet she almost didn't hear, he said, "I still love you."

She lifted her head from his shoulder and stared at him, willing her mouth to stay shut so her jaw didn't fall to the floor. His expression was vulnerable. He lifted a hand to her face.

"I know this is confusing, and difficult . . . " he continued quietly, "I don't want you to say it. I know I'm not the man you loved fourteen years ago. I know you've been through a lot since then. I just . . . I just wanted you to know that the way I feel hasn't changed. I still love you. I never stopped."

He brought her face to his, never dropping her gaze, and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She felt transported to the world in which it was just Emma and Sirius, no complications. She kissed him again, lips parting slightly. His hands traveled down her body to graze her hips, to touch her back, to pull her close to his body. Every worry disappeared in the soft movements of his mouth, and when she let a whimper escape her lips, his answering feral groan made a tingling sensation flare up below her belly button. Her hips pressed against him of their own accord, her breathing coming fast and heavy. Her hands searched his body, feeling for the familiarity she longed for: his unshaven face, his strong jaw, his shoulders, which were at last filling out since his stint in Azkaban.

Azkaban. Dementors. Voldemort. Remus.

The memories slammed against her and she pulled back abruptly, just as his hands were beginning a cautious journey below her waist. He looked stunned.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, pulling both hands back from her body. "I shouldn't have even tried to-"

"Oh, it's not that, Sirius," she said with a sigh, slumping against him. "It's just . . ."

There was a long pause.

"Just what?" he asked.

"It's just complicated," she whispered.

Sirius wrapped both arms around her in a bear hug and nodded, leaning his head against hers and his breaths to go back to normal. They sat in silence for a few moments before returning to their beers. She was relieved to find that the conversation continued with no hint of awkwardness as they laughed and caught up with each other. Every now and then, Sirius would use the fireplace to check the Gryffindor Common Room, impatient for the room to be empty so that he and Harry could talk.

When the clock on the wall struck 1am, Sirius threw a handful of Floo powder in the flames and his head disappeared. She could hear his conversation, muffled and barely understandable, but when she heard something about dragons, she got nervous.

"Sirius! Dragons?!" she hissed.

Sirius waved a hand in the air, indicating that he'd heard her but not able to respond.

"Is the first task dragons?!" she pressed.

Sirius gave a thumbs up symbol as he continued his conversation with Harry.

"Tell him about the Conjunctivitis Curse!" she said, hoping that he'd heard her.

A few minutes later, though, Sirius jumped back from the fireplace as though making a hasty exit.

"Did you tell him?" she asked.

"Didn't get a chance to," he replied, shaking his head. "Someone showed up in the common room."

Emmeline was wringing her hands nervously, and Sirius looked grave.

"I've got to get back," said Sirius. "I need to be close."

Emmeline nodded and followed him to the entryway. He reached for the doorknob but paused, turning back to her. He took a step toward her, grey eyes searching her face, and it seemed he found something promising in her expression because he smiled before dipping his head to kiss her. She fisted her hands in his black hair and pulled him close, attacking his mouth with hers, letting her tongue graze the inside of his mouth. His lips danced across hers before making a journey to her jaw, her neck, her ear. She gasped softly and wondered momentarily if she should be worried that he would leave a mark. He stopped quickly, however, and looked at her with a sort of dazed grin.

With her face cupped in his hands, he said softly, "I love you, Emma."

He turned abruptly, taking one step outside her door before disappearing with a loud _crack._ She felt a smile creeping across her lips.

"I love you, too," she said to the empty space where he had just been.


	8. Chapter 8

The rest of Harry's Fourth year passed quickly. Emmeline read about Harry's first task in the Daily Prophet, seeing that while Viktor Krum had used her Conjunctivitis idea with minimal success, Harry had actually come up with his own idea that worked brilliantly.

With Sirius gone and out of contact, she and Remus fell into their old habits: drinking wine in the evenings, laughing, reminiscing, and worrying about Harry. She thought often of Sirius, wondering how things would be different if she'd allowed him more than just a kiss that night. If she'd been able to let go of the bad memories and the guilt. Sometimes she replayed the night in her mind over and over, but in her fantasies, she'd let him venture between her legs to lift her skirt and touch her most sensitive place. She found herself imagining him at night as she touched her own body, cursing herself for not letting it go further.

And yet, other times, she could think of nothing but the shadows in his eyes, his insanity, his catatonia, his propensity to go off without warning. When the fear of the man Sirius had become filled her mind, it was Remus that she pictured. Remus, who was kind and gentle and perfect.

Harry's Second Task passed without incident. She read the article voraciously, chuckling at several parts, including Krum's ill-fated self-transfiguration attempt and the fact that Harry's most treasured person was none other than Ron Weasley. It reminded her very much of Sirius and James, or Sirius and Remus, or Remus and James. Soon, the time for the Third Task had come. Sirius desperately wanted to be present for his godson's final trial, and with Dumbledore's permission, Emma and Remus were allowed to attend with him.

Remus and Emmeline were sitting next to each other on a bench outside the maze with a large, shaggy dog to their right. Harry hadn't noticed them; he was nervous enough as it was, and Remus didn't feel comfortable talking to him beforehand.

"But you were his best Defence Against the Dark Arts professor!" urged Emma.

"It's against the rules for professors to help the students," said Remus.

"You aren't his professor anymore," she said.

"I don't think it's appropriate," he said.

She rolled her eyes and muttered something about him being a poor excuse for an ex-Marauder, which made the shaggy dog yelp in agreement. When Harry disappeared into the maze, there was really nothing to do but wait nervously. Remus conferred quietly with Dumbledore at one point. Emmeline absently scratched behind Sirius's shaggy dog ears. Minutes turned to hours as they waited nervously.

"Is it supposed to take this long?" she whispered to Remus.

"I have no idea how long it's supposed to take," he answered.

When red sparks flew into the air, a murmur rushed over the crowd. A couple of the wizards from the Ministry Disapparated immediately.

"Remus, something feels really wrong," said Emmeline, shifting in her seat and feeling an inexplicable sense of foreboding. "Should they be able to Disapparate on the grounds like that?"

"I think some exceptions were made for the Task," answered Remus.

"I don't like this," she said, and the black dog whined beside her.

Hours crept by and Emmeline felt filled with dread. Finally, after ages of waiting, the Triwizard Cup appeared in the clearing with Harry and Cedric Diggory nearby. Remus let out an enormous sigh of relief, but Emmeline immediately sensed something was very wrong.

The crowds shouts of joy shifted to sounds of horror as the truth unfolded. Cedric Diggory lay dead on the ground. Emma clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle a cry. Chaos ensued, and Emmeline saw Harry being led away by Mad-Eye Moody. She immediately leaned down to Sirius.

"Go!" she hissed into his furry ear.

Sirius bounded toward the castle immediately. Emmeline grasped Remus's hand as they watched the bedlam unfold, her other hand near her wand in case the confusion turned dangerous. Amos Diggory was wailing, a heart-wrenching sound that made Emmeline's stomach twist. Dumbledore was doing all he could to console the man, but she noticed the exact moment when Albus realized that Harry was not nearby. The aging wizard straightened and spoke a few words to those around him before rushing toward the castle.

The rest of the night was a blur. Remus and Emmeline, both feeling that they were really just in the way of everyone else, headed back to her flat. Remus paced the floor in agitation; Emmeline vacillated between stoicism and tears. When they heard a scratch on the door hours later, they both jumped to answer it.

Sirius trotted in and transformed back into himself, looking haggard and exhausted. He collapsed onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. Emmeline sat cautiously next to him, placing a hand gently on his broad back, while Remus perched in the armchair, waiting with bated breath for answers.

"The things that boy has been through," said Sirius, his voice cracking. "Things a grown wizard could never-"

Sirius broke off and shuddered. Emmeline looked up to meet Remus's eyes and found him staring at her in shock and confusion. Sirius took a few measured breaths before lifting his head from his hands and continuing.

"Voldemort's back," said Sirius firmly. "And Harry had to face him in a Wizard's Duel."

Remus's face turned ashen as he sank back in his seat. Emmeline had no words. What could she even say to that? Sirius spent a few minutes recounting everything he'd learned, and Emmeline found herself despising Peter Pettigrew more than she even thought possible.

"They're reforming the Order," said Sirius. "Albus wants you both to join, of course."

"Of course we will," said Remus immediately. "What can I do?"

"I don't even know," said Sirius quietly, a catatonia creeping into his eyes as despair took hold.

"Sirius, why don't you go lie down?" said Emmeline cautiously.

Sirius nodded absently, his eyes heavy with despair. Emma guided him to her bedroom, remember vividly the last time she did so, when he was fresh out of Azkaban and had spent a year seeking Peter Pettigrew. As then, Sirius had a haunted expression and seemed to have little will to move forward of his own accord. She pushed him down into the bed, removing his shoes and trousers and covering him with a blanket before returning to the sitting room with Remus, who still looked stunned.

Without any words to describe the terror she felt, Emmeline rushed to the kitchen to gather herself. Her hand reached back and forth between tea kettle and wine bottle, unable to decide which the night's revelations called for. She pulled the wine bottle off the rack, but then stowed it and began to wave her wand to fill the tea kettle. Then, she changed her mind again, but in her attempt to pour out the kettle, she dropped it, sending shards of porcelain scattering across the floor. Emmeline immediately burst into sobs.

Remus was at her side in an instant, waving his wand to clean up her mess and wrapping his arms around her. His presence was reassuring, and her tears subsided, though his coat was a bit damp where her face had rested.

"I'm frightened," she whispered, her face coloring at her admission.

"I am, too," he said with a sad smile, stroking her face gently with his finger. He looked almost as though he was going to lean down and kiss her.

She gazed into his amber eyes, glad to find reassurance and comfort there, and momentarily wished that he would kiss her. Not because she loved him, but because she needed him. He seemed to decide better of it, though, and he pulled away and sat down at the kitchen table. She picked up the kettle he had repaired and filling it with water again. Tea was the right choice for this night. She and Remus each drained a cup in silence.

"I'm going to Hogwarts," said Remus. "I need to talk to Albus."

Emmeline nodded.

"Please be careful," she begged, grasping his hand. He smiled gently at her, a forlorn expression on his face that broke her heart.

Remus grabbed his traveling cloak and left. It was late, very late, and she stacked their teacups in the sink and headed to her bed. She entered her room to see Sirius, unmoving and asleep under the blanket. The sight of his peaceful face made her smile. With a deep breath, she pulled off her jeans and crawled into bed next to him, wrapping herself around his sleeping form.

He stirred slightly, eyes fluttering open and gazing at her in surprise. She pulled him close, and he wrapped his arms around her. In moments, she was drifting off to sleep on his chest, listening to his steady breathing and the beating of his heart.

In the morning, Emmeline awoke and felt a strong arm around her waist, a man's form pressed against her back, his breaths tickling the back of her neck. In the fog of sleep, she thought it was Remus at first, comforting and ever-present. Belatedly, she realized that the body behind her was shorter and more compact. _Sirius_. Memories from the night before washed over her, but with the sun's rays pouring in through the window, the fear of Voldemort seemed less pressing. And, she silently admitted, the feeling of Sirius's hard body spooning hers helped tremendously. She could feel the outline of his manhood through his boxers, sending an immediately wave of heat through her body. She shifted experimentally against him, making him stir and pull her closer.

She made a decision. Right then. She was ready. She needed someone. She needed _him_. Life was too short, as demonstrated horribly in the death of Amos Diggory's son the night before. She was finished with confusion, with fear, with hesitation, with guilt and worry about Remus. She loved Sirius. She was ready.

Her hand grasped his and pulled it down between her thighs as she arched her back. He stirred again and the softest moan escaped his throat when she placed his fingers against her center. His fingers began to move against her and she felt the twitch of his cock against her arse.

"Emma," he whispered hoarsely, fingers moving earnestly and seeking the sensitive bud within the lips of her vagina.

She moaned out loud as his mouth grazed her neck and his hips thrust against her. Her fingernails scraped his arm, and she bit her lip against a cry of pleasure when the pad of his finger touched her . . .

"_Yes,"_ she groaned. "_There._"

Sirius responded with ferocity and continued his ministrations. She could feel his hardness pressing against her as she approached climax. She hadn't been touched there in so long, and the overwhelming emotion she felt at being touched by _Sirius_- after fourteen years away from him, she'd forgotten the feverish passion of his touch. Her legs began shaking of their own accord as her body climbed to ecstasy. His mouth attacked her neck in a way that she knew would leave a mark. Moments later, her entire body convulsed in pleasure, a strangled cry escaping her lips and her body shaking fiercely. Sirius eased his touch until she came down from the plateau of pleasure.

She wriggled out of her panties and pushed her back against him. His hand gripped her hip so tightly it almost hurt.

"Are you sure about this?" he murmured.

"Please," she whined.

She felt him pulling his boxers off, and when she felt the head of his cock part her lips she shuddered in the anticipation of pleasure. A threat of tears stung her eyes, but she willed them away. She was finally making love to the man she'd loved for more than a decade. The emotions were powerful. He slipped inside her and they both gasped audibly.

"Merlin," he moaned.

He sat frozen for a moment, sheathed fully inside of her and gripping her hips. His hands wandered her body, under her shirt to graze her breasts, along the curve of her neck. She rocked her hips insistently, and a playful chuckle emanated from his throat. She closed her eyes. Merlin, she'd missed that sound.

He began thrusting inside her, breath coming in fast pants and fingers digging into her skin. Memories of nights together so many years ago flooded her mind: tender and tentative lovemaking in the secret alcoves of Hogwarts; boisterous sex at Sirius's flat, his hand over her mouth so James wouldn't hear; rough and passionate fucking in her bedroom. All of it paled in comparison to this reunion, and all thought of Remus fled her mind. Every inch of Sirius's shaft set her nerve endings on fire. She felt a second climax building on the heels of the first.

"Emma," grunted Sirius as he slid in and out of her. "It's been so long . . . I won't be able to hold out . . ."

"Just a minute more," she whispered sensually.

She could feel the tension in every muscle of his body as he fought to sustain her pleasure. His thrusts became erratic, his breath labored. The head of his cock slid again and again over the sensitive places inside and her, and soon, she felt her inner walls clamp down on him as she let out a lusty wail, orgasm crashing over her like a tidal wave. He followed immediately, howling as he spilled himself into her, his cock pulsing rhythmically.

A sheen of sweat coated her body and she was breathing fast and heavy. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, not letting himself leave her body yet. His lips planted gentle kisses everywhere he could reach.

She _loved_ this man.

After they had come down from their passionate reunion, Emma shifted in the bed so she could rest her head on his chest. He kissed her hair and held her close.

"I've missed you so much," he said softly, his voice choked with emotion. "I've missed _this_."

Emmeline smiled.

"I have too," she said.

She wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms in the sanctuary of her bed and ignore the awful reality that lay outside of it. After lingering in the bed a bit longer than they should, Emmeline knew they had to find out what was happening and what their part in it should be. She dressed slowly, with Sirius taking every opportunity to touch her and ogle her good-naturedly. She smiled and blushed under his gaze. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as she opened the door, and she found herself giggling against her own will as the pair left the bedroom.

Remus was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the Daily Prophet and looking extremely perturbed.

"A Silencing Charm would be polite next time," he said in a clipped tone.

Sirius barked a laugh, clearly quite proud of himself, and Emma felt her cheeks redden in both embarrassment and guilt. She slid into a chair next to Remus.

"I spent the better part of the night with Albus Dumbledore trying to figure out what to do next," said Remus impatiently. "The only positive thing about this whole night is that we know about Voldemort's reemergence. His entire plan hinged on the fact that we wouldn't find out. We can rally our supporters quickly and begin the resistance."

Emma nodded. Sirius sat backwards on a chair, letting his black hair fall casually into his eyes. He still had a half-smile on his face and a pleased look that a man only gets when he's finally gotten laid after a very long period of celibacy.

"Albus suggested we use your family home as Headquarters," Remus said.

The pleased look fell off of Sirius's face in an instant.

"Grimmauld Place?" he spat. "I'm never setting foot in that house. Ever."

"Albus needs a meeting place that's undetectable, a place that's safe," said Remus.

"Albus can suck my-"

"_Sirius,_" admonished Emmeline.

"I won't go there," said Sirius. "You can't make me."

"You sound like a child," chided Remus.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AT THAT HOUSE?!" roared Sirius, standing abruptly from the table and overturning the chair he was sitting on moments earlier. "DO YOU KNOW HOW I WAS TREATED THERE?"

"We need a place to-"

"I'D RATHER BE IN AZKABAN!" he shouted, his eyes crazed and the madness erasing any hint of the Sirius that had just been wrapped around her in her bed. Sirius pulled out his wand and cast an obliteration curse at the chair on the floor, splintering into a thousand pieces.

"SIRIUS!" shouted Remus, standing from his chair.

Sirius's teeth were bared in a menacing growl and his eyes were feral and frightening. Emma was terrified. She would take Remus the morning after a transformation one hundred times over this. Sirius glanced wildly between the two of them.

"I'm not going back there," he said in a voice that did not sound at all like Sirius.

"Fine," said Remus, throwing his hands in the air. "Stay in the damned cave and rot! We just need to get into the house. Once you show us how, we'll let you get caught and carted away to Azkaban, and may the Dementors have their way with you!"

Sirius may as well have had smoke pouring from him ears. He was incensed. He glanced toward the front door.

"Don't," said Remus through gritted teeth.

Sirius turned on his heel and stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door so forcefully behind him that two pictures on the wall fell to the floor. Remus, his jaw set in anger and frustration, cast a spell to repair the obliterated chair while Emmeline used her wand to return the pictures to their proper places. Remus looked on the verge of a breakdown himself. Suddenly, he spoke.

"I was up all night trying to figure out a way to save all our lives, Emma!" he spat. "And here you were, having a good old reunion with your lover!"

"I'm sorry, Remus, I-"

"Don't bother apologizing," he said angrily. "The best way you can make up for your mistake is by convincing him to let us use his house."

With that, Remus grabbed his newspaper and marched out the door. She was left at the table alone and bewildered.

"Mistake?" she said aloud, eyebrows knitting together in annoyance.

Emmeline gazed at her bedroom door, wondering which Sirius was lurking behind it: the sweet and sensual lover, or the deranged lunatic. She busied herself making coffee and toasting bread for breakfast, trying to will her hands to stop shaking. Enough was going on in the Wizarding world without the two men she loved most abandoning her. She drank coffee slowly, hoping to see Sirius before she had to leave for work, but it was already nearly ten o' clock. She had to leave. Writing a quite note to Sirius on a conjured piece of parchment, she grabbed her things and left.


	9. Chapter 9

It was strange going to work on a day like that, when it seemed everything should be completely different, but in reality, everything looked exactly the same. People milled in and out of shops, owls soared overhead. She walked in the door of her office and saw none other than Lucius Malfoy waiting for her there.

"Mr. Malfoy!" she cried, shocked.

He looked exhausted and haggard, but he was impeccably dressed. His blue eyes were piercing as they stared at her, and she immediately put up her mental defenses in case he was considering Legilimency. It wouldn't do for him to know what she knew. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Can I help you?" she asked, sitting at her desk and summoning his file from her cabinet with a wave of her wand.

"I'm closing my account," he said firmly. "And I have authorizations here from two of your other clients to do the same."

He placed two pieces of parchment on her desk, both charmed with Identity Protection Spells and signed by Walden Macnair and George Goyle. She was stunned, but she managed keep her expression neutral, silently thanking the years of practice in Pureblood society as a child.

"We're sorry to lose the three of you," said Emmeline calmly. "Is there something wrong with the firm?"

"No," said Malfoy.

"May I ask why you're withdrawing your accounts?" she pressed.

"No," he snapped.

Emmeline hurried through the paperwork necessary to close Malfoy's account, eager to tell Remus about this development. It was further confirmation of Harry's story. After Malfoy had signed the last form, he stood from his chair. He was eyeing her shrewdly.

"Good luck," he said coolly.

Emmeline didn't think he was referring to her business.

She raced home, eager to get a Patronus to Remus to explain what had happened but unwilling to send one from such a public place. When she opened the door, however, she saw Sirius sitting at the kitchen table, his head resting on his arms. He looked dejected, lost, angry. She approached cautiously like he was a skittish horse. His grey eyes glanced up at her with a forlorn expression.

"When I was twelve, I was standing on the staircase in the house on Grimmauld Place, and my mother told me the spell she should have used to terminate her pregnancy. She said she'd wished I'd never been born," he said, and Emmeline lay a gentle hand on his arm. "When I was fourteen, my father got so mad, he locked me in the basement, turned off the lights, and conjured monstrous things that growled and nipped at my legs. I was screaming and climbing on the cabinets, begging him to let me out."

Emmeline bit her lip, her heart breaking for everything he'd been through.

"That house was a nightmare. The happiest day of my life was moving in with James when I was sixteen," he said. "I swore I'd never go back."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"But I will," he said firmly. "If this is how I can help, I'll do it. Merlin knows I can't do anything else."

She pulled back and stared at him.

"You scare me sometimes Sirius," she said.

"I know," he said, dejected. "I scare myself."

Emmeline searched his face to make sure he was certain about the return to Grimmauld Place. Satisfied with what she found there, she took his arm.

"Let's go," she said softly.

Sirius told her the precise location of his childhood home. Closing her eyes and thinking of the happiest memory she could, the feel of his body pressed against hers in her bed that very morning, she cast a Patronus, an elegant eagle. She originally thought to send it to Remus, but remembering his rudeness and still feeling a very peculiar sense of guilt, she instead sent a message to Albus Dumbledore: they were on their way to Sirius's family home.

Sirius transformed into the shaggy dog, and on her porch, she gripped his fur tightly before Apparating away to Central London. She was surprised to see Dumbledore standing on the street a few feet away.

"I thought it best to arrive as quickly as possible," he said in explanation.

Sirius the dog barked and wagged his tail, nudging her with his nose. He continued to badger her until she finally realized what he was suggesting. She grasped hold of his fur once again and followed as he walked toward a wall in between two houses. Where was he going? Suddenly, she saw a dark, foreboding house appear in between Number 11 and Number 13. Sirius trotted up to the door and transformed back into his human self. He looked nauseous.

"Go get Albus," he said. "Now that you know where it is, you can bring him."

She walked away from the house, and it disappeared once again between Number 11 and Number 13. Dumbledore was waiting patiently. She took his arm and they walked forward, seeing the house appear once again. Dumbledore made an appreciative noise.

"Yes, this will do nicely," said the old wizard.

Sirius was frozen on the stoop. Emmeline grasped his hand and turned the door handle, stepping into the house, which smelled musty and dank. Sirius was unwilling to take a step forward, so she pulled him in by the hand. Dumbledore followed behind, murmuring his approval.

"We'll need to cast the Fidelius Charm," said Dumbledore.

Sirius stiffened noticeably. Their last Fidelius Charm hadn't ended well.

"I can be the Secret Keeper," Dumbledore continued gently.

Emmeline nodded her agreement. Sirius was still standing as still as a statue, his chest barely even moving with his breaths. Quickly, she helped Dumbledore cast the spell. Once it was completed, no one would be able to reveal the location of Headquarters besides him. She felt a strange sensation wash over her tongue as she finished the spell. Dumbledore turned to her and smiled.

"I'll make sure to let the rest of the Order know. We'll want to meet sooner rather than later," he said. "Thank you, Mister Black. Your help in this is invaluable."

Sirius nodded dumbly, and Emmeline saw Dumbledore out the door. She returned to Sirius and clasped his hand again.

"I'm so sorry you have to be here," she said quietly.

He didn't respond, so she pulled him close to her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He was stiff in her embrace. She tugged him over to the dark sitting room, casting a spell with her wand to light the lamps, though the room was still dim and maudlin. He was practically catatonic until she pulled him down to sit on the couch. An enormous cloud of dust flew from the couch, making Emmeline cough and sneeze and bat at the air against the dirt. When the cloud had settled, she looked at Sirius, who had a coat of dust in his hair and a grin.

"Don't you dare laugh at me," she said, pointing her finger at him.

His smile widened and he leaned closer to her.

"Stop it! You're filthy!" she said, laughing.

He pushed her down onto her back, causing another fog of dust to surround them, and he kissed her lips. She threaded her fingers through his long black hair, holding it away from her face as he kissed her, closed-mouthed but pliant. Then, without warning, he sneezed in her face.

"SIRIUS!" she said, wiping her face with her hands. They both laughed.

Sitting up, she began casting a few spells to tidy up the dust while Sirius gazed around with a curious expression. She smiled at him, and he smiled reluctantly back at her.

"I want to see your room," she said, raising an eyebrow at him.

He chuckled and stood, holding a hand out for her to take. Slowly, they made their way toward the staircase. Near the entryway was a large portrait with curtains hanging over it. Sirius stopped and stared.

"That's a portrait of my mum," he said.

She moved forward to touch the curtain, but he yanked her arm back, giving her a shake of the head. Emmeline followed him up the stairs, pausing with him every few moments as he stopped to gaze at a dusty picture, a candelabra, a torn piece of wallpaper. The memories were buried everywhere in this house, she supposed, and she hoped that they wouldn't pull him under with them. Finally, they arrived at a large wooden door with the words, "Sirius Orion Black" emblazoned on the front. He turned to her and waggled his eyebrows.

"I've never brought a girl into my bedroom before," he said with a flirty tone that _almost_ masked the pain in his eyes.

She smiled and followed him into the room, which looked very much like a teenaged boy still lived there. Posters of Muggle women in bikinis hung on the walls, coated in a thin layer of dust. Sirius had a half-grin on his face as he looked around the room. Emmeline waved her wand to turn on the light, and the room illuminated in a brightness that seemed to elude the rest of the house.

"I'm home," said Sirius sardonically.

Emmeline nudged him with her elbow, rolling her eyes at him and casting a few quick charms to rid the room of some of the filth that resulted from years of disuse.

"It looks like no one has set foot in here since I left home," said Sirius. "Nothing's been touched. It's exactly as it was when I was sixteen."

Emmeline perched on the edge of the bed.

"I daydreamed about being in your bed when I was sixteen," she said mischievously.

At that, Sirius turned to her with a predatory gaze.

"Finally got your wish," he said, stalking her like a wolf seeking prey.

He pounced on her and pinned her to the bed, planting a kiss on her neck and staring into her eyes.

"I couldn't have come back here without you," he said softly. "It would have been too hard."

"It's still hard," she said.

"Oh, it's hard all right," he joked, and thrust his hips against her.

She laughed loudly and batted him away, rolling him off of her and standing from the bed, taking her time as she looked at the pictures of Sirius and his friends, pausing to touch one in which James was smiling brilliantly with his arms around Sirius and Remus both. Sirius was staring at it too, not moving from his place on the bed. She watched the inner battle in his thoughts, misery fighting to poison his mind. His face was sad, but there was no despair in his expression. Perhaps he was healing slowly after all.

A silvery Patronus flew into the room, startling them both.

"Expect company at nine o' clock," said the voice of Albus Dumbledore.

It was nearly eight-thirty already.

"Not much time for us, I suppose," she said.

Sirius stood from the bed and stepped to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She loved the feel of his strong hands holding her. She loved to look into his grey eyes and see the old Sirius looking back at her, not the one broken by twelve years in Azkaban, and though the shadows lingered in his gaze, she could see the man she loved in his face. She lifted her head up and kissed his lips gently.

"It feels like we're starting over," she said.

"Really?" he replied with a small smile. "I was just going to say it feels like we're picking up where we left off."

His smile grew and he kissed her again, his lips insistent against hers and his tongue probing her mouth for entrance. Her knees felt as though they might give out as her head spun, her surroundings once again fading away as she lost herself in the exquisite feeling of his kiss. His hands crept under her shirt to feel her bare skin, and before her foggy mind could process what was happening, her shirt was over her head and his hands were fumbling nervously with the fastenings of her bra. After a few long seconds waiting for him to remove it, she reached back to do it herself, meeting his eyes with a grin.

"I've lost my touch," he said quietly, his expression glum.

"I'm sure you'll remember what to do once it's off," she said, shedding the garment with a devious grin.

His eyes lit up like a child's at Christmas and his hands reached for her chest. Gently, he massaged her breasts, his mouth returning to hers and his hips pressing against her belly. He dipped his lips to coax her nipple to erectness, licking and sucking softly before turning his attention to the other. A sigh escaped her lips, and she ran her fingers through his hair, pulling his head back up so she could meet his lips again.

They heard the front door slam open.

Sirius sighed and brought his forehead down to rest against hers. They stood together for a moment, still flushed from their encounter, before Emmeline reached for her clothes and dressed herself. They left Sirius's bedroom and traipsed down the stairs, finding Remus in the kitchen casting a few cleaning spells and calling "_Accio Tea Kettle!_"

"Hey," said Emmeline.

Remus looked up at them, a strange expression on his face that seemed to be a mixture of anger, guilt, and sadness all at once.

"Hello," he replied glumly, returning to his cleaning. "Just getting the place ready for the rest of the Order."

"Thanks," said Emmeline, and she went about helping him, preparing the dank house for the meeting that night.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time the Order members began trickling in, they had the kitchen presentable and a large pot of tea under a warming spell. Though awkwardness still lingered in the air between Emma and Remus, their shared task of cleaning the kitchen had brought them to a comfortable amiability. They finished up the cleaning as a pair of new members walked in door.

"Nymphadora?!" said Sirius in disbelief.

Emmeline turned to look at the young, pretty witch who was walking in with a tall, handsome dark-skinned man. The young woman had bright pink hair and beautiful brown eyes, but when she caught sight of the man who'd just said her name, she stumbled backward against the wall, reaching for her wand.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" shouted the witch. "KINGSLEY, IT'S SIRIUS BLACK!"

Before anyone could do or say anything, the pink-haired woman had cast a Body Bind Curse, and Sirius fell face first onto the floor.

"NYMPHADORA!" yelled the man, who must be Kinglsey, as he grabbed her wand from her to prevent her from casting anything else.

"We've caught Sirius Black!" she cried exuberantly.

"Nymphadora-"

"Stop calling me that!" she said.

"Excuse me, _Tonks_," the man said.

Nymphadora Tonks was staring around at the faces in the room, with expressions ranging from horrified to amused. Emmeline had dropped to her knees, rolling Sirius onto his back. She cast the Counter-Curse, and then quickly repaired his nose, which had broken in the fall.

"Why is no one concerned about Sirius Black being right here in front of us?" said Tonks nervously.

"He's in the Order," said Kingsley.

"Ohhhhhh," said Tonks, turning a bit pink. "I suppose that does make sense, considering we're at the house where he grew up . . ."

"Good to see you again, Nymyphadora," said Sirius, standing from the floor and wiping blood from his nose.

"Don't call me that!" she snapped. "It's just Tonks, all right? And sorry about your nose."

"No harm done," Sirius said with a smile. "Nymph- er - Tonks, this is Emmeline Vance. Emma, this is my baby cousin, Nymph – sorry – Tonks."

Emmeline shook the young girl's hand, unable to stop herself from being a bit annoyed at the outburst. Some people simply had no idea how to behave.

"And this is Remus Lupin," said Sirius, indicating his sandy-haired friend. "He's a friend from Hogwarts. Werewolf, too. Don't hex him, though."

Remus looked ashamed and stepped back from Sirius's young cousin, but Tonks was unfazed. She reached out her hand and took Remus's, though he seemed reluctant. Emmeline saw her eyes roam up and down his form, and she felt a peculiar mix of jealousy and excitement rush over her. That reckless young woman was checking him out!

The Order meeting convened moments later, after a small group of Weasleys had arrived: Arthur, who still seemed a bit nervous around Emma as she hadn't seen him since her outburst ages ago, Molly, and Bill. The business discussed was fairly straightforward. They made introductions, shared a few rumours of Voldemort and Death Eater movements, and discussed one issue of importance: a Prophecy. Apparently, Dumbledore believed Voldemort would be after this prophecy in the months to come, seeking to understand more about the relationship he had with Harry Potter. Dumbledore did not reveal its contents, but did discuss the need for guarding the Department of Mysteries against Voldemort.

"Does the Ministry not guard the prophecies?" asked Emmeline.

"They do," answered Dumbledore, "but I do worry that the Ministry may be infiltrated by Voldemort's supporters. I would prefer someone from the Order to be on duty at all times."

"I can," said Remus. "I've nothing else to do."

"I can, too," said Emmeline, realizing that she'd never told anyone about the Death Eaters withdrawing their funds. She quickly recounted the morning's events. "I've lost three of my best clients, so I don't have a lot to do."

"I can help," interjected Sirius.

"No," said Dumbledore at once. "You'll stay here."

Emmeline gave Sirius a sympathetic smile, but Sirius's expression was stony.

"Miss Vance and Mister Lupin will do for now," said Dumbledore. "We'll rotate more into guard duty after the summer holidays end. We also need to ensure that someone is keeping an eye on Harry."

"I can do that," said Sirius. "In dog form."

Dumbledore gave Sirius a patient smile that clearly indicated Sirius would be doing nothing of the sort. Sirius looked petulant, his eyes clouding over in anger and the haunted look returning to his countenance, but he remained silent. The rest of the Order members figured out a rotation of guards for Privet Drive.

"Very well. Here is a map of the Department of Mysteries for you and Mister Lupin," said Dumbledore, handing her a map. "I think that's all the business for today. We will reconvene soon."

The Order members filed out slowly, shaking each other's hands and whispering good luck wishes. Sirius remained seated, arms crossed over his chest, while Remus and Emmeline saw the others out. When they had gone, Remus spread the map over the countertop. They leaned over it together, talking quietly and pointing to various locations that might be weak points where a Death Eater could sneak by.

"Looks like we'll be spending a lot of time up there over the next couple of months," said Remus.

Emmeline nodded.

"This weekend is the full moon," he continued, "so I won't be able to be there."

She wrapped an arm around him in a reassuring way.

"Don't worry about it," she answered, turning to him and smiling as she gazed into his amber eyes.

"Did you two fuck while I was in Azkaban?" asked Sirius abruptly.

Emmeline and Remus both turned to stare at him with open mouths. Sirius's eyes were flashing dangerously. He leaned forward toward them.

"Don't think I can't tell."

His voice caught her off guard with its surprising bitterness. The Azkaban Sirius hadn't surfaced in ages, and she'd almost forgotten how volatile he could be. His grey eyes were sparkling in fury, his skin pale and every muscle in his body standing taut. She was still leaning over the table close to Remus, who seemed aghast at Sirius's outburst, the map of the Department of Mysteries forgotten.

"Isn't that just lovely?" he said coldly. "My girl and the only friend I had left, in the throes of heated passion, rejoicing at the fact that the deranged criminal Sirius Black isn't in their way anymore, so they can be together."

"Sirius," said Remus, astonished, but Sirius ignored him.

"Did you teach him how you like to be fucked, Emma? Did you like it when he licked your cunt?" he said viciously, rising from his seat and walking slowly toward her.

"Sirius, I-" began Emmeline.

"Shut up," he snapped. "Shut up! After all I've been through, rotting away in Azkaban trying desperately to cling onto my memories of you-"

He was advancing on her now, his finger jabbed out at her chest. There was none of the familiar Sirius there. Emmeline was backing up to the wall. Remus was watching, horror-struck.

"And all I could think about when I got out was getting back to you. Little did I know you were shagging my best friend-"

"Sirius, you were gone! Remus was all I had left!" she said.

At this, Sirius flew into a rage, grabbing Emmeline's shoulders and forcing her against the wall, lifting her several inches above the ground.

"All you had left?! All YOU had left?! I SAT IN AZKABAN WITH MY SOUL SLOWLY LEAKING OUT OF MY BODY! Don't you EVER talk to me about having NOTHING LEFT!" Sirius shouted.

His eyes gleamed with the soulless quality that haunted them since Azkaban. This was not Sirius Black. This was the demented convict that she saw screaming in wanted posters. This was the broken man.

"Sirius, you're hurting me!" said Emmeline.

He was enraged, out of his mind. At that moment, Sirius took his right hand and wrapped it around her neck. In a panic, she began to claw at his hand, choking for breath-

"Let. Her. Go." growled Remus dangerously through gritted teeth, his wand now drawn and leveled directly at Sirius's head.

Sirius's eyes were vicious, but a slow spark of recognition lit at the back of them. Emmeline was gasping for breath. She saw his widen as he looked from his hand to her face, suddenly losing the deranged gleam in his eyes, and his expression shifting from malice to horror. He pulled away from her like he'd been burned. He turned and fled from the room.

Emmeline immediately turned to Remus, whose wand was still pointing to the place where Sirius had just stood. She began to massage her throat, and Remus's arm lowered. Emma was panting heavily, completely overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next. Fourteen years habit made her want to fly into Remus's arms and sob on his shoulder. Now, with Sirius back in the mix, she didn't know what to do.

"Are you all right?" said Remus, straightening his robes and trying to appear calm, though she could see fiery emotions lurking underneath the composed exterior.

Emmeline dropped her hand from her throat and nodded. She could feel tears pricking the corners of her eyes and fought to keep them from escaping. She truly didn't want Remus to know how upset she was. She wanted everything to be normal. She wanted Sirius to be a man who wasn't haunted by demons that could turn him into a deranged madman at the slightest provocation. She wanted there to be no haunting threat of You-Know-Who lingering over every word they spoke. She wanted for Remus to be James's best friend and for her to be Lily's and-

"Oh, Emma," said Remus, seeing through her facade in an instant. He took two strides to her and wrapped her in his arms, and the floodgates burst open. She began to sob violently against his shoulder, trembling from head to foot.

She wanted to sob into _Sirius's_ shoulder, yet Sirius was the man who might strangle her in a temporary moment of insanity.

As her sobs reduced to shuddering gasps, Emmeline wiped her eyes against Remus's shirt. She pulled away and took a deep breath, her eyes straying at the staircase that Sirius had clambered up moments earlier.

"What are you going to do?" Remus asked harshly.

"What do you mean?" she said.

"Are you gonna go up there to him? After he tried to kill you?" snapped Remus, amber eyes blazing.

"I . . . I don't know . . ."

He stepped away from her, grasping at his hair in frustration and staring at the wall as though he couldn't even bear to look at her.

"Merlin, Emma," he said in a strangled voice as his fingers rubbed his lined forehead.

He turned back to her, the composure that was ever-present falling away as his eyes glittered. Her heart hammered in her chest.

"Do you _love_ that man?" he asked wildly.

Her breaths were heaving. Remus looked as though he might be moments from breaking. Could she do this to him? Could she break him?

"Dammit, Emma, answer me!" he shouted, flinging his arms in the air in desperation.

"I . . ." she stammered miserably. "Yes, Remus. Yes, I love him."

Remus looked shattered. Emma's tears were falling freely now.

"Remus-"

"No," he said, his voice shaking with rage and sadness. "Go on. Go to him."

"Remus!"

"I'll let myself out," he snapped, grabbing his traveling cloak and disappearing.

Emmeline stumbled into the sitting room and collapsed onto the couch sobbing. It wasn't supposed to be this difficult! Sirius was back. She was supposed to fall into his arms and marry him and be with him forever! He wasn't supposed to be a broken man. Remus wasn't supposed to be in love with her. She wasn't supposed to be crying alone at Sirius's childhood home.

She heard Sirius's shuffling feet. When she opened her eyes, she saw Sirius's face in front of hers, his eyes red and watery. He had been crying, too.

"Merlin, Emma," he said, his fingers touching her throat. The look on his face stated plainly that there were bruises. "I should be committed for this. I should be back in Azkaban."

She said nothing.

"I'm dangerous. I'm a danger to you, I'm a danger to everyone," he continued. "Go back to Remus. Please. He can take care of you. If there's anyone in this world I'd want you to be with besides me, it's him."

His eyes were shining with tears at his last words.

"I'm sorry I came between you two," he said, eyes downcast. "I didn't mean-"

"Stop it," she snapped. "Just stop that. Yes, I slept with Remus, but you were _gone_. You were gone, and rather than go out seeking some stranger to keep me sane, I slept with Remus, okay?"

Sirius was staring at her as though she'd struck him.

"I wasn't _with_ him. I don't love him. I love you," she said, and she trailed off when she realized the admission she'd made.

Sirius's fingers caressed the bruises on her neck.

"I'm bad for you," he whispered.

She smiled and removed his hand from her throat.

"I think you said the same thing when we dated at Hogwarts," she replied.

Sirius gave a watery chuckle.

"Back then it was the pranks and the trouble-making. And the fact that I'd already slept with about sixteen of the girls at the school. It's different now," he said, his expression shadowed. "I could have killed you."

Emmeline gave a haughty laugh.

"Do you really think I'm incapable of defending myself?" she said with a superior smirk.

He attempted a smile and brought her hand to his lips, kissing it gently. He maneuvered so that he was sitting next to her on the couch, and she snuggled against him. She could feel that every muscle in his body was tense, as if he was terrified of losing control again. She sighed and felt her eyes beginning to fall closed.

"I should go," she said quietly, before sleep claimed her.

She disentangled herself from him and stood. His grey eyes were unfocused and fixed on a point somewhere in the corner of the room. She bent down to kiss his cheek before walking out the door. On the stoop of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, she Apparated back to her flat.

Opening the door to her small apartment, she saw Remus stretched out on the couch. Though she found herself surprised that he was there, she knew she shouldn't be. Where else would he go?

"I know you're awake," she said aloud, hanging her coat on the hook.

"How?" he mumbled.

"No snoring," she said.

He sat up on the couch, dark circles beneath his eyes and his jaw unshaven. He rubbed his prematurely-lined face with tired fingers. Emmeline sat next to him, and neither spoke for a long moment.

"I'm sorry, Remus," she said honestly.

Remus said nothing.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way, you know. James and Lily should be alive, Sirius and I should be married, and you should still be shagging Elizabeth Pilkington rotten," said Emma.

Remus gave her a long-suffering look, though she saw the edges of his mouth twitch. She wrapped an arm around him and he rested his head against hers.

"I guess fate had other plans," she sighed.

"You're meant to be with him," said Remus. "I know that. I've always known that. I don't know why it seemed like such a . . . such a punch in the gut when you said you loved him. I've always known it to be true."

Remus stopped speaking, but Emmeline felt that he had more to say.

"Remember when you asked me if I loved Lily?" he said, and she murmured an affirmative. "I did. I loved her back when she _hated_ James. I thought I had a chance, too. And . . . I think somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, I thought I had a chance with you, too."

Emmeline gave him a wan smile.

"Remus, you are the best man I have ever known," she said truthfully. "You're kind and gentle and honest and loving."

Remus hadn't even looked at her.

"And handsome," she added. "And good in bed."

At that, Remus blushed, and she elbowed him playfully.

"You'll find someone," she said warmly, a surprising image of the pink-haired young witch from the Order meeting popping into her head.

The sat in silence for a moment.

"If I had asked you to marry me, years ago, would you have said yes?" asked Remus, his amber eyes boring into her green ones.

She tilted her head, considering the question. What would she have said? She'd never even given it any thought. Back when she thought Sirius a traitor and imprisoned for life, would she have married Remus?

"I might have, Remus," answered Emmeline, standing from the couch and patting his shoulder. "I might have."

Emmeline peeled off her clothes and crawled into bed, tired, confused, and aching all over. What she wouldn't give for a massage. It was late, well past midnight, and she felt her eyes falling shut as she drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Emmeline spent the rest of the week working. While she had lost three clients, she had a handful of others to maintain, and the uncertain state of the Wizarding world meant she had a lot of money-moving to do in order to ensure that her clients' assets didn't dwindle in the event of a market crash. Most of the money was moved into Muggle investments. She was waiting for word to break that Voldemort had returned. The entire financial system would fall apart: Wizards would be withdrawing all of their galleons from Gringott's, and the market would bottom quickly.

The crash didn't come. There was no reporting whatsoever of Voldemort's return, which she found decidedly odd. A Patronus arrived that weekend using coded words to relay the message that the Order would be meeting that night. She took a deep breath, knowing she would be facing Sirius again, Sirius and Remus both in the same room actually, but it was necessary. They needed to figure out how to be a trio, and she would keep them locked in Number 12 Grimmauld Place all night if she had to.

The foreboding mansion was already filling with Order members when she arrived. The air was filled with riotous cursing.

"FILTHY BLOOD TRAITORS! DISGRACE TO MY HOUSE! ABOMINATIONS!" cried a portrait on the wall.

"Mrs. Black?" said Emmeline.

The portrait paused, sneering at her down her long, straight nose.

"Emmeline Vance?" asked the portrait of Mrs. Black.

Emmeline nodded, and the portrait burst into curses anew, calling her all sorts of names, including a few that Emmeline was sure that sailors wouldn't dare utter. She spotted Sirius down the hall and gave him a small smile, and he returned it reluctantly. Remus hadn't arrived yet. She made a beeline for Sirius's side and guided him by the elbow into the kitchen.

"What?" he whispered.

"Brought something for you," she replied deviously

With a wave of her wand, a bottle of firewhiskey appeared from out of her bag. Sirius's eyes bulged and and a huge, conspiratorial grin split his face in two. She poured them each a shot. With eyes dancing merrily, he clinked his small glass to hers and downed it.

He coughed royally, sparks of flame shooting from his mouth as he gasped, but when he recovered, his smile was a mile wide.

"Thanks," he said.

"Come on, let's join the meeting," she said, nudging him forward.

Remus was seating at the table when the pair walked in. He gave her a resolute smile, and she slid into the chair across from him, Sirius taking a place at her side. The meeting was mostly sharing information and asking questions, trying to determine why the Ministry was so determined to deny Voldemort's return. No real change in plans. Emmeline would be with Remus the following night, who would be locked away for the full moon, and then she would take over guard duty at the Ministry of Magic.

After the meeting was over, Emma saw Sirius speak briefly to his young cousin, who grinned at him and nodded. Nearly everyone else left, but the witch (whose hair was orange) remained behind.

"Thought we could enjoy some of that Firewhiskey," said Sirius.

Remus made to stand, but Sirius clasped a hand on his shoulder and pushed him down into his seat.

"Stay, mate," he said. There was apology in his tone. Remus nodded.

"Come on, Emma," he said. "Let's go pour."

She followed him into the kitchen, leaving Tonks and Remus sitting at the table. Emmeline gave Sirius a curious gaze.

"Wasn't sure if we were ready for it to be just the three of us," he admitted, and then looked to make sure no one else was in the room. "And Nymphadora couldn't take her eyes off him. Did you notice?"

Emmeline smiled. She had noticed, and while some small spark of jealousy remained in the back of her mind, she couldn't help but hope Remus might find something he enjoyed in the young witch. They poured four Firewhiskeys and headed back to the table, where Remus was smiling reticently while Tonks told a story, exuberant hands flying and knocking a whiskey out of Emmeline's hand. Remus's quick wandwork caught the glass and whiskey in midair before a drop could be spilled. He guided the glass to place in front of Tonks, and once they all had a glass, Sirius held his up in toast.

"To old friendships," he said to the group, and then nodding to Remus and Tonks, he added, "and new."

They all murmured agreement and the clinking of their glasses filled the air before they each downed them in painful gulps. Fire shot out from Tonks's nose, and Remus's eyes were watering.

"Might have to switch to bourbon," choked Emmeline.

"Nonsense!" insisted Sirius through coughs.

A few drinks later, they were all laughing raucously, having pulled out the Exploding Snap set and suffered more than a few singed eyebrows. Remus was currently pointing his wand haphazardly at the piece of orange hair that was still on fire on Tonks's head.

"So, Nymphadora," began Sirius.

Tonks's hair turned crimson and her face set in a scowl.

"Sorry, sorry," said Sirius, taking a sip and shaking his head at the burn. "Tonks. Do you have a boyfriend?"

Her hair returned to its orange hue. She cast a surreptitious glance at Remus, who was completely oblivious to the woman's interest in him.

"I did," she said with a shrug. "Big lad. Good-looking. Royal git. Ended up asking me to metamorph into the girl at the market he was hitting on. Said it would spice up the relationship."

"Sounds like a prick," dismissed Sirius.

"Metamorph?" asked Emmeline.

"Ya, I'm a Metamorphmagus," explained Tonks, and without further warning, she shifted her features so that they fair resembled Emmeline's.

Remus did a double-take. Emmeline was impressed. Sirius was scrutinizing Tonks's appearance.

"Nose is too small," he corrected. "Hair's a bit too dark."

"Eyes aren't green enough," added Remus, though he flushed when Sirius and Emmeline turned to look at him.

Tonks hadn't given his input much thought, however. She was busy fixing her appearance, and soon, she had imitated Emma's appearance precisely. Sirius looked a bit puffed up with pride at his cousin's abilities, though he had little to do with them.

"Impressive," said Emmeline, toasting the carbon copy of herself.

Hours crept by, and soon Remus was stretching and standing from his seat. He was always a bit tired on the night before the full moon; Emmeline was surprised he'd made it this long.

"I'm heading back to the flat, Emma," said Remus as he stood. "I'll see you at home."

Emmeline nodded. Tonks was glancing between the two of them, looking a bit confused and surprised.

"Oh, are you two together?"

"No!" said Remus, Emmeline, and Sirius all at the same time. They exchanged a glance, embarrassed smiles spreading on all three faces. Emmeline turned to Tonks.

"We've just been roommates for a while," she explained.

"Ah," said Tonks, who looked placated, though perhaps a bit uncomfortable with the arrangement. "I should go, too."

"Remus, maybe you should make sure Tonks gets home all right?" asked Emmeline.

Tonks's eyes lit up. Remus blustered uncomfortably, but Sirius ignored him.

"Yes, please, Remus," said Sirius, pushing them both toward the door. "I'd take my darling cousin home myself, but I'm sure Dumbledore wouldn't appreciate me leaving Headquarters."

Remus looked at Emmeline with an exasperated expression, but she merely pushed him along behind Tonks, who had begun to chat with him about her job as a Junior Auror. Remus followed hesitantly, but they soon disappeared from the property together, leaving Sirius and Emma alone. She stared at him; his entire countenance had changed as soon as Tonks and Remus had stepped out the door. His eyes were nervous, a shadow of pain shining in them. She began to move toward him.

"Maybe you should go too," he said nervously, stepping away from her.

She furrowed her brow, feeling stung by the rejection.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked.

Sirius gazed off into the distance and waited a long time before responding.

"I scare you," said Sirius.

She looked at him. He was decidedly avoiding her gaze.

"Sometimes, yes," she answered quietly.

He closed his eyes and a pained look cross his face.

"There are parts in me that are broken, Emma," he said hoarsely. "Parts that might never be fixed. I thought when I left Azkaban, when I got away from the Dementors. . . I thought I'd be right as soon as I was away. But I'm not. There's a . . . a crack in my soul."

Emmeline stared at him. There is a healing in making love; that much she knew from a decade of Remus's transformations at the full moon. Sometimes, when a man thinks he is losing himself, the feel of a woman can bring him back. This Emmeline knew, and she approached him. His eyes were still closed, the pained expression still lingering on his face, as she slid her hands around his back and under his shirt to feel the bare skin beneath. His brow furrowed as though he wasn't sure how to react to her touch.

She pressed her lips to his unshaven neck, and her hands slipped his shirt over his head, leaving him barechested. He was tense, twitching like a flystung horse. Her hands smoothed over his skin, feeling sparse dark hair on his chest and then traveling lower to find the trail of hair leading into his trousers. She grinned wickedly when she saw his eyes had opened and were gazing at her wandering hands in undisguised lust. She began to unbuckle his belt, lifting her lips to his.

"I love you," she whispered against his face.

"I love you," he groaned, his body now responding to her touch without its owners permission. His hands sought her curves, tracing her hips and reaching around to grasp her arse firmly.

His trousers dropped to the floor and he stepped out of them automatically. Without warning, he lifted her up, wrapping her legs around his hips, and carried her up the stairs. She fastened her arms around his neck and laughed when he wobbled slightly at the top step. Once he'd got his balance, she kissed him on the mouth as he continued his journey toward his bedroom, kicking the door open and depositing her on the bed.

He began working on her clothes, worshiping each new exposed inch of her body reverently as he slowly peeled off her jeans and shirt. She lifted her back from the bed so he could unfasten her bra, but his fumbling fingers couldn't undo the clasp. Emmeline sat up and released the clasp, pulling the garment off her arms. His expression was transcendent. For though this was not the first time they'd been together since he'd returned from Azkaban, it was the first time he'd truly been allowed to explore her body unhurried and re-memorize all its curves and valleys. Her hips had grown a few inches since the last time he'd inspected her, and her breasts, though fuller, had also migrated an inch or two toward her navel. She found herself blushing before his awed gaze, moving to cover herself with her arms.

He would have none of that. He batted her arm away and attacked her breasts with his mouth, his whole body shuddering against her. After massaging and kissing both the right and the left, his mouth descended further. When she felt his hot breath against her center, even through her panties, she cried out.

"I feel like it was yesterday that I last did this to you," he said in a husky voice as he pulled her panties down her legs.

When his tongue instantly found her clitoris and stroked it in precisely the way she adored most, she couldn't help but think that though it had been fourteen years, he hadn't forgotten the technique. It _did_ seem like only yesterday. Her voice was letting out tiny moans and gasps. When she felt his tongue slide down to her entrance, she whined at the distraction, wanting nothing more than his mouth on her clit again, but he continued to tease her, licking her folds gently until he finally returned to the sensitive bud. He sucked and licked with ferocity. She gripped the sheets tightly, bucking her hips against his mouth and at last, she cried out his name as orgasm crashed over her.

"Oh, stop, stop, stop!" she whined, pushing his head away. "Too much, it's too much!"

He came up grinning like a Cheshire cat, clearly quite pleased with himself. He climbed so that he was on top of her, his lips meeting hers in a searing kiss, and she could still taste remnants of herself on his tongue. She threaded her fingers in his black hair, pulling his face close and wrapping her legs around his hips. He thrust against her and she gasped at the feel of his erection rubbing against her wet core. He kissed her lips, her jaw, her hair, her neck. She was aching for more as she pressed her lower body against him, begging for him to satisfy her need.

With one trembling hand descending between them, he guided his shaft into her. She bit her lip as he slowly, so slowly, pushed into her. He let out a strangled cry when he was finally buried inside her. Sirius stayed frozen for a moment, his cock twitching in anticipation as he fought to maintain control over his body's impulses. Impatient, she grabbed his buttocks and forced him to thrust, eliciting a rumbling groan from his throat. He slid in and out of her rhythmically as she kissed him, rocking her hips against him.

Though she loved being face to face with him, seeing his eyes close in ecstasy and feeling the press of his lips against hers, his erection was missing the sensitive place just inside of her. She pushed him off, leaving him momentarily confused and stricken, but when she got on her hands and knees and beckoned him toward her, he nearly howled in anticipation. She felt his calloused hands grab her hips, running his fingertips up and down her bare back, and when he entered her, she gasped as the head of his cock brushed against her inner walls. His fingers were digging into her hips as he pulled her back onto his shaft again and again

Her back was arched and her breath heaving as she felt the beginnings of a familiar buildup to climax. Some vague part of her brain suddenly began comparing the experience to Remus. Though she tried to brush the thoughts away, she couldn't help but notice that, for all Sirius was an excellent lover, something about the angle of his shaft did not hit her in the right place. She couldn't help but think that if she were making love to Remus, she would have got off by now.

Shaking her head to clear out the thoughts, she shifted again, moving so that she was lying on her stomach with Sirius atop her. Her eyes closed and she let out an involuntary moan as he finally found the perfect angle within her. He rocked his hips forcefully against her, and her moans spiraled into wails of pleasure, and soon, she felt her inner muscles clamping down on his shaft, shuddering and crying out at her orgasm's peak. He spent himself inside of her moments later, thrusting slowly twice more before rolling off of her and lying prone on the bed, gasping.

Tentatively, she rolled over and snuggled against him, pressing her lips gently onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

"Do you think we'll ever be the way we were?" asked Sirius in a husky, sated voice.

Emmeline stretched languorously before relaxing against him again.

"I don't know," she said. "A lot has changed, Sirius."

He nodded against her.

"But I want to try," she added.

She could feel his lips curve into a smile against her hair.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she said, and she felt her eyes falling closed as sleep claimed her.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

When Emmeline awoke the next morning, she could feel the familiar and unique hangover that always followed a night of firewhiskey. Though her head's ache was only minimal, her mouth tasted as though she had a large clump of ash in it, cottony, dry, and smokey in taste. She peeked open her eyes and saw Sirius resting on one elbow, a half smirk ghosting his features as he watched her.

"Feeling all right?" he asked.

She threw her pillow at him, but instantly regretted it, for she no longer had a soft place to rest her aching head.

He brought his wand up and aimed it at her head, and she involuntarily tensed. His grey eyes met hers, guilty and concerned.

"I'm just casting the hangover cure," he whispered, his expression troubled.

She nodded, embarrassed at her reaction, but unable to help it. The vision of Sirius with wild eyes and a wand drawn was too real and too recent. He murmured a spell, and her head cleared. Though she still had an awful taste in her mouth, she felt much better. She realized she was very much nude under the covers and blushed a bit, grinning at Sirius. His troubled expression shifted into more of a trouble-making one, and she rolled her eyes, standing from the bed and picking up her clothes off the floor as she dressed herself.

"I'd better go," she said, taking his hand gently. "Tonight's full moon and Remus gets anxious."

Sirius nodded, understanding, and Emmeline left the room. The echo of her footsteps on the stairs rang through the room. She heard a bit of grumbling protest from Mrs. Black behind the curtain, but she sneaked out the front door before any curses could be lobbed her way. As she stood outside Number 12 Grimmauld Place, she contemplated Apparating, but decided to walk. Her flat wasn't so far anyway.

As she passed rows of neatly manicured lawns and shrubs, she thought of Sirius. How could she even define her feelings for him? She loved him, that much was certainly true. But it wasn't the same kind of love she'd had for him when she was twenty. Then, they'd been passionate, fiery. But too much had changed, for both of them. The shadow of his years in Azkaban clung to them like a cold mist, preventing their relationship from sparking to life. And Remus.

There was always Remus. She loved him too, a bit, and she didn't know how to reconcile the Emmeline who was Remus's roommate with the Emmeline who was dating Sirius Black. Somehow, it seemed as though she was living two lives at once. A real life, in which she went to work and did laundry and drank wine with Remus, and a dream life, in which she went to Order meetings and woke up naked in bed with Sirius.

When she walked in the door to her flat, Remus was sleepy-eyed on the couch. She shook herself from her thoughts enough to give him a mischievous smile.

"So?"

"So what?" he asked stubbornly.

"So, you walked a lovely young woman home last night who _clearly_ likes you," she prodded.

"Oh, that," he said. "I just dropped her at her doorstep and came here."

Emmeline narrowed her eyes at Remus. She didn't know how to reconcile him either. There was the Remus that lived on her couch and laughed with her and spent full moons in her closet. And there was the Remus that walked Nymphadora Tonks home from an Order meeting. She was willing to share that Remus. The first Remus, however? She wanted that one all to herself. Her feelings of possessiveness battled with her desire to be a matchmaker. Two lives, a Remus life and a Sirius life. Two Emmelines.

"It's not as though anything would ever come of it," Remus added.

"Why not?"

"I'm a _werewolf_, Emma," he spat.

"She clearly doesn't mind," observed Emmeline.

Remus furrowed his brow , scowling at her before standing and heading into the kitchen to make breakfast. Emmeline leaned against the counter and watched him pull out bacon and eggs from the drawer that was charmed to stay cold. He began cooking methodically, frying the bacon until it was crisp, just like she liked it. She was back in her old life, her real life.

"Suppose you had a good night," he grumbled as he cracked eggs into a pan, reminding her very vividly that somehow, she was going to have to learn to reconcile the new and the old.

Emmeline just smiled and walked over to him, giving him a quick squeeze on his shoulder and a peck on the cheek. She snatched a piece of bacon and took a bite with a loud crunch before sitting at the table with the morning's paper.

After work that day, she returned to find Remus, achy on the couch. She prepped his potion and brought it to him.

"Bottoms up," she said brightly.

He groaned, but downed the potion anyway.

"Tonks said she'd volunteered to stay with you," said Emmeline as she took the empty vial from him and went to rinse it.

"She did."

"Why didn't you take her up on it?" she asked.

"She's not you," said Remus.

Emma paused from her busywork and looked at him. He was a bit flushed, though whether it was from an embarrassing admission or just the impeding transformation, she wasn't certain. His amber eyes met hers but glanced away quickly.

"You know me best, Emma. You've seen this more times than anyone. You know what I'm like, what I need, what to do," he said. "I just . . . I'd rather have you."

Emma nodded. The sun was beginning to fall below the horizon, so she took his hand and guided him to the closet. He gave her a tired smile, and she leaned in to peck his check before locking the door behind him.

She was up absurdly early the next morning, long before the sun had risen, so she sat outside the closet with a book and a lit wand. She heard the snuffling sounds of werewolf Remus on the other side of the door, and the sound was oddly comforting. She'd heard it so many times before. How many transformations had she seen him through? Nearly all of them since Sirius's imprisonment. Once a month for fourteen years now . . . more than 144 but less than 200 . . .

A loud howl interrupted her mental calculations. She put her book down and waited patiently. The wolf's howl turned into a strangled groan of agony as Remus became himself again. She listened carefully. She heard a couple of coughs and a miserable sounding sob, but his breathing returned to normal and she heard a thump as he slumped against the wall. Emmeline pulled the key from her pocket, turned the lock, and opened the door.

Remus was squinting in the early morning light. She held her hand out to him and helped him to his feet. He wouldn't meet her gaze. Emmeline wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest as he was too tall for her to reach his shoulder, and waited for him to return her hug. He did, slowly and reluctantly, and when he sighed against her, she pulled away and smiled before heading into the kitchen to make tea.

The next few weeks passed uneventfully. Emmeline and Remus traded watches at the Department of Mysteries while the rest of the Order guarded Harry. There were semi-regular meetings at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, and after each of them, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, and Emma would stay and drink and talk until late into the night. Then, Emmeline would stay with Sirius and Remus would walk Tonks home. Remus was just beginning to open up to the vibrant young Auror. Emmeline caught him exchanging small smiles with her now and then, as though there was a joke that only the two of them were privy to. It gave Emmeline an unwelcome twinge of jealousy to see, as for the past fourteen years, _she_ had been the one sharing private jokes with Remus.

But she had Sirius now. And though there was always a shadow of pain, of catatonia, across his features, he hadn't exploded in madness since his outburst at the beginning of the summer.

Halfway through the summer, the Weasleys came to Grimmauld Place. The house became full and lively, leaving the new foursome of friends with less time together and much less privacy. She tried to find stolen moments with Sirius, but after an extremely flustered Molly Weasley had walked in on them in the spare storage room in a particularly compromising position, she had mostly given up on finding time alone until the children all went back to Hogwarts and the Weasley matriarch returned to the Burrow. Though she desperately missed the time alone with Sirius, Emmeline was pleased to see that the bustling activity brought Sirius into good spirits. The Weasley twins in particular seemed to amuse him, and she found herself rolling her eyes any time Sirius attempted to join in the twins' fun.

She was at Grimmauld Place, pretending to be on Order business but really just wanting to see Sirius again, when Hedwig flew threw the window with letters. She dropped one in Sirius's lap before flying away with a hoot to deliver the other two, presumably to Ron and Hermione. Sirius opened it, and as his eyes scanned the parchment, they went wide and terrified, his hands shaking as he rushed to pen a reply.

Harry had been attacked.

The Order flew into action, owls soaring in and out constantly, and a team was assembled to retrieve Harry from Grimmauld Place.

"I want to go," said Sirius firmly at the next meeting.

"Absolutely not," Remus said, echoing what everyone else at the table was thinking.

"Harry needs me!"

"The team will bring him to you," said Remus calmly.

"But he needs ME!" said Sirius, standing forcefully from the table.

Emma looked at Sirius. His grey eyes were bitter, angry. The _other_ Sirius was lurking behind them, the Azkaban Sirius would might fly off the handle and attack someone. She didn't want that Sirius to make an appearance in front of the entire Order. It wouldn't do for everyone realize how unstable Sirius remained.

"I'll go," said Emmeline quickly. "I'll go, Sirius. I'll make sure he's all right."

This seemed to placate Sirius a bit.

"I'll go, too," said Remus.

"Me, too," piped in Tonks from a seat near the doorway.

Sirius, though still looking a bit grumpy, allowed the meeting to proceed. Emmeline began trembling nervously. She was going to meet _Harry._ Lily's Harry. She didn't know what she would say to him. Would she introduce herself? Would she explain who she was? Would she tell Harry about the night he was born?

As it turned out, the answer to all of those questions was, "No." Emmeline clammed up on the night they picked up Harry from his aunt and uncle's home. She barely even spoke two words to him, particularly once the young and affable Nymphadora Tonks began to chat with Harry, charming as she was. Emmeline relegated herself to a lesser position, ignoring Remus's pointed looks. She knew he was waiting for her to talk to Harry. She just couldn't find the words.

After ensuring Harry was safely at Number 12 Grimmauld Place and sitting through the ensuing screaming match between Sirius and Molly, Remus and Emmeline both headed back to her flat. He had never bothered to find a job – working for the Order was enough for now, so they were still roommates. It was always comforting to have her best friend at home with her.

"Do you reckon Sirius is right?" asked Emmeline, cracking two beers and handing one to Remus. "How much should Harry know?"

"I think what he learned tonight was plenty," said Remus.

"Yes, but you've seen the kind of trouble he gets into. You know that a vague piece of information like this is going to drive him crazy. He could get into even worse trouble from not knowing," Emmeline argued.

Remus frowned a bit, considering the point and formulating his response, cautious with his words as always.

"I think Molly treats Harry like he's her own son," said Remus. "And she has every right to. She's one of the best mothers I've ever known, and she's taken good care of him in Sirius's absence."

"But?"

"But she didn't know James. She didn't know Lily. Sirius probably has a better idea of how they'd like Harry to be raised than she does," he continued.

Emmeline felt a pang of heartbreak shoot through her. Harry looked _so_ like James. Lily would have been furious to see it; she had always hoped her children would favor her. And James would, without a doubt, side with Sirius on this matter. She could almost hear his voice in her head.

_Better that he know what he's facing._

But Dumbledore had been quite firm on the matter, and with a matriarch like Molly Weasley minding the den, it was unlikely that Harry would learn more. And she knew Dumbledore had his reasons, even though he chose not to share the entirety of them with his colleagues. She knew Sirius wouldn't disobey Dumbledore directly, even if he did take his chances by bending a few of the rules.

The whole situation felt wrong, felt rotten. Harry was facing a trial at the Ministry of Magic, someone was sending Dementors after him, Voldemort was back, and the entire Wizarding world was pretending he didn't exist. She felt terrible.

"Want to get really drunk?" she asked Remus hopefully.

"Please," he said with a grin, clinking his bottle against hers.

They laughed and chatted, opening beer after beer until they couldn't quite remember how many they'd had. For a while, Emmeline nearly forgot everything that was going on around them. At that moment, she was transported back to four years earlier, when Voldemort was dead and Sirius was out of sight and mind in Azkaban and it was just Emma and Remus sharing a case of beer and getting drunker than they should on a weeknight.

"Do you think they'd be pleased with how Harry turned out?" asked Emmeline.

"How could they not be?" replied Remus with a crooked smile. "He's headstrong and stubborn and brave and loyal to his friends. And the youngest Seeker to play at Hogwarts for a century."

"You're listing all the things James would be pleased about," she pointed out. "What about Lily?"

Remus cocked his head to one side, considering the question. His grip was lazy on the bottle of beer in his hand as he stared into the distance, some long forgotten memory in his mind.

"You knew her best," said Remus, slurring just a bit. "What do you think?"

Emmeline paused, allowing an image of Lily's sparkling green eyes and laughing face to wash over her memories. It wasn't often that she let herself think of her old friend. Those thoughts dredged up too many painful ones. But just for a moment, she pictured Lily standing in the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, watching Sirius and James argue with Molly Weasley over how much Harry should know about Voldemort's plans. Lily, gazing at Harry's best friends and glad to see her son had the same relationships his father had . . .

"I think she'd want Harry to date Hermione," said Emmeline at last.

"Hermione?!" laughed Remus. "I don't think they're dating. At all."

"Yes, but Lily would want them to. A smart Muggleborn? Just like Lily," she said.

"What about Ginny Weasley? A fiery red-head? That's more like Lily, I think," offered Remus.

Emmeline laughed.

"I suppose that might work," she conceded.

Her mind felt pleasantly fuzzy as she sipped her fourth (or was it fifth?) beer. She leaned against Remus, letting him put an arm around her shoulder.

"I've missed you, Emma," he said, resting his head against hers.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, with us trading shifts at the Ministry, I've barely seen you at all. And whenever we're together, you're always with-"

He stopped abruptly, as though he realized the alcohol was loosening his tongue a bit too much. She let a smile creep across her lips as she snuggled against him, knowing full well that Sirius would not likely approve of their cosy cuddle on the sofa, nor, she thought, would Tonks.

"So what's going on with Tonks by the way?" pestered Emmeline, still comfortable resting against him.

She could feel the vibrations of Remus's soft chuckle through his chest. She pulled away so she could see his face, which was smiling with a self-deprecating humor.

"She's so young," said Remus, formulating his words carefully. "She has no idea what she's getting herself into. She just sees a novelty. A werewolf. Like it's something new and interesting. She has no idea what it's really like."

"I think she really likes you," said Emma.

"I think she likes the _idea_ of me," responded Remus. "The reality is much more . . . feral."

"Kind of sexy," she said, waggling her eyebrows at him.

He flushed and rolled his eyes at her, absently mussing her dark hair. Emmeline gazed into his eyes. They were a beautiful amber color, warm and kind. Despite the horrors this man had been through in his life, there was no shadow in them. There was no dangerous presence lurking behind the placid exterior; it was just Remus. Loving, gentle Remus. Sitting on the couch with him, drinking beer, relaxing in his arms, it felt so much like their old times together. Remus was her best friend, and had been her lover for more than a decade. She would never truly be rid of the feelings she had for him. Even with Sirius back in her life and a young, vibrant Auror trying to get into Remus's, it would always be there: the history, the miniscule chance that something could happen between them.

She realized that perhaps she should go to bed before something did.

"I'm off to sleep," said Emmeline, standing from the sofa and smiling warmly at Remus.

"Night, Emma," he said with a smile.

"Night," she replied.


	13. Chapter 13

A short one, I know!

Chapter 13

After Harry's trial at the Ministry, Emmeline stayed away from Number 12 Grimmauld Place, wanting to give Sirius plenty of time with his godson. She was still at a total loss for how to introduce herself to Harry. Sirius pestered her frequently to come over and meet him properly, and Remus continued to give her those knowing, prodding looks (which were actually more persuasive than Sirius's pleas even though Remus never uttered a word). She still couldn't do it. She didn't like emotion, she didn't like feelings that spiraled out of her control. She knew that meeting Harry would bring a flood of long-repressed memories to the forefront, and she didn't think she could handle it.

She was being selfish, and she knew it.

But the last vestiges of summer slipped away before anyone could convince her to change her mind, and soon, Grimmauld Place was empty again, leaving Sirius grumpy and forlorn. The bustle of activity had kept his mind busy, she supposed, and now that the slew of houseguests was gone, he was alone with this thoughts once more. She knew the loneliness might be dangerous for Sirius, and now that Harry was safe at Hogwarts and the rest of the Order was trading off duty at the Department of Mysteries, Emmeline made it a point to spend more time at Grimmauld Place with him.

"Sirius!" she called through the hallways of Grimmauld Place. "Are you here?"

"OF COURSE HE'S HERE, MY ILL-BEGOTTEN SON, WHERE ELSE WOULD HE BE? FILTH! SCUM!" shouted the portrait of Walburga Black.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Black!" said Emmeline cheerfully.

"You! Blood traitor! Shame of your house! Half-breed lover!" shrieked the portrait.

Emmeline shook her head and stunned Mrs. Black, stowing her wand and covering the portrait with the curtain. When she turned, she saw Sirius standing in the entryway, leaning against a doorframe.

"Oh, hello!" she offered.

Sirius said nothing. Emmeline bit her lip. His eyes were dark and vacant.

"Half-breed lover," he spat.

"Sirius. Honestly," she replied, though her voice was wavering a bit with nerves. "Are you really going to get upset at something your mother said?

Sirius glanced up at her with cold grey eyes, but she didn't back down. Her hand twitched at her side, aching to reach for her wand, but she was counting on him to pull himself out of the fog. The corners of his eyes were twitching, his jaw tight and tense. Her two lives were crashing together: the old life with just Remus, and the new one with Sirius. And the violent crash of the two lives was enough to send Sirius into madness. She knew he didn't want her to have two lives. He wanted the thirteen years of his imprisonment to mean nothing to her, to be erased from her memories. Unfortunately, it couldn't be so.

She watched him with a measured expression. His breathing evened out and he was able to look at her with his own eyes, though his face remained haunted.

"Hello," she said softly.

"Hello," he muttered, and without another word, he turned and disappeared in the kitchen.

Loving Sirius Black was not always easy.

When she walked into the kitchen, she saw Sirius standing by the sink, hands resting on the counter and head bent low in defeat.

"I'm sorry," he said painfully.

"Me too," she said automatically.

"What are you sorry for?" he demanded. "I'm the one who's fucked in the head. I'm the one who can't even hear it mentioned that you used to sleep with Remus without losing my mind."

He was trembling now, struggling to maintain control.

"Used to, right? Used to? Not anymore?" he said desperately.

"Of course not, Remus-"

Sirius's eyes snapped up to hers.

"Sirius. I meant Sirius," she fumbled.

He was glaring at her. Her slip of the tongue was not making the situation better. She watched him struggling internally, battling with jealousy in a way that she couldn't understand. It was like the Dementors had surrounded him again, stealing away his happy memories and replacing them with thoughts of her in bed with Remus. A small part of her felt she had betrayed Sirius, but the rational part of her (and the rational part of him) knew that no one had done anything wrong. She stifled the urge to apologize again. Instead, she sighed, and Sirius's expression changed to defeated. He dropped his face into his hands.

"Sometimes I just can't get it out of my head," he mumbled. "Sometimes it's like the Dementors are still here, right now, sucking away the happiness and leaving me with the misery. I don't know if it'll ever be gone."

"Someday it will," she said.

"Can you bear with me until then?" he asked, peeking through his fingers.

"Forever, Sirius," she said quietly. "I'll bear with you and your rotten moods and deranged outbursts for the rest of our lives if I have to."

She was smiling gently at him, and she watched a self-deprecating smile slip across his features. He straightened and gestured to her, opening his arms for her to fall inside them. The familiar strong breadth of his shoulders comforted her, reminding her of happier times. Her head fit snugly in the place between his shoulder and chin. She ran her hands across his body, finding his arms strong and his back muscular again, finally having shed the last of the gauntness from Azkaban. She felt his body twitching underneath her touch.

"I love you, Emma," he said.

She smiled and pressed closer to him.

"You know I used to be the only one to call you Emma," he remarked.

"I know," she murmured against his shoulder.

"Now Remus calls you Emma, too," he said.

"I know," she said.

He sighed in defeat and pulled back, looking at her with his sorrowful grey eyes. She lifted her chin a bit and leaned in, closing her eyes and waiting to feel the pressure of his soft, pliant lips against hers. He didn't disappoint. His kiss was gentle and cautious, almost Remus-like, although she scolded herself for the comparison. His arms wrapped tightly around her as he kissed her, becoming more enraptured in the kiss. He was drinking her in like a tonic that washed away the horrors of Azkaban, and she was pouring her soul, her love, out for him. His fingers soon found their way underneath the hem of her shirt, skimming her bare skin and making her smile against his lips, suppressing a giggle. His eyes were warm now, a devious smile playing across his lips. Without further warning, he lifted her bodily and carried toward the stairs to his bedroom.

"Let's really give my mother something to complain about," he said mischievously as they passed her portrait.

His lovemaking was tender. He slid in and out of her slowly, kissing every inch of exposed skin as she wrapped her ankles around his buttocks. He coaxed her to climax patiently as impassioned endearments spilled from his lips. After several rolling climaxes rocked her body, he spilled himself inside her at last, gasping out in pleasure and burying his face in the crook of her neck.

He rolled off her and pulled her close, pressing his lips against the side of her face as his heavy breathing subsided.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"For what?" she said sleepily. "That was brilliant."

She grinned at him, knowing perfectly well that wasn't what he was talking about. He opened his mouth to speak again, but she cut him off.

"Stop," she said, placing her fingers over his lips. "I know. And we'll figure it out, all right?"

He nodded and kissed her once again. She rolled onto her side and felt him press up against her, brushing her hair out of his face and wrapping an arm around her waist. As she listened to the sound of his breathing, she slowly fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Emmeline woke slowly in the morning, stretching and yawning before she made to climb out of the bed. Sirius's strong arm pulled her back, and she found herself grinning and snuggling against him, feeling his breath against the curve of her neck.

"I have to go to work," she said.

Sirius grunted his disagreement.

"I've got to get an acquisition started. I'm going to Glasglow. The Muggle part," she said.

Sirius didn't respond.

"Do you want to come with me?" she asked.

At this, Sirius paused, lifting his heavy head from the pillow and gazing at her curiously with sleep-swollen eyes. She grinned and raised an eyebrow conspiratorially.

"No one is looking for you in the Muggle part of Glasgow," she said deviously.

A slow grin stretched across his face as he considered the idea. He took a moment to kiss along her jawline until his mouth was buried in her neck.

"Okay," he said.

Emmeline giggled and clambered out of bed, hearing Sirius's low wolf whistle as she bent to pull her panties back on. She gave him a scandalous smirk and continued to get dressed, finding her wrinkled blouse and casting a quick spell to clean and press it before pulling it over her shirt. She knew inviting Sirius to Glasgow was dangerous, but the man was going mad inside this house, and she fully believed that Muggle Glasgow was the best place to risk it. Though her Glamour charm abilities were quite abysmal, she thought she could at least manage to lighten his hair. As Sirius stumbled around looking for his clothes, she cast the spell and watched with delight as his jet black hair turned an ashy surfer-blonde.

Sirius, sensing something different, reached for his hair and pulled a strand in front of his face.

"What's this?" he said, horrified.

"Glamour charm," offered Emmeline. "And I think you look extremely sexy."

"And with black hair I don't?" he sniffed.

Emmeline just rolled her eyes and continued getting dressed, transfiguring her jeans into slacks to save her a trip home. Once they were ready, Emmeline grasped Sirius's hand firmly.

"We'll Apparate to the outskirts and take a taxi," she explained.

"A taxi? Really?" said Sirius excitedly. "I've never been in one!"

She grinned. They stepped carefully onto the front step in front of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Sirius seemed on edge, excited yet nervous, as he took a long glance at the foreboding building he now called home. She prepared to take Sirius away from the safety of the headquarters and out into the world.

_Remus is going to kill me_, she thought.

With a loud crack, they disappeared and arrived at behind a large telephone booth. She pulled the blonde-haired Sirius along by his hand, glancing for a familiar black taxi and not seeing one. They walked along the road toward the city. Sirius's eyes were darting around, taking in the freedom of the open air and, she knew, watching for possible threats. They finally caught a taxi, and Sirius nervously climbed into it as Emmeline barked directions to the driver. They arrived at the firm with a few minutes to spare.

"You're my secretary, all right? You keep the paperwork and say, 'Yes, Ms. Vance' a lot," she whispered as they entered the glass doors.

Sirius stifled a grin and nodded, forcing a very subservient expression onto his face.

They entered the office of the firm her client was seeking to purchase, and a stout man with a large mustache greeted them and ushered them into his office, introducing himself as Mr. Pendergrast and bustling about speaking in a thick Scottish accent she almost couldn't understand.

"Yes, yes, I'm eager to get this acquisition done. Is this the client you've spoken about?" asked the man, peering at Sirius.

"No, no-"

"I'm Ms. Vance's secretary," said Sirius firmly, and Emmeline stifled a laugh.

The man gazed at Sirius a while longer, squinting at him.

"You know it's really strange, but you look so much like a man I saw on the news a few years ago . . ." he said.

"Oh?" said Emmeline nervously.

"Yes, a bit, but that man was clearly quite mad," he said, waving his hand. "And you aren't mad, are you?"

The man was smiling good-naturedly at Sirius, who was shaking his head vigorously as Emma fought the urge to shove her fist in her mouth to keep from laughing. She shook off the fit of giggles threatening to overtake her and met Mr. Pendergrast's gaze.

"My client is prepared to offer the terms listed here," she said, pushing a stack of Muggle printing paper toward him, which she had painstakingly typed out with an old typewriter a few days earlier.

The remainder of the meeting was highly uneventful, and she noticed Sirius growing bored in the chair next to her. It took a while to finish hammering out the details of the acquisition, but they found a mutually agreeable arrangement, and she left shaking Mr. Pendergrast's hand and knowing her client would be pleased. Sirius followed her obediently out the door, and she guided him to a restaurant across the street where they served margaritas and Mexican food.

"I'm not sure how authentic the cuisine is," she said, "but the drinks are great, and I figure tequila's the same most anywhere you go, right?"

Sirius grinned and nodded his agreement. They took a booth near the back of the restaurant, and she ordered a margarita while Sirius stuck with a tequila straight with salt and a lime.

It was wonderful. They were just a typical couple enjoying a drink at a restaurant. Ordering cilantro chicken tacos. Laughing at each other's jokes. Singing along when a familiar song played. The sheer normalcy was overwhelming, and for a while, Emmeline completely forgot she was a witch who was fighting a war against the most evil wizard in history and dating a convicted murderer. For a while, she was just a thirty-five year old woman grinning at her extremely handsome boyfriend.

Boyfriend. Is that what Sirius was? She almost giggled to think it. Did a thirty-five year old have a boyfriend? A man-friend? A lover? She had no idea, and perhaps, for the moment, their relationship didn't need a title. It was complicated enough as it was.

Everything was lovely until she noticed Sirius's grey eyes, which kept darting to the entryway of the restaurant, his body stiff and alert like a dog that's caught a worrisome scent.

"What's wrong?" she asked, draining the dredges of her margarita.

"There's a man at the front of the restaurant. By himself. Keeps staring at us," he said, and when she turned to look, he hissed, "Don't! I don't want him to know we've caught on."

Emmeline felt a wave of panic wash over her. It could be nothing. It could just be a man who found her attractive. Hell, a man who found _Sirius_ attractive. But what if it was an Auror? A detective? Could her risk-taking lead to Sirius imprisoned once again? Every instinct told her to flee.

"Emma, we've got to go," Sirius said suddenly, standing from his chair in a flash and grasping her elbow.

They ran toward the back exit, knocking a waiter off his feet and sending a tray full of margaritas shattering to the floor. Emmeline chanced a look over her shoulder and saw a slight, wiry man following them resolutely, which made her double her speed and race for the door. If they could only get away from the eyes of Muggles, they could Apparate back to Number 12 Grimmauld Place in an instant.

She fell out into the alleyway after Sirius, and they took off at a run.

"We can Apparate from there," called Sirius, pointing to a hidden alcove behind a dumpster.

Their pursuer was fast. She heard the door to the restaurant slam open.

"WAIT!" called the wiry man.

Emmeline didn't even turn.

"Wait, wait! Emmeline Vance!" he shouted.

Emmeline's step faltered.

"Listen, I'm not with the Ministry! I'm not with anybody! Please, just talk to me!" he yelled desperately.

She slowed and turned.

"Emma!" hissed Sirius, urging her forward, but she was staring at the thin man approaching her from the back door of the restaurant.

The man stopped when he reached her, placing his hands on his knees as he caught his breath. The man had square glasses with thick rims and a Muggle shirt that would have looked more at home in 1973 than now. Even his pants were flared at the bottom. She grinned despite herself. He was clearly a wizard, one with very little experience dressing in the modern world.

"Thank you," said the man through gasped breaths. "Let me . . . let me buy you a drink."

Emmeline looked at the man for a moment and nodded curtly, ignoring Sirius's protests at her side. There was something about him, something about the way he looked at them.

"Best not go back in there," said the man, gesturing to the Mexican restaurant. "I think it's in a bit of an uproar. There's a pub just there."

He pointed down the alley to the street beyond, and they followed him, picking up their pace when they heard a clamor from the back door of the restaurant they'd just vacated.

"I'll send money to cover our bill," said Emmeline, glancing behind her.

Sirius gave her a smile, rolling his eyes at her fretting. The three of them settled at a table and the man gazed at them, transfixed.

"How do we know you're not with the Ministry?" accused Sirius.

The man startled, a bit flummoxed, but collected himself.

"Begging your pardon, but you were sitting in that restaurant for an hour and a half. If I'd wanted to call the Ministry, I could have easily done so," he said.

Sirius stiffened, about to explode, but Emmeline lay a hand on his arm. The man was quite right. She and Sirius hadn't been too worried about being caught – if the man had bad intentions, he could have acted on them. A waitress came by, and Emmeline ordered a dark English ale. Sirius asked for firewhiskey, and when the waitress gave him a curious look, Emmeline amended his order to rum and coke. The man ordered water.

"What I'm really interested in is-"

"Wait," said Emmeline, interrupting the wiry man. "Who are you?"

"Ah, yes. I suppose that should come first. My name is Elijah Hampstead," he said. "I'm a . . . I'm a wizarding genealogist."

Emmeline raised an eyebrow at him, suspsicious at his hesitation.

"I study ancient wizarding families. I trace lineages from the earliest wizarding families in Britain to families today. Some wizards have records of their heritage, some have no idea. Some have falsified their lineage," explained Elijah. "The Malfoys claim relation to Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim, but it isn't true. Not remotely."

She scoffed, knowing Malfoy well enough to believe it. Elijah continued.

"The Blacks' history is, for the most part, quite complete and quite accurate," he said, nodding to Sirius.

"Toujours pur," recited Sirius with disdain.

"Though not entirely British, as that motto confirms. The family came from France in the Middle Ages. I've got some of that history if you're interested in it, Mister Black," said Elijah.

"Is that why you're here?" asked Sirius.

"No," said Elijah, pushing his glasses up his nose and folding his hands together. "I'm here because I'm interested in the Potters."

Emmeline and Sirius glanced at each other, both tensing nervously, as anyone prodding with questions about Harry was immediately suspect.

"You mustn't misunderstand me," said Elijah immediately, reading their expressions. "This is for scholarly research. I've no interest in asking Harry Potter himself about his history-"

"I should damn well hope not," said Sirius. "If you even set foot near him, I'll-"

"I know," said Elijah in what must be his most reassuring voice. "I know. Harry Potter is quite well protected, and I'm perfectly happy to keep it that way. Besides, I'm interested in his _history_, and being an orphan, I would imagine he knows precious little about that."

Sirius had tensed at the word 'orphan,' and Emmeline knew that Elijah was a few careless words away from losing Sirius's cooperation entirely.

"You see, I've been tracing the lineage of a very ancient wizarding family. Very ancient indeed. One of the earliest wizarding families in Britain. My research has come to something of a. . . well, I've hit a wall, to be frank. At first, I thought the line had died out entirely, but some of my research indicates that the Potters, that Harry Potter to be precise, is one of the last living descendants of this family," said Elijah.

"What family is that?" asked Emmeline.

"They were called the Peverells," said Elijah cautiously, glancing between Sirius and Emmeline as if waiting for them to recognize the name. She didn't, and when she saw Sirius's blank expression, she knew he'd never heard of them either. Elijah Hampstead appeared to let out a nervous breath.

"Mister Hampstead," said Sirius, "your story is interesting enough, I suppose, but what is it that you need us for?"

"I've been trying to find someone who knows _something_ about the Potters, and very few people do. So many people died who knew them . . ."

Elijah's voice trailed off.

"I don't know much," said Emmeline. "James' mum's name, maybe."

"I met his grandmother once," offered Sirius.

Elijah was nodding.

"Yes, that's excellent. Just the sort of thing I need. Anything is helpful," he said. "And any other family history. Photos, family trees, any heirlooms that might have been passed down from generation to generation . . ."

He trailed off again, but this time he was looking at them hungrily, as though he were waiting for them to jump in with a photo they knew or an old family ring. Emmeline knew nothing, and Sirius's face was stoic. If he knew something, he wasn't telling. Elijah pursed his lips and bit, but he reached into his pocket and pulled out a card with his information.

"This is me," he said, handing a card to Emmeline. "I'd love to meet with you again. Get the names of James Potter's parents and grandparents and try to find out if the connection I think exists is real."

"One more question," said Sirius. "Why do you care about this? Why do you care what happened to the Peve- Pever-"

"Peverell," said Elijah. "Mr. Black, while the Peverells were not one of the more famous families in our history, they are one of the oldest. Call it a historian's quest. I can assure you that I mean no harm to you or to Harry Potter. Not by any means at all."

Sirius narrowed his eyes but nodded all the same. Elijah Hampstead shook their hands and disappeared. Sirius and Emmeline gazed at each other for a long moment.

"That was odd," said Emmeline.

"I agree," said Sirius.

"What are we going to do?"

"Well, first, we're going to get out of here," said Sirius, standing from his chair. "I don't want any more surprise recognitions."

Emmeline nodded. She dropped some Muggle money on the table, and they walked out the front door, finding a secure and discreet location before Apparating back to Grimmauld Place. There, they crashed on the sofa and stared into space for a while before Sirius finally broke the silence.

"I think he's lying," he said.

"About what?"

"About all of it," said Sirius.

Emmeline paused, considering his words but not totally agreeing with them.

"I think he's telling the truth about Harry," said Emma. "I don't think he means Harry any harm."

Sirius didn't respond.

"And besides, if he really wanted to go after Harry, it would be right stupid of him to put his godfather on the scent of the trouble," she continued.

"That's likely true enough," said Sirius. "I don't think he's after Harry. But he's after something, and it isn't wizarding genealogy. I've spend enough time around thieves and murderers to know when someone's lying."

"Sirius, I work in finance. You think I can't spot a liar?" said Emmeline with a teasing grin, and he reluctantly nodded his agreement, smiling at her.

"So what do we do?" she added.

Sirius looked at her with a devious grin.

"We figure out what he's up to," he said.


	15. Chapter 15

Unfortunately, Sirius and Emmeline had little time to begin their quest to uncover Elijah Hampstead's true purpose, because the Christmas holidays were thrust upon them in a chaotic series of events. The very night they had intended to begin their digging, Emmeline received a frantic Patronus. Sirius's large dog bounded in the living room where she and Remus had been chatting.

_Arthur Weasley was attacked at the Ministry. He's at St. Mungo's. Harry and the Weasleys are here._

They didn't need to ask where "here" was – it was clear that Harry's term at Hogwarts had been cut short and he was at Number 12 Grimmauld Place already. Remus glanced at Emmeline with a shocked expression.

"Attacked at the Ministry . . ." he murmured.

"He was on watch tonight . . ." said Emmeline, standing from her chair. "I'm going to St. Mungo's."

"Emma, no," said Remus firmly. "Why on earth should you know Arthur Weasley was attacked at the Ministry in the middle of the night? You're not family, you're barely even friends with the Weasleys outside of the Order. No, the best thing we can do is sit here, wait for news. We don't want to raise any more suspicions than are most certainly already raised by this attack."

She sank back down into her seat, realizing Remus was right. She didn't even know how Sirius, Harry, and the rest of the Weasleys had found out about the attack. No one was due to relieve Arthur until the following evening. By all rights, he should have been waiting for rescue for hours . . . What had happened?

"Attacked at the _Ministry_," said Emmeline. "How does that even happen?"

"I don't know," said Remus in an anguished voice, and he buried his face in his hands.

She stared at him. His reaction was justified, yes, considering that Arthur Weasley had been attacked at the Ministry and they had no information on his condition. And yet, it seemed to be an overreaction, especially from Remus, who was ever the rational, thoughtful one. She furrowed her brow. Remus was still hunched over, apparently distraught. She stood from her seat and made her way to the kitchen, popping the cork on a bottle of spicy red wine and bringing Remus a glass to ease the tension.

He took it gratefully, his face still ashen and terrified, and took a large gulp, grimacing at the sharp taste of too much wine at once. Emmeline sipped her own glass and sat down next to him, patting his shoulder gently. She noticed his eyes were watery.

"What's wrong, Remus?"

He wiped his eyes and gulped more wine.

"I'm sorry, I'm just worried," he said.

"About Arthur?" she prodded, her eyebrows knitted together.

"About-"

Remus sat his glass down on the coffee table and leaned back in his seat, covering his face with his hands again.

"Oh, Emma," he said, muffled through his fingers. "I just keep thinking, what if it had been you? What if you had been at the Ministry tonight?"

His words dropped into her stomach like a leaden weight.

"Remus-"

"I know I can't say things like that anymore," he said, wiping his face. "I know. I know you're with Sirius and really, I know that you should be."

He paused and gazed at her with anguished amber eyes.

"But I don't know what I'd do without you," he finished quietly.

Emmeline took his hand in hers, having absolutely no idea what to say. It touched her to know how much he still cared, and she would be lying if she said she didn't feel the same way about him. The terrifying thought passed through her mind – what if it had been _him_? Could she bear to lose him? The answer was resounding: No. Sirius or no Sirius, she couldn't live without Remus. The thought of losing him sent a painful swoop through her stomach, like someone had pulled the sofa out from beneath her. Without words, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly, feeling the reassuring presence of his hands on her back and his nose in the crook of her neck.

A knock at the door jarred them from their embrace. Emmeline stood and pulled the door open, half expecting to see Sirius, but instead seeing a disheveled Nymphadora Tonks on her doorstep.

"Dora," said Remus, blinking in surprise.

Tonks rushed to him and hugged him tightly, and Emmeline smiled at Remus who was looking at her with a shell-shocked expression over Tonks's shoulder.

"You've heard, haven't you?" said Tonks in a rushed voice. "About Arthur Weasley and the Ministry?"

"We've heard he was attacked," said Remus, "but we haven't heard any details about it. What do you know?"

"It was a snake. A huge snake attacked Arthur Weasley, and Harry dreamed about it," replied Tonks, and Emmeline and Remus shared a surprised look. "Somehow, Harry knew the attack had happened and told Dumbledore. They got to Arthur right away, but if Harry hadn't seen it-"

"How did Harry 'see' it?" asked Remus, ever the scholarly, inquisitive one.

Tonks looked puzzled.

"In his dream," she repeated.

"No, no, I mean, how? Is this some sort of Divination coming out in him? Or does it have something to do with Vol-"

"Shh!" hissed Tonks, and though Remus gave her a reproachful look, Emmeline didn't mind caution when it came to using that particular name. "I don't really know anything else. Do you think Harry might have some sort of Divination talent?"

"It seems less likely than the alternate explanation," said Remus darkly.

Tonks settled in against Remus, who wrapped an arm around her shoulders and looked so content Emma couldn't help but smile, though a flare of jealous washed over her. Even so, through all the darkness and confusion, she hoped that Remus could find happiness, even if it wasn't with her.

Luckily, Arthur's injuries weren't serious enough to put a damper on the holiday spirit. She and Remus put up a tiny Christmas tree, and Remus (who was better at this sort of thing than she was) cast spells with his wand to make twinkling balls of light in the branches. Sirius was excitedly decorating his house, too. The house elves had Father Christmas hats and beards, and the first time she visited Number 12 Grimmauld Place, she found that he'd hung mistletoe in a very conspicuous place.

"This means I get to kiss you," he murmured, waggling his eyebrows and gesturing to the plant that was enchanted to float over her head.

She grinned and planted a quick kiss on his soft lips before glancing around to make sure none of the kids had seen. The Order wasn't meeting quite as regularly, though they were still active in their goal to thwart You-Know-Who's plans. Her own part had been guarding the Department of Ministries and trying to maintain as many financial contacts as possible. Remus had been, much to her displeasure, trying to make contacts in the werewolf world. Sirius was relegated to letting the Order use his house, something that they were all careful never to mention, as the memories from his childhood still lurked too close to the surface. Coupled with the madness from Azkaban, Emmeline wasn't always certain what would set him off.

"How are you?" said Sirius into her ear, still trying to touch her with his lips, though she batted away his attempts in fear of being spotted.

"How am I?" she repeated, an eyebrow raised. "That's your greeting? Well, sir, I'm quite well, thank you for inquiring."

"I have good news," he said, his grey eyes lighting up.

"You do?"

Sirius grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the library. He pushed her down into a chair and sat an ancient tome in front of her.

"The Peverells," he said proudly.

"Really?!" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Really," he said. "It seems most everyone claims to be related to the Peverells, even the Blacks. Look."

He flipped the book open to a family tree, its branches tiny and the writing on them scrawled.

"Here," he said, pointing to a branch near the top.

There was a line leading from 'Perseus Black' to 'Antioch Peverell.'

"You're related to the Peverells?" she asked, astonished.

Sirius shook his head.

"I don't think so," said Sirius. "All of these branches are quite well researched and documented."

He pointed to the footnotes and endnotes. Each name had several, and he flipped through the book to show her the documentation that backed up each claim in the lineage: census records, deeds, wills. But next to the line between Perseus Black and Antioch Peverell, there wasn't a single footnote. No documentation at all.

"And isn't it a bit curious that a man named Antioch Peverell would give his son the last name of Black?" added Sirius, and Emmeline nodded in agreement. "After all, our friend Mister Hampstead said the Blacks came from France, and most everything in our history agrees with him."

"So some genealogist in your family lied about being related to the Peverells?"

"Not just my family," he said, pulling a few more volumes from the shelf and slamming them in front of her, causing a thick cloud of dust. "The Malfoys claim lineage from Antioch Peverell, and the Lestranges. But their records haven't got any documentation to back up the claim either."

"So all the major houses want to claim they're related to the Peverells, but it seems they're all lying. Why?"

"That's where I'm stumped," said Sirius, slumping back in his chair. "It's quite curious."

"Curious, indeed," she said with a wry grin.

Their work was interrupted by the loud voices of Weasleys storming down the stairs. Emmeline squeezed Sirius's hand and headed for the door. She Apparated on the doorstep, and when she arrived at home, Remus was sitting on the couch with a book in his hand. Emmeline flopped down on the couch next to him.

"Hey," he said, looking at her over his book and smiling.

She quirked a brow at him and grinned confusedly; what had happened to sullen and lonesome Remus? Remus closed his book, marking his page with a dog-eared corner, and sat it down on the end table. His amber eyes met hers.

"Emma, I think I'm going to move out," he said firmly.

"What?!" she said, her jaw dropping open in shock. "Where the hell do you think you're going to go? You don't even have a job!"

Remus gave her an annoyed look, but smiled anyway.

"Well, Tonks and I have been-"

"Ohhhhh," she interrupted.

Remus shot an annoyed glance at her again and stopped speaking, waiting for her to go on with whatever interpretation of the situation she had in her mind.

"And you don't like bringing her here because _I'm_ here," said Emmeline.

Remus nodded.

"She knows we're a bit closer than friends. She never asks, she trusts me-"

"Good."

"But I can tell it makes her a bit uncomfortable to have her boyfriend-"

"Boyfriend!"

"-living in a flat with a lovely woman he sort of used to date."

Emmeline gazed at him. He had obviously prepared quite well for this moment, as it was the most open and honest he'd been in weeks. But Remus moving out? So suddenly? Was she ready for that?

"So, Tonks doesn't want you living with me," she said.

"It's not that. She hasn't said it, nor would she, but I think our . . . our relationship would progress more smoothly if I didn't live with someone I used to sleep with," he replied.

"Does she know you used to-"

"Not explicitly, but it doesn't take a genius," mumbled Remus, his cheeks turning a bit pink. "Hell, even Sirius figured it out."

He was giving her a wry, embarrassed smile. She was still feeling a bit shell-shocked.

"So where are you going to go?" she asked.

"Well, I've thought about asking Sirius to let me move in," he said cautiously.

She had a feeling from his tone of voice that Remus wasn't too keen on the idea. Whatever he said about the way Tonks felt, she knew that there was more to his desire to move out than that. Perhaps it was difficult to progress in a new relationship when you still lived with the woman you sort of . . . loved. And if he moved in with Sirius, he'd still be watching the tumultuous yet passionate pair that was Sirius and Emmeline as they rekindled their long-lost romance. Though moving in with Sirius seemed perfectly logical, it didn't sound like something Remus really wanted.

"Tonks suggested it," said Remus, answering her unspoken question. "I told her I wanted to move out and give you . . . give you some space, and she thought Sirius seemed the natural choice."

"But you disagree," she stated.

"I'm not sure it's the wisest," he said. "She also offered to let me move in with her."

His voice trailed off a bit and his amber eyes lifted to meet hers, seeking her opinion, her approval.

"Remus, it's a bit early to be moving in with your new girlfriend, isn't it?" she suggested.

He nodded, half dejected, half relieved.

"I thought so, too," he said. "So, Sirius's it is."

She smiled sadly at him. It felt like an era was truly coming to a close. The Remus-and-Emma era. The decade and a half in which he, off and on, lived at her flat.

"Stay for Christmas at least, will you?" she asked.

"Of course," he said, and with that, he ruffled her hair lightly and left the room.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Christmas passed fairly uneventfully. Sirius sent Emma two books: one had moving pictures that made Remus blush furiously when he saw it, and the other was the newest book in a series she'd read right after Hogwarts and forgotten about. They were truly thoughtful gifts, though she was a bit wary as to how he'd picked them up.

"Don't look at me," said Remus, holding his hand in the air in innocence. "I'd never buy a book like _that_ whether he wanted me to or not."

She laughed. Remus opened the gift she'd bought for him: a new lined leather coat she'd bought with the profits from the acquisition in Glasgow. He demurred and muttered that he didn't deserve such an expensive gift, but as always, she shrugged away his protests. She opened his gift, tearing open the paper to see a small ring-sized jewelry box.

Her breath caught in her throat.

"Don't panic yet," said Remus, smiling calmly. "Just open it."

Inside the box was the key to her flat, a gold chain with an amber pendant, and a note. She looked up at him with uncertainty across her features.

"Read it," he prodded.

_Your key back, after almost fifteen years it's hard to part with it, and a necklace so I'm always close to your heart. And if you ever decide to give up on Sirius for good, we can exchange it for something else._

She looked back at him with a wistful smile, her eyes misty with tears.

"The last part's a joke," he said with a smile.

"No it's not," she said, wiping her eyes.

"All right, it's not," he said, and he wrapped an arm around her and gave her a friendly hug.

She and Remus drank coffee and chatted for most of the morning, but at lunch, Remus excused himself to meet Tonks.

"I'm to meet her family today," he said, his face looking a bit ashen. "She said it wasn't proper for me to have a Christmas without a family."

"What, do I not count?" Emmeline snorted indignantly.

Remus gave her a look, and Emmeline gestured for him to go ahead and leave. He kissed the top of her head, lasting just a beat too long to be a kiss between friends, and headed for the door.

"Will you go to Grimmauld Place?" he asked, one hand on the doorknob.

Emmeline shifted uncomfortably.

"Probably not," she said. "Sirius will be with Harry."

"You could go," said Remus, giving her a steady, prompting gaze.

She didn't meet his eyes. She heard the door open and shut and the soft _pop_ of his Apparition, and then she was alone.

On Christmas!

The injustice of it settled over her and she stewed in displeasure for a few minutes, refusing to even move from the couch. She had no family to speak of; Harry Potter wasn't the only orphan of You-Know-Who's making. She felt bitter and lonesome, half expecting Remus to march back through the door and say he'd never abandon her on Christmas and of course he would be canceling his plans with Tonks. She stared at the fireplace, waiting for Sirius to appear in a burst of green flames and insist that she accompany him to the chaos of Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

When neither of the men in her life were forthcoming, she made tea and settled in with the book Sirius had bought for her (not the naughty one). The book was enrapturing, and by late evening, the tea had been replaced with wine and she was dozing with the book half-open in her lap.

She awoke to the comforting presence of Remus sinking down onto the couch next to her. Her eyes fluttered open to see that he was close, close enough to feel intimate. His cheeks were a bit pink from Christmas overindulgence, though the lines around his eyes betrayed some tension.

"Hello," she said sleepily, stretching. "How was meeting the in-laws?"

"Ugh, don't call them that," he said, shuddering a bit.

"Why not?" she asked teasingly.

"We're not getting married," said Remus with a tone that seemed too firm for the jesting manner of her question.

She raised an eyebrow at him, and he smiled, ignoring the line of conversation all together. He wrapped an arm around her, a gesture that was familiar and yet seemed out of place in light of everything that had happened over the past months.

"I'm going to miss living here," said Remus.

She rested against him.

"I'm going to miss having you all to myself," she teased.

"I'll miss it, too," he admitted, and then looked down at her. "How long have you been asleep? And how much wine did you drink?"

"Not long, and plenty," she said with a grin. "I'm off to bed."

She squeezed Remus's hand and gazed at his face, a curious expression on it that now seemed both content and nostalgic. She wasn't sure if the contentedness was a result of his budding relationship with the bubbly young Auror, but given his vehemence against marriage to her, she thought perhaps it was not.

"Remus, did everything go all right with Tonks's parents?" she asked.

He sighed, and Emmeline had a feeling that she wouldn't be heading to bed any time soon.

"Tonks says she doesn't care that I'm a werewolf," explained Remus. "She even told her parents about my defect-"

"It's not a defect," spat Emma.

Remus smiled at her, his amber eyes warm and welcoming.

"I love to hear you say that," he said. "Because I know you really mean it. You really _understand._ You've seen what I am, what I can do, what happens to me, and you still accept me and think of my affliction as something besides a contamination."

"Tonks doesn't think you've got a contamination," said Emmeline.

"No, but she doesn't have any idea. I've told you this before: I'm a novelty to her. And watching her with her parents . . . they tried to pretend it didn't matter, despite Tonks bringing it up about a dozen times. I don't know," he said, rubbing his lined face with his hands. "It's almost like I'm her rebellion."

He paused.

"I mean, she hardly _knows_ me," he added.

"She will," said Emmeline, nudging him with her shoulder, though a bit of her possessive streak washed through her and made her want to march up to Tonks herself and tell her where she could shove her rebellion.

The impulse passed. Emmeline and Remus stayed up far too late, talking about nothing and drinking the rest of the wine. Finally, well after midnight, Emma kissed Remus on the cheek, watching his face redden slightly as his gaze dropped to the floor, and went to bed.

Remus moved out a couple of weeks later, after Harry and the Weasley children had all returned to Hogwarts for their spring term. It was a bit bittersweet to watch him gather the small amount of possessions he had, pack them in his trunk (which had never moved from its place beside the front door), and head to Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Truth be told, it made far more sense for him to live with Sirius. He would have his own bedroom, a place to bring his new girlfriend if he desired and a chance to really reconnect with Sirius without the presence of Emmeline hanging over them like a cloud. Emmeline knew all of this to be true, but it still made her sad to watch Remus leave her flat for the last time as its semi-permanent resident.

Sirius was elated. The end of the winter holidays had made him sullen and grumpy as he faced the prospect of facing the lonesome, echoing corridors of his family home by himself. Remus's presence was welcome, and though Remus seemed a bit awkward at first, Sirius was completely ignoring the "Emmeline problem" and welcoming his old friend into his house.

"Oh, and Emma, don't leave! I've got more to show you," said Sirius.

"More what?" asked Remus as he levitated his trunk up the staircase.

"We've got something of a secret mission going on," said Sirius deviously.

"Secret mission? Does it involve you leaving headquarters?" asked Remus, sound quite professor-like.

"Nah, just the once," said Sirius, waving away Remus's concern.

Remus gave Emma a stern look, though the corners of his mouth were twitching a bit. Emmeline grinned at him with a cavalier shrug before following Sirius into the library.

"Two books for you," said Sirius, slamming them down in front of her. "The first one . . . well . . ."

Emmeline opened the thin volume and gasped, scandalized, before slamming it shut and rounding on Sirius with a half horrified, half hysterical expression.

"That one I found under my mattress," he said proudly. "Hadn't even thought of it in years! And if you'll just take a look at this page . . ."

He flipped the book open to a page that described a spell with vivid illustrations, one Emmeline thought sounded both tantalizing and a bit frightening. She narrowed her eyes at Sirius.

"Do you really think I'll let you cast this on me?" she said.

"Just think of the distraction it could provide while Snivellus is droning on at Order meetings . . ." he said, waggling his eyebrows at her.

She slammed the book shut again, unable to stop the grin from creeping across her lips, and sat the book aside, ready to see what the second book contained. She hoped it had a bit more to do with the Peverell project and a bit less to do with Sirius's reprobate desires.

"It's a biography," said Sirius proudly, grinning like a schoolboy who's just impressed his favourite teacher. "A biography of Johanas Worden."

"Who the hell is Johanas Worden?" she asked.

"Oh, he did all sorts of things. He invented the Body Bind Curse, he figured out how to banish ghosts and evil spirits," he said, flipping through the pages of the book, which had illustrations of these deeds on many of the pages. "He actually finished up his life with a significant interest in ghosts, and he did work with a certain fellow who seemed to know quite a bit about them."

He finally stopped at a page near the end of the book.

"Cadmus Peverell?" she said, reading aloud from the book.

"Yes," said Sirius. "Cadmus Peverell. Some sort of ghost expert. He's hardly mentioned, other than this sentence here:"

_With the help of Cadmus Peverell, an expert in life after death, Worden was able to find the secret for binding ghosts to one place and using their knowledge for his own gain._

"For his own gain?" said Emmeline, wrinkling her nose. "Doesn't make him sound very nice."

"Yes, and Peverell didn't seem to think so either," said Sirius, pointing to another sentence in the paragraph.

_Peverell opposed the binding of those in the spirit world, and the pair broke apart soon afterward, though Worden did credit Peverell with assisting him in his work._

Emmeline sat back in her chair, pursing her lips and considering the information.

"So this Peverell bloke knew a lot about ghosts?" she said. "What do you think that's got to do with Harry? And with Elijah Hampstead?"

"I'm not sure," said Sirius. "But it sounds intriguing. What would you say about contacting Mister Hampstead and learning a bit more about it?"


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Finding a way to meet with Elijah Hampstead proved difficult. First, Emmeline said she would meet with Mr. Hampstead alone in Diagon Alley. It was the easiest solution, but the one Sirius preferred least.

"I'm tired of being useless," he said, his arms crossed before him. "This is as much my mission as it is yours. And I don't trust him. I don't want you meeting with him alone."

Emma countered that she could just bring Remus with her, but Sirius rejected that suggestion so vehemently that she didn't bother pressing any further.

Having Mr. Hampstead over to Number 12 Grimmauld Place wouldn't work, either. It was currently under the strictest protections possible, and neither Sirius nor Emmeline thought Dumbledore would reveal its location to a stranger they'd met at a Muggle pub. Telling Dumbledore about Elijah Hampstead would also mean admitting that she'd brought Sirius to Muggle Glasgow with her, and would also probably mean elaborating on their Peverell project. She loved and admired the elderly Headmaster, and didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes when he knew about Sirius's escapade and their distraction from pressing Order matters.

Sirius also rejected the idea of inviting Elijah Hampstead to Emma's flat, saying he didn't want some strange man knowing where she lived. They bounced idea after idea off one another until they finally decided on a solution.

"The Burrow," said Emmeline.

"That'll never happen," scoffed Sirius. "Molly can't _stand _me."

"Rightfully so," Emma replied with a grin. "But she's visiting her family in the city, and Arthur's too scared of me to say no."

"You wicked girl," purred Sirius.

With that, he leaned in a pressed a kiss to her lips, but they were stopped from taking it any further as the sounds of Order members filing in the doorway (accompanied by Mrs. Black's shrieks) interrupted them.

The Order meeting of the day was relatively uneventful. Sirius stared daggers at Snape for no reason in particular, Tonks flirted not-subtly-at-all with Remus, and Emmeline tried in vain to pay attention to Kingsley Shacklebolt's report. After the meeting, she wasted no time in cornering Arthur and demanding to be allowed to use the Burrow for a meeting. He stammered an agreement and left hurriedly, glancing back at her as though she might explode into hysterics again at any moment. Emmeline suppressed a grin.

She and Sirius Flooed to the Burrow a few days later. She cast a Disillusionment Charm on Sirius, who had a rogue grin on his face as the spell fell over him, and he hid against a corner. Despite Elijah Hampstead's assurances that he had no intention of calling the authorities on Sirius, they weren't going to trust him not to try for the large bounty on Black's head.

A quiet knock on the door broke the silence, and Emmeline gave Sirius a "stay-right-there-or-else" look before answering the door. Mr. Hampstead was on the step, shaking rain off of his umbrella, and Emma invited him in.

"Thank you, thank you," said Elijah, stepping over the threshold. Emma couldn't help but look around behind him for any sign of Dementors or Ministry officials.

"Have a seat, I've made tea," offered Emmeline.

Elijah Hampstead acquiesced politely, taking his seat and gazing around the quaint cottage.

"Will Mister Black be joining us?" he asked.

"Perhaps," said Emmeline succinctly.

Elijah didn't seem bothered by this and reached into his bag for a books, a roll of parchment, and a quill. He opened the book to the relevant page, an extensive family tree, and unrolled the parchment. His quill was poised to take notes.

"Now, Miss Vance," he said, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "I'm so thankful you've agreed to speak with me. Perhaps we can begin discussing the Potter family history? Potter's ancestors, relations, family heirlooms, anything that might be relevant to the Peverell family?"

"We don't know much about the Potters ancestry," said Emmeline, "but we've learned more about the Peverells."

Elijah looked up from the parchment in front of him, a cautious expression on his face.

"You need to tell us what you're really after," said Sirius, appearing out of his Disillusionment Charm, which startled Elijah enough to make him drop his quill, his glasses falling down on his nose once again.

"Ah, here is Mister Black now," said Emmeline, trying to conceal her amused grin. Sirius certainly did have a way about him.

"Good day, Mister Black," said Elijah, flustered.

"Yes, good day," said Sirius, sitting backward in a chair and staring Elijah hard in the face. "You're not just in this for the genealogy, are you then?"

"What makes you say something like-" began Elijah, playing at indignity, but when he caught the disbelieving looks on both their face, he sighed and changed his tune. "I _am_ interested in genealogy. It's how I got my start: tracing lineages for pureblood families for their libraries. The Malfoys actually commissioned me to do a tapestry much like the one in your family home, Mister Black-"

"How do you know what that tapestry looks like?" snapped Sirius.

"Mrs. Malfoy was very detailed in her description," said Elijah calmingly. "But to return to your question, no, genealogy isn't my sole interest in the Peverells or the Potters."

"So?" prodded Sirius. "What's this about, really?"

"I take it you've done a bit of research of your own on the Peverell family," said Elijah, his tone revealing an intelligence Emmeline hadn't guessed at.

"Yes, we found out about-"

"We did some," interrupted Emmeline, cutting Sirius off before he could tell Elijah what they knew. Sirius, with all his courage, often blustered into situations headlong. Emmeline wanted to take her time. She wanted Elijah Hampstead to reveal his cards first, before she revealed hers.

Elijah Hampstead was smiling shrewdly at her, guessing at her game.

"You keep asking about an heirloom, Mister Hampstead," said Emmeline. "A genealogist might have a passing interest in family heirlooms, but you seem rather focused on them. What is it you hope to find?"

"I'm not entirely sure," said Elijah, considering his words in a way that reminded her of Remus. "It's not a lie that the Peverell line is convoluted and twisted by generations of wizards claiming relation when there was none. It's hard to know exactly which line the Potters may be connected to, but I've speculation that Harry Potter is a descendant of Cadmus Peverell, a rather famous wizard from his time."

"Yes, we've heard," said Emmeline. Sirius was brooding quietly, his arms crossed over his chest, but he had taken her hint not to reveal more than needed.

"To truly trace the lineage is nearly impossible, but there is one particular heirloom that might link young Potter to Cadmus Peverell," said Elijah.

"Yea? And what heirloom is that?" asked Sirius.

"Well, I'm not totally sure, but I think it may be a gem, a stone. A talisman perhaps. It's difficult to be certain," said Elijah.

He was gazing between the two of them, looking for some familiarity dawning in their eyes, but Emmeline had never seen James Potter with a stone or gem, and by the look on his face, neither had Sirius. Elijah looked simultaneously disappointed and relieved.

"I'm not expecting you to know exactly what it is-"

"What does it do?" interrupted Sirius.

"I'm sorry?" asked Elijah.

"We're wizards, not Muggles. Gems and stones don't just look lovely against a lady's throat. Any gem you think might have been handed down through a dozen generations had to have some sort of magical properties. So what does it do?" pressed Sirius.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure-"

"Does it bind spirits?" asked Sirius.

Elijah goggled at him, looking shocked and worried.

"What do you know about the Peverells?" he asked.

"We know Cadmus Peverell learned how to bind ghosts to one place. Is that what this gem is for?" asked Emmeline.

"No, no, certainly not," said Elijah quickly. "Cadmus Peverell, at least from all the research I've done, never approved of any such measures."

"So the gem . . .?" prodded Sirius.

"I was telling the truth when I said I wasn't sure," said Elijah. "Perhaps Cadmus Peverell did possess a gem that granted a window into the spirit world, and perhaps it passed down from generations all the way to young Harry Potter. But the holes and gaps in the documentation make it almost impossible to be certain. Unless we find the gem, of course."

Emmeline and Sirius looked at one another. She was glad she was finally getting somewhere with Elijah Hampstead as far as the truth was concerned, but she wasn't sure how she felt about locating this gem. And besides, how would they ever ask Harry about it? What would Harry even own from his deceased parents? Might the gem be in their vault at Gringotts? Would Harry even be willing to share they information about the gem with a virtual stranger? Emmeline wasn't even sure if she herself was comfortable with the idea.

"There's no guarantee that Harry even knows about this gem," said Sirius, saying what she was thinking.

"Even if he doesn't, perhaps someone close to him . . . perhaps Albus Dumbledore . . .?" offered Elijah hopefully.

"No!" said Emmeline and Sirius at the same time.

"No, we're not getting Dumbledore involved in your genealogy quest, Mister Hampstead," said Emmeline in a very serious voice. "He has enough to worry about."

Emmeline also knew that Professor Dumbledore would likely not approve of their quest, particularly Sirius's role in it. Elijah looked chastened.

Noise from the front door of the Burrow cut their meeting short. They shooed Mister Hampstead into the fireplace with assurances that they would tell him what they could, and Emmeline cast another Disillusionment Charm on Sirius just in case, but it was only Arthur.

"Oh, erm, hello, Emmeline," he said nervously.

"Hello, Arthur," she replied brightly. "We were just leaving."

"Oh you and . . .?"

"Sirius," said the invisible Sirius in a low gruff voice near Arthur's ear, making the Weasley patriarch jump in fright and drop all his things.

Emmeline stifled a laugh, though Sirius didn't bother to conceal his loud, barking one. They headed for the fireplace and returned to Number 12 Grimmauld Place together. They stepped out of the fireplace together, arms wrapped around each other and giggling wildly. She paused, gazing into his laughing grey eyes. She was transported back fifteen years in that moment, to a time where her Sirius life was her only life. She suddenly felt the emotion wash over her like a tidal wave: she _loved_ this man.

He was still smiling at her, handsome features hardly dimmed from years in Azkaban, but a few crinkles in the corners of his eyes betraying his age. He bent down and kissed her, and she threaded her fingers in his long, black hair. Sirius deepened the kiss, surprising her with its sudden intensity, and the pulled away, smiling brilliantly.

Emmeline looked around the room just in time to see Remus sneak out. She sighed.

But returning her gaze to Sirius's exuberant, youthful face, she found a smile creeping across her lips, all thoughts of Remus drifting from her mind as she kissed Sirius again. He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled his face into her hair.

"Stay the night?" he asked.

"Mmm," she replied.

The kisses he pressed against the side of her face felt less like a novelty and more familiar than they had when she and Sirius had first rekindled their relationship. He hadn't had an outburst of insanity in ages. They were becoming closer not only through time spent together, but also through the shared conspiratorial project they had going with Elijah Hampstead. And though she somewhat regretfully wondered if she'd ever feel the same familiarity with Sirius that she did with Remus, her relationship with Sirius was comforting, loving, passionate, fiery . . . everything she'd missed about him for the twelve years he was in Azkaban. She wanted nothing more than to stay with him forever.

As his kisses became more heated, his hands began to creep underneath her shirt, and the feeling of his fingertips against her bare skin lit her on fire. She gasped when his hand grazed her breast.

"Upstairs," she whispered.

Sirius grunted and continued his ministrations as he pulled her shirt up over her head.

"Remus," she protested in a strangled voice.

Sirius's eyes hardened as they snapped up to hers, a dangerous madness lurking behind them.

"I don't want him to walk in," she explained cautiously.

With another long look, searching for the lie and not finding it, Sirius's expression softened again. He kissed her lips and pulled her by the hand up the staircase and to his bedroom, and together, they explored the oddly new feeling of familiarity between them, basking in every caress and kiss and touch and thrust. He had thoroughly relearned her body, and she his, and Emmeline wished only for the chance to put her knowledge to use for the rest of her life.


	18. Chapter 18

The months flew by uneventfully. She rotated her time between work, the Order, and Sirius, though she was kept so busy with the former that she found herself with less time than she'd like with the latter. They had barely even gotten the chance to look into the missing gem that Elijah Hampstead was seeking. And she hadn't properly seen Remus in a month, for he was also busy between the Order and his slowly heating relationship with Nymphadora Tonks.

Emmeline was exhausted. It was an awful, awful day, and tears were swimming in Emmeline's eyes as she Apparated onto the front step of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Without even bothering to knock, she stumbled in the door and found Remus standing in the entryway.

"Emma!" he said worriedly, seeing the stricken look on her face and the tears in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

She put her face in her hands.

"It's not something to do with Volde-"

"No, no, no," she said. "It's work. Where's Sirius?"

"Up with Buckbeak," said Remus. "What happened?"

"Just an awful, awful day," groaned Emmeline. "A client was angry about the way I handled international accounts and instead of asking me about it, he complained to the owner of the entire company. The _owner!_ The owner doesn't even know who I am, much less how I manage international accounts! So I had to have a meeting with my boss and talk about how I handle it and what happened with this client and . . ."

Her voice had now broken and tears were falling freely from her eyes. It wasn't even that the situation was all that bad. In fact, normally, she wouldn't even be half as broken up about a mistake at work, but she supposed with everything that was going on around her, the stress was too much. Her breath hitched, and instinctively, she leaned into Remus and waited for the comforting presence of his arms around her. He obliged and rested his head against the top of hers.

"What did your boss say?" asked Remus.

"He said it wasn't my fault and he wasn't angry and he'd deal with the owner," said Emmeline against his shirt.

She could feel a rumbling chuckle in his chest.

"Then why are you so upset?" he asked, and she could almost sense the patient smile on his lips.

"I just like being good at my job," grumbled Emmeline. "It was a rotten day."

Remus's arms were snug around her, and she felt him press a gentle kiss on the side of her head. She couldn't lie; after the terrible day she'd had, it felt lovely. She'd missed him terribly over the past month. Over the past few months, in fact, ever since he moved out of her flat at Christmas. Remus: familiar, kind, patient, gentle. She _loved_ him-

No. She didn't love him. She loved Sirius.

Emmeline immediately pulled away from him, and he gazed at her with understanding in his amber eyes. So much between them, so much history, so much unsaid. She wasn't very good at expressing her emotions, and as recent events in her life with Harry Potter (or, perhaps she should say, without Harry) had demonstrated, she always preferred to run from uncomfortable situations rather than face them. At that moment, part of her wanted to spill how she felt about Remus: confused, mostly; missing him; happy he had found some happiness in Tonks; yet still loving him? Just the tiniest bit. Even though she loved Sirius more.

But those words wouldn't come and she merely sighed and smiled.

"Thanks," she said, wiping her eyes. "Let's pour wine."

Remus chuckled and obliged. They were both relaxing on the couch with wine, with Emma often saying she couldn't stand talking about work another moment and then immediately going into a long-winded rehashing of what had occurred and how it wasn't her fault. Remus made all the appropriate sympathetic sounds and kept the wine flowing.

After a while, Emmeline had to excuse herself to the loo, and when she reappeared, she saw Remus as the long dining table poring over some parchments, probably left from the latest Order meeting. It seemed as though their work never stopped. She was about to enter when the fireplace roared to life. She gazed in shock as the head of Harry Potter himself appeared in the flames.

"Remus!" she hissed.

"Sirius?" called Harry's voice.

Remus turned and he sprang into action, every movement of his body prepared to deal with whatever crisis that had prompted Harry to contact them at Number 12 Grimmauld Place when they knew very well that every fireplace at Hogwarts was being monitored.

It was Sirius that Harry needed, so after a brief exchange with Harry, Remus hastily left the room, giving Emmeline a concerned look as he shook off the haze of wine and dashed up to fetch Sirius. They were both in a right state when they returned, Sirius hardly noticing Emma as he brushed past her toward the fireplace.

But the tense mood was hardly necessary, she realized, when Harry told the pair why he was calling. Hidden just outside the room, Emmeline had to stifle a laugh as she heard Harry describe the scene he'd viewed in Snape's memories. James Potter had been such an arse! Now that Harry mentioned it, she really _didn't_ know why Lily had put up with him for so long. Remus and Sirius talked to Harry a while longer , reassuring him that his father was eventually a good man, even if he hadn't seemed so during his worst fifteen-year-old moments.

The news that Snape had canceled Occlumency lessons was far more disturbing, however. None of them knew exactly why Dumbledore was so insistent that Harry learn to close his mind (though by Remus's tone, she believed that their old Headmaster may have revealed more to him that he had to reckless Emma and Sirius). The mood was still tense when Harry's head disappeared from the flames.

Emmeline immediately refilled her wine glass and handed Remus his half-full one. Sirius looked at her as though he'd just seen she was there.

"Hey," said Sirius, surprised. "I didn't realize you were here. I'd have come down."

"It's fine," shrugged Emmeline.

She sat down on the couch and Sirius sank down next to her, one arm enclosed around her shoulders as though a subtle reminder to Remus, though Emmeline considered that perhaps she was reading too much into the gesture.

"I've been thinking about the gem," said Sirius.

"The gem?" asked Remus.

Sirius and Emmeline looked at each other, and Emmeline gave him a sort of half-shrug that said, "Might as well." Sirius immediately launched into an explanation of all he and Emma had been up to for the past several months, from their escapade into Glasgow to their discovery of the Peverell history. Remus was staring at them in ill-concealed shock.

"You've been doing this instead of Order work?" he asked in a chiding tone.

"Not for the past couple of months. We've been too busy. Damn Order, don't they know Voldemort can wait?" responded Sirius with a cocky grin.

Remus shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"But I've been thinking about heirlooms," said Sirius. "And I don't think Harry has this gem."

"Why not?" asked Emma.

"Because," said Sirius. "Because I think he has something else."

"Another heirloom?" asked Remus.

"Think for a moment," said Sirius. "What did James have that his dad gave him? What did he have that he'd be sure to pass on to Harry if he could?"

Emmeline was just staring at Sirius in confusion, but she saw Remus's expression shift to immediate understanding.

"The cloak," he whispered.

"The cloak," said Sirius.

"The cloak?!" asked Emmeline. "That invisibility cloak James had? It still works?"

"It still works," said Sirius. "And it worked for James's dad and for James's granddad. No ordinary cloak I'd say."

"So the heirloom Hampstead is looking for is Harry's invisibility cloak?" asked Emmeline, bits of information clicking into piece in her mind. "Why hasn't he asked for it?"

"I don't think he knows about it. I don't think that's an heirloom he's expecting," said Sirius. "I don't even know if it's related to the Peverells that he's so interested in, but I do know that a cloak like James' is absolutely one in a million. There's no other like it. It's one of the most amazing magical items I've ever seen."

Emmeline was staring at him, brain whirring.

"Do we tell Elijah?" she asked.

"I don't know," said Sirius. "What do you think?"

"I don't like the idea of anyone outside the Order knowing about the cloak," said Remus firmly. "That's a great defense Harry has against those who'd harm him."

"I tend to agree," said Emmeline cautiously.

"Me too," said Sirius. "But I do want to know more about the Peverells. Perhaps we can learn a bit more about them without tipping off Elijah about the cloak."

Emmeline smiled conspiratorially at Sirius, ignoring Remus's scolding professional glare.

A knock at the door interrupted them, and Remus answered it and welcomed Nymphadora Tonks into the old dusty house. She seemed a bit surprised to find Emmeline there; their paths had rarely crossed outside of Order meeting. Emma's head was spinning pleasantly from the wine, and rather than watch Remus and Tonks cuddle comfortably across from her (a sight that still made her jealous no matter how often she tried to calm her mind with rational thoughts), she pulled Sirius up by the hand, bid Remus and Tonks goodnight, and dragged her lover up the stairs, Sirius crowing in triumph and Remus turning red.

Once safely behind the closed door to Sirius's bedroom, he turned to her with his familiar feral smirk, pulling her close to him and kissing her mouth. His hands explored her body as she made quick work of his clothes. Gone was the feverish new passion of his mouth relearning her body, but it was replaced with the ease of knowing exactly where to touch him to elicit the responses she craved. Her hand wrapped around his erection, kneeling down before him so that her mouth could continue what her hand had begun. He held her hair away from her face, and the awe-struck, worshiping expression on his face was her reward. She wondered if she would ever have enough of him.

He pulled himself from her mouth and deposited her on the bed, his face descending between her legs and his tongue immediately finding the sensitive bud within the lips of her vagina. Her back arched against the bed as she climbed the plateau to climax, and after she cried out in ecstasy, he immediately climbed on top of her and thrust inside, both of them stilling for a moment and enjoying the sensation.

Sirius kissed the side of her face, whispering in her ear as he continued to thrust. Her nails scratched down his back, and after a moment, she pushed him off of her and took a position on top of him. His fingertips skimmed her body as she lowered herself onto his erection. Her motions became more and more erratic as she approached climax again, and shortly, they both let out strangled cries and fell limp against one another.

The sounds of heavy breathing filled the air, and she could feel a sheen of dampness on her skin at the exertion. She looked at him, and he gave her a rogue grin and a wink. Rolling her eyes, she rested against him.

"Do you ever think about getting married?" he asked suddenly.

"Married?" asked Emmeline in surprise. "Do you?"

"Yea, why not?" asked Sirius.

Emmeline rolled over to see his face. A thousand thoughts were racing through her mind. If she were honest, the answer was no. She hadn't really thought much at all about marrying Sirius. She'd spent thirty-something years as a single woman, and she wasn't really sure how she felt about changing that. And despite the familiarity that had grown between them, she still sometimes felt like he was a stranger to her, particularly when the shadow of Azkaban passed over his face as it did occasionally.

And of course there was Remus. Remus would also be a major part of her life, and though she was happy with Sirius and he seemed quite happy with Tonks, part of her felt like marrying Sirius would be too deep a betrayal to her one-time lover.

Sirius was still looking at her expectantly, though doubt was beginning to cloud his features at her hesitation. Emmeline took a breath and answered.

"I thought about marrying you all the time when we were younger," she said, absently fingering the smooth skin across his chest. "Especially when James and Lily got married. If they could do it, why not us?"

Sirius didn't say anything. He just waited for the "but" that she knew he was expecting.

"I don't know about marrying anyone right now. Marriage seems like such an odd thing with everything going on," she explained, fumbling for the right words. "It's not that I don't love you, because I do-"

"I know you do," he said softly.

"Do you want to get married?" she asked nervously.

"Yea," said Sirius simply.

"Do you mind that I don't?" she whispered.

He kissed her forehead.

"No," said Sirius.

But the cloud had descended over his eyes again, and Emmeline wondered if it was true.


End file.
